Page 23 of Playing for Keeps (Seattle Hawks Ice Hockey #4)

Jade

“Are you going to talk to your folks about everything when you get home?” he asks.

The breath that leaves me says everything.

“Yes. I need to. I don’t know what’s been stopping me.

Sometimes I guess you just get this idea in your head of what your parents expect of you, and after so much work in college that they helped me pay for, and getting my degree, I kinda feel like I owe it to them to have a fully fledged teaching career. ”

“But you will, teaching something you love and enjoy,” Jay says without hesitation.

And boy, does that warm the cockles around my heart, I feel it throb in my chest. He doesn’t see it as a sideline or an after work activity.

He sees it for what it is, a career with meaning for me.

“I mean, that’s what you love to do, right? ”

“Yes,” I reply with a few simultaneous nods, like one isn’t enough to make my point.

“I feel free when I’m doing what I love.

And I just got to the point where I felt like sitting in a classroom was slowly making my dreams disappear.

I loved the kids, don’t get me wrong, but being in the school environment just wasn’t resonating with me. ”

“You know, you’re allowed to change your mind even after college,” he says. “It happens, Princess, all the time. It’s nothing to feel bad about. You get one life to live, and you’ve got to do what makes you happy. I might not know much, but I know that.”

Tears prick my eyes as we look at each other over the table. Jokes and wisecracks long forgotten. Even our fun little dance lesson seems off in the distance somewhere. “I just don’t want to disappoint them,” I whisper.

Jay shakes his head. “They love you, Jade. I know you want to make them happy, but you have to give them a chance to understand where you’re coming from. They’ll always be proud of you no matter what. Trust me, your parents aren’t a nightmare, they will get it when it’s all out in the open.”

A sniff into my knuckle and take another sip of sake. “You’re right. I think it’s just been a lot, and admitting it to myself has been the hardest part.”

“Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself. And it takes guts to step out of the known and the familiar and do something entirely different. That takes strength as well as grace.”

I smile, his words making me feel a little glow of my own. “I hope my mom will see it like that.”

“I think you’ll be surprised. But you gotta talk to them.”

“For sure, I will.” I nod. “The decision was made while I was out here that I’d come clean and lay it all out on the line when I got home. I think it will feel like a burden has been lifted when I get it off my chest. It already does, even now, talking to you.”

His smile is soft and sweet as he finally drags his hand away from mine, but I still feel the warmth of it, like it’s still there. “I’m glad you told me.”

“You’ve always been a good listener.”

“So I’ve been told.” He winks.

“Seriously. Thank you.”

He waves it off with a flick of his hand.

“I didn’t do anything. You’re creating a great life for yourself, Jade Jones, that’s something to be proud of.

Some people don’t realize that until it’s too late.

I’m one of the lucky ones in some ways that I always knew what I wanted to do.

But the point is, it hasn’t taken you a lifetime. ”

I stare at him in wonder – given the life he had before the NHL – and the fact he says he’s one of the lucky ones warms my heart even further.

Luck had nothing to do with it, in reality.

Jay has worked hard for every single thing he’s achieved.

“You always knew it was hockey for you?” I guess I know the answer, but I didn’t know him growing up as a kid, only that year before he left for North Dakota.

“Yup.” He purses his lips on a nod, like he’s thinking back, but dusts it off quickly as he finishes off the last few mouthfuls of his food.

It will be cold now from our intense discussion, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“From the second I could hold a hockey stick. Maybe that’s the one thing my mom got right. ”

It’s my turn to slide my hand over to his and give it a squeeze. I know he brushes off his relationship with his mom whenever it is brought up, but the scars are buried deep. I know it. “Maybe it is. Do you ever hear from her?”

There’s a long stretch of silence, which makes me glance up to see if he’s heard me. He wraps his thumb and forefinger around his chin while he contemplates. “Every so often,” he says. “She tried to call me yesterday, as it happens. She texted me recently, too.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I figure that’s why I had that extra tequila shot.”

“So you don’t keep in regular contact?”

He pops a shoulder and I can almost feel the open barrier between us suddenly finding its limit and closing right before my eyes.

He slips his hand from mine and folds both of his hands together in his lap, his body rigid again, his eyes a little harder, like they were when I talked about Aaron.

“Not at all. There’s been instances in the past. I’ve paid for her rehab a few times, but she seems to always fall back off the wagon.

I think she just wanted the money personally. ”

“Jay, I’m so sorry.”

He blows out an exhale, which is long and drawn out. “It doesn’t matter. I put all that behind me a long time ago.”

“What do you think she’d be calling for now?”

“Could be anything. Probably money, I’ve given it to her in the past. Tried to help her when she needed it, but it never goes anywhere. I’ll never forgive her for some of the situations she put me through.”

“I know,” I whisper. “And you don’t have to. You’ve made something of yourself all off your own back. That’s something to be so proud of.”

“I didn’t want to end up like her,” he says simply. “That was my biggest motivator.”

“You’ve come so far.”

“That day—” He looks down at his hands, the bob in his throat accentuated by a hard swallow.

“That day your dad and Robbie found me, I’ll never forget it.

” The storm in his face, washing over his eyes, seems to settle as we look at each other, though the golden flicker of the candle burns even brighter than before.

“They really saved me, Jade. And I’ve never looked back since that day. ”

I want to ask him more. Other than that eavesdropping conversation when he caught me listening to my parents that night, he’s never spoken of it.

And his testament is, he’s never looked back. And it’s believable, so, so believable, because it’s the truth.

But as I look at him square in the eye, I can’t help the tug to my heart. Has he really buried it in the past, never to be looked at again? I can’t tell.

Does he really have no feeling towards his mother who put him through hell?

I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, not one bit. But like me, I tend to think he’s kept some things buried. And his secrets have stemmed back a long, long time. Much longer than mine, which seems miniscule compared to what he’s been through.

My lips part to ask him, but he shifts in his seat and sits back with an oomph. “Ready for the check?” That cheeky half smile returns, like the things we just spoke of are long behind us. And maybe to him, they are.

I get how he would be uncomfortable discussing the past, and tonight isn’t how I expected this to go.

“There’s something in that drink,” he says as he reaches to help me out of the seat. Warm fingers wrap around mine once more. “One more sip and I’ll be confessing all my sins.”

“We can’t have that,” I say, trying to keep my voice light despite my concern, because deep down I think he’s always put on a brave face and that makes me feel sad.

Jay is a tough cookie to crack, and he’s definitely not going to be cracked tonight.

Jay

My fears of tumbling out more than I should have with Jade tonight are shoved to the back of my mind for now.

I know from experience there’s just no point in dredging up the past. I don’t even know why I started talking about it.

I also don’t want to think about texting or calling my mom back.

I’m just not ready for any drama with her.

Nothing good can ever come from talking about my mom or wishing she was someone different. Like an actual parent who gives a fuck about me. But she never will be and I’ve accepted that far too long ago to ever re-neg with myself.

I made a promise when I left to live with my grandpa Ray, and after that night on the cliff, that I would never become like her. Never. I would never make another person feel like they were nothing, like a worthless piece of scum.

Instead, I focus on the fact Jade and I had an amazing afternoon, which tumbled into the evening over Japanese food and a carafe of rice wine. Something I never expected in a million years to enjoy. But she’s good company. Easy company.

And I like it a lot.

I drop her back to Beth’s straight after the restaurant.

We talk easily in the car about the new fancy footwork we have to practice in our own time, nothing hard or heavy like we did over dinner.

I know she must be beat from basically exercising all day, and she mentioned wanting to go over the footage and download some shots to her social media later.

I make a mental note to start following her now I know what her page is called, and go stalk her as much as possible.

“I had a great time today,” I say as I idle outside Beth’s townhouse, the Douglas fir trees line the quiet street, tall and bold in their own presence, swaying calmly in the breeze.

She turns a little in her seat, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I did, too.”

“You know I’m going to be dreaming about the hot shoe shuffle all night,” I chuckle.

Jade slaps me on the shoulder. “It’s not the hot shoe shuffle!”