Page 32 of Playing for Keeps (Seattle Hawks Ice Hockey #4)

Jade

After enjoying treats with the girls and catching up all afternoon, I head home just about whistling in my little Ford SUV I’ve had for years. It’s been a beautiful afternoon, mainly clear blue skies and the sun teetering on the edges of the clouds.

I texted Tanner when I was waiting for my folks to collect me at the airport.

He’s coming over with Deb and Luca for dinner tonight, so I’m sure the topic of Jay is going to come up at several points.

Especially since they all know we had some dancing lessons for the big day and Jay is the best man and all.

I’m looking forward to helping Deb with anything she needs in the lead up to the wedding. Many hands make light work, as Mom always says. What I’m not looking forward to is laying everything on the line with my whole family here tonight.

Maybe I’ll look to Robbie for salvation, he’s always on my side, especially after the hour long belly rub I gave him when I got home. He always knows if he rolls onto his back in dramatic slow motion, he’ll catch my attention and I won’t be able to say no to giving him a full body massage.

I help Mom in the kitchen and we chat idly about what I’ve been up to in Seattle for the past couple of weeks and how Beth and Jay are doing.

The sounds of little feet running up the hallway breaks our conversation, and I’m crouched down and ready when Luca bounds around the corner faster than his legs will carry him and launches into my arms.

“Aunty Jade!” he cries in a high-pitched squeal, his little arms and legs wrapping around me.

“Hi, my darling boy.” I hug him close to my chest and stand upright, swinging him around as he giggles and hangs onto me with a squeeze. Tanner and Deb follow close behind with some wine and a platter of food.

A round of hugs and kisses and excited chatter ensues, and I don’t want to put my little nephew down.

He has the blue-eyed charm of our side of the family, and gorgeous little blonde curls.

My heart tugs for a moment when an image of what it would be like to have Jay’s child, my belly round and our hearts full of love for our own little bundle, crop up in my mind.

It comes from nowhere and is completely unwarranted. I almost need to slap myself.

We might have kissed on two occasions, with him giving me three orgasms in one session without even getting one item of clothing off, and my mind is booking the chapel and picking out school districts.

I feel foolish, but no one is remotely aware of the embarrassed flush to my cheeks at my unrealistic thoughts about the future. Thank god for that.

I’ve no idea what Jay wants in his future, and I’ve no idea how we’re going to navigate this if and when we decide to pursue more. I mean, he sure sounded like he wasn’t done with me yet. Not by a long shot.

His words: One day I want to taste you for real.

Nothing would give me more pleasure , ring in my ears like a tambourine, almost rattling my brain.

It’s enough to get my heart kick started again, the flame of excitement burning more than just a flicker deep inside me.

It’s an unbridled yearning for a man I know I shouldn’t fall for.

A man I know I can’t fall for. It’s all kinds of impossible and crazy.

I know for one that Jay just simply isn’t a relationship kind of guy.

Even if I didn’t see him for so long, I followed him quite a bit over the years in the NHL.

Other than a girlfriend early on in his career, several years ago, he doesn’t appear to have had a girlfriend since.

There certainly is a host of candid photos of him at an array of charity and hockey events with different women each time.

Most of which seem to look like a carbon cut out of Janey.

I roll my eyes at the thought and my mind tells me that he didn’t want her, remember?

Over dinner it’s an easy conversation, most of it is questions towards me about my trip to Seattle and what I’ve been up to.

I tell them about Jay taking me ice skating, the hockey game, and going to the Arboretum to take photos for my website, the part they know about, as well as the dance lessons where Jay couldn’t stop saying cha-cha-cha and wiggling his hips.

“Sounds like you’ve been hanging out with Jay a tonne,” Tanner says. “Hope he was looking out for you.”

I grab my glass of water from the table, clutching it at the rim, all eyes are on me as we eat.

I’m sure my swallow is largely audible, but I can’t be sure.

“He was great,” I say with an enthusiastic smile.

“You know Jay.” I want to slap myself for sure.

What they don’t know is how I’ve grown feelings for him that I never knew I could explore.

Not to mention how great he is with his hands…

and those hot, wet kisses took me beyond orbit.

When my fingertips grazed over his ridiculously hard length, I got the shock of my life.

Those ad campaigns of Jay in his underwear, the same one that Tyler and Jake both appeared in, showcased the treasure inside the underwear in its true form.

Jay is as jacked as a man can get and I feel bad, as well as a little frustrated, that I didn’t get to explore it further or give him something to be dreaming about.

“What else has been happening?” Tanner asks. I notice he’s not brought up a stitch about the wedding yet, but maybe they need a break from all the wedding plans.

It’s then that I realize my big opening has just been handed to me, so I take a breath, a long exhale making my shoulders relax back, well, as relaxed as they can be.

“Well, I’ve been looking into elements of that yoga app I was talking about a few months ago, and I’ve decided to take the plunge and launch it after the new year. ”

Deb claps her hands together excitedly, and Luca follows suit, though he’s just following her actions, it still makes me smile. “That’s wonderful, Jade.”

“Thanks,” I say warmly. “It’s taking a lot of work because people will pay a subscription, and I have to have a lot of different workouts and at least two new classes a week.”

“That sounds like an awful lot out of your already busy schedule,” Mom says, passing Dad the bread basket.

“You know how she is,” Dad says, casting me a wink. “Jade will make it work. As long as you’re not burning yourself out, it sounds great.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to do that when you’re working full time?” Tanner asks, stuffing more vegetable pie into his mouth.

“Well, that’s the thing,” I laugh nervously into my glass of water I’ve just raised to my mouth again.

Though I’m thinking I should have gone with something stronger.

“I already quit my job back in LA. I’m not going back to that school, only to grab my things from storage and from Susan’s place who has some of my textbooks. ”

All eyes land on me in one fell swoop and I feel a sudden dryness hit the back of my throat, my stomach twinges a little nervous pang to match everything else.

“You what?” Mom just about falls off her chair.

“Yeah, I’m not going back,” I say. “Aaron and I are over, as you know. But I decided I wanted to come back to San Diego and start teaching yoga here.” At least I thought I did. But all I can think about at the moment is Seattle.

Tanner’s forehead scrunches. “Teach yoga for a job? Do people make a living from that?”

“Some do,” I quickly say, avoiding my mom’s shocked face. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I love doing it.”

“And you don’t love teaching at the school anymore, Honey?” Dad asks. “I know it’s been a lot on your plate lately, but this is kinda coming out of left field.”

“I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure,” I go on. “But after being away and having a chance to think about what I really want to do, it’s made me realize I’m just not enjoying working in a high school like I thought I would.”

“And you didn’t think to tell us you’d quit your job?” My mom’s disappointment is palpable.

I sigh and put my knife and fork down, and I don’t want what I say next to be a pity party thrown in my honor, but they deserve to know the truth. “I wanted to tell you,” I say. “I really did. But I just didn’t know how. The same with what really happened with me and Aaron.”

“What about you and Aaron?” Dad asks as Luca tries crawling across into his lap to get to his dinner roll.

“The reason we broke up is because he cheated,” I say. “I found out before my last trip to Seattle.”

“Wait—what?” Tanner stiffens, his cutlery landing on his plate with a clatter.

“It’s true,” I say. “He got caught out and then tried to deny it. It all got on top of me, so I moved my stuff out one weekend while he was away playing basketball and stayed with Susan before I flew out for Seattle to see Beth.”

“I thought you were on extended leave?” Mom says, her mouth just about hanging open.

“I was, Mom. But I decided to make it permanent. I gave out my notice and spent the rest of the time working on my app. There were too many reminders of Aaron, and I had hardly made any friends in LA. It was like living in a concrete bowl.”

“Why are we just hearing about this now?” Dad’s tone has taken a turn for the worst, and as I glance over at him, his eyes are like a storm cloud. “Is that why you didn’t want me to come and help you move? You thought I’d find out what that cheating, lying asshole did?”

“Billy!” Mom chastises, flicking her eyes towards her grandson.

Luca is busy stuffing Dad’s dinner roll into his mouth to be too concerned about his grandpa’s swearing.

“Yes, that is the reason,” I say honestly. “I didn’t want you guys to worry. I knew you’d be mad.” As I look at Tanner beside him, I can see his face is a serious rainstorm, the same as my dad’s. Oh no. This isn’t what I wanted at all.

“He cheated?” Tanner grits out.

Deb reaches over and gives my forearm a squeeze. The air temperature in the room has been lowered a few notches, but it still feels stifling.

“Yes, he cheated,” I say. “And took no responsibility for it.” They don’t need to know all the other sordid, embarrassing details. As if the just cheating part isn’t bad enough.

“I’m so sorry,” Deb whispers.

My smile toward her is small, but appreciated. Even Mom’s eyes soften.

“Honey, why didn’t you tell us?” she cries, just about leaping from her seat. She leans over from the end of the table and pulls me into her arms. Damn those tears that just seem to want to leak out all over the place. They rim the surface, but I quickly wipe them away.

“I didn’t want you guys to all get upset. And I thought I was handling it,” I say. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about school. I felt bad because I wasn’t gelling there and I’ve put so much into my degree. I didn’t want it all to be a waste of time.”

“It’s not a waste of time,” Mom says, her voice shaky and on the verge of tears, too.

“We just want you to be happy,” Dad says. “No matter what, Jade.”

Mom pulls back and cups my cheek with her hand. “You never have to handle these big changes in your life all by yourself. I’m shocked that you kept all this from us.”

The hurt in her eyes bites back at me. And here I was thinking I’d done the right thing, not wanting them to worry about me.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I realize now I should have told you, but I was just trying to navigate around it in my own way.”

“I really hope I don’t run into that ass?—”

Mom waves her hand toward Tanner before he can finish his sentence and swears again in front of Luca.

“Maybe I should come with you to LA when you retrieve your belongings,” Dad says, and the edge to his voice indicates that would involve taking a little trip over to Aaron’s place.

“It’s okay, Dad.” I shake my head. “It’s really not worth it. He’s not worth it.”

“But you are,” Dad goes on. “And I’d love to give that guy a piece of my mind.”

“A piece of my mind!” Luca calls out with enthusiasm and I can’t help but laugh because he’s repeating my dad with no idea what he’s really saying.

I’m just glad he didn’t repeat the word asshole.

But just like that, little Luca breaks the tenseness that formed around the table with my two big confessions.

Robbie even barks to that under the table, where he’s wormed his way in to catch any left overs that get dropped.

“Thank goodness we’ve got you to keep us on the straight and narrow,” I say towards my gorgeous little nephew.

“He certainly has his way with words,” Deb laughs.

A squeeze of a hand over mine tears my eyes away from my nephew and my eyes meet Mom’s. I know she’s hurt and upset that I kept these things from her, but I also know there’s no judgement either. She will come around, even if I know they’ll be worried if I can make a living going out on my own.

“That he does,” I reply. “Now, how about we get to the nitty-gritty over the upcoming wedding over dessert?” Nothing like tactfully changing the subject, even if it really is something I need to get up to speed on with the big day not far away.

“Sounds like a plan,” Deb agrees.

“Do you want to help me, Luca?” I ask, knowing we have his favorite chocolate mud cake and ice cream for dessert.

“Yes, please!” His little hand jumps to attention in the air and the remains of his dinner roll flies up with it and onto the floor. Only to be gobbled up in half a second by Robbie the wonder dog.

Everyone laughs, and once again, he breaks the last of any tension that might have been.