Page 41 of Phobia

He sniffed and blinked hard a couple of times, finally picking his head up but still refusing to look at me. After a moment, when it was clear he’d locked down whatever overcame him, he gave me one of his dazzling smiles, complete with dimples. “You want to swing by that cookie place on the way home? My treat.”

I shook my head in defeat. I had my answer in a roundabout way—whatever demons Larkin had definitely came from his early childhood, but I’d be damned if I knew what they were. His time in New Mexico was the only part of his life that remained a mystery to me and it was beyond frustrating. He’d helped me so much over the years, had been an absolute rock for me, but he wouldn’t let me return the favor. It hurt. But it also wasn’t about me, so I tried to let it go.

“Yeah. Sure,” I sighed. Since he wasn’t going to open up, I might as well let him find comfort in fresh, baked-to-order cookies.

“So tell me more about the claustrophobia thing,” he said as we started walking, his not-so-subtle way of getting the spotlight off of himself. “Green apples?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged, trying to ignore the fact our arms brushed against one another every couple of steps. “I guess if you smell green apples or cucumbers then you think a space is bigger than what it is.”

“Weird.”

“Science.”

“Science is weird.”

“You’re weird,” I countered, giving him a light shove.

“Don’t start with me, Kincaid!” He held up a finger in warning.

“Or what?” I shoved him again, this time a little harder.

“You know what.” He shoved me back with a grin. “There’s a reason I was the state wrestling champ two years in a row.”

“Gotta catch me first.” I shoved him backward and took off down the sidewalk. I might not have been a jock, but I’d always been able to outrun him, especially over any sort of long distance.

It didn’t take long for the sound of his shoes hitting the concrete to catch up to me. I turned to see how much separation there was, alarmed to find he’d closed the distance quicker than I anticipated.

His arms wrapped around me from behind and we careened off the sidewalk, falling into a massive pile of leaves that had been abandoned at the edge of a manicured lawn.

Laughing, I rolled over to look at him, noting I was still within the circle of his arms since he’d locked his fingers together to hold on to me. “Where did you come from?”

“I’ve been practicing my sprints,” he replied with a laugh of his own. “Gotta be ready to chase bad guys, right?”

“Yeah. Nice tackle, by the way. Except I don’t think the FBI tackles people. They’re too dignified for that.”

His arms tightened around me ever so slightly, his grin widening. “I don’t think I’m applying to the FBI anymore.”

I frowned at him. Joining the FBI had been his dream for as long as I could remember. He was obsessed with serial killers and vowed to stop as many of them as he could. What the fuck had happened to make him change his mind? “Why not?”

“You don’t have any control over where you’re assigned. And I want to be able to pick where I live.”

“Where do you want to live?”

“Wherever you are.”

I scoffed and tried to shove myself away from him. “You’re an idiot.”

He held on, keeping me close. “I’m serious. I need you in my life, Jamie. You’re my best friend. The only person who really gets me.”

“You can’t give up on your dream job for me.”

“I’d give up everything for you.” His dark eyes shone in the moonlight, glittering like the night sky above. My heart thumped painfully, reminding me of all the reasons he would never be mine. As pretty as his words were, that’s all they were.

“Larkin…” I touched his cheek before disentangling myself from his arms so I could sit up. It was better if I wasn’t looking at him, or touching him. I had more resolve when there was some separation between us. “You can’t say stuff like that.”

“But it’s true.” He sat up behind me but hung back, out of my line of sight.

“Don’t you see how confusing this is? What happened back there with Cody makes it worse. You say and do these things in private that give me hope but when someone calls you out on it, you freak out. I can’t do it anymore. It hurts too much.”