Page 190 of Phobia

He raked his eyes over me. “I hope you’ll be waiting too, Graysin.” He brushed his fingers over the top of the island counter and then knocked his knuckles against it twice. “Back in a few.”

Ugh, my heart was toast. I exhaled slowly and slumped against the counter behind me. I’d survived the first part without acting like a total fool. I busied myself washing a few dirty dishes while I waited, running through what I’d say to him once he returned. I didn’t know why this was so hard. It’s not like I’d never asked anyone to come to a party with me before. Hell, I’d asked Gage and Nate just yesterday. But that was different. I didn’t have non-platonic feelings for either of them. I knew if Kellen came with me, it wouldn’t be adateper se, but it still felt like a bigger deal. I also wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings about me bailing on him yesterday, hence my stupid nerves.

About ten minutes later, Kellen came strolling into the kitchen, and I decided I’d much rather have him for dinner than the Chinese food. His damp hair was tousled and glistened with left-behind water droplets, like he’d been in a hurry to dry off and get back down here. He wore gray sweatpants now, sans shirt, and his feet were bare. Peeking out of the top of his sweatpants was the elastic band from his white Calvin’s. I swallowed hard and tried to ignore the drool-worthy dish standing before me and focus on the take-out food instead.

He sucked in an exaggerated inhale and released a contented sigh. “It smells amazing. Are you sure there’s enough? I don’t want to steal your dinner.”

I waved his comment away. “There’s plenty.” I grabbed the containers from the bag one by one and began to set them on the island counter.

“Thanks for sharing. I’ll buy next time.”

Hell yes, there will be a next time.

Kellen slipped behind me to grab the two plates and two sets of silverware that I’d just washed from the dish drainer, drying them quickly. He brushed against me on his way back around to lay them out on the island. The nearness of his body to mine sent a shiver up my spine. I felt so pathetically juvenile, getting all excited by him stepping into my personal bubble, but I couldn’t help it. I really liked him.

We piled food on our plates, sat at two of the barstools across from each other, and dug in. We ate in companionable silence, both evidently starving.

“So, did your friend get everything sorted?” he asked a few minutes and about a dozen bites of chicken lo mein later.

“Yes, thank you. And sorry again for canceling on you.”

“It’s okay. You made up for crushing my heart with this take-out.” My mouth froze open as my brain scrambled to think of a reply. He gave me a warm smile, then hopped up and headed toward the fridge. “I’m grabbing a beer. Want one?”

“I’ll take a can of pop. Thanks.” He grabbed a can of cola for me and a beer for himself and sat back down.

“Not a beer fan?” he asked, sliding the pop my way. The beer made ahissas he pulled the top open. He shoveled a wonton into his mouth and chewed while waiting for my reply.

I finished a bite of chicken fried rice and wiped my mouth on a napkin, then cracked my own can open. “I like beer. But I’m still mostly avoiding alcohol in general these days.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

I could hear the unspoken “Why?” in his tone, and the next words tumbled out of my mouth before I had a chance to consider how they’d sound. “I drank way too much at a party last spring break and ended up doing some stupid shit.”

Kellen coughed and pounded on his chest while his eyes watered. After chugging some of his beer, he cleared his throat. “Damn,” he rasped.

“Are you okay?”

He coughed once more into his napkin. “Wonton went down the wrong pipe,” he said in a scratchy voice. He inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Better now.” The corners of his eyes tightened, and he pressed his lips into a thin line. “I think.” His voice at least sounded clearer that time. “So, what happened?”

“What?” I frowned but then realized he was talking about what I’d revealed, and not him choking. “Oh. At the party?” He nodded, and I continued, “I lost count of how much I’d had to drink. One minute I was downing a shot with Blaine, and the next I was waking up next to a naked woman I knew from one of my classes.”

The memory from that morning replayed in my head. I’d woken up in the bedroom I usually used when I stayed overnight at the Colfield mansion, only I wasn’t alone. One of my Marketing Methods classmates was passed out beside me. We were both naked. An open bottle of lube, condom wrappers, and a few sex toys were strewn on the bed, and we had both looked like we’d been through the wringer. My memory of the night before was more than a little fuzzy—it was practically nonexistent—but the evidence was clear that some shit had happened.

She’d stirred awake not long after me, looking confused, and then her eyes had widened in horror. “What the fuck happened?” she’d screeched, pulling the blankets to her chest and glaring at me like it was all my fault. I was tired and had the worst hangover I’d ever experienced in my life. That paired with her silent accusations—the kind of thing that triggered me because of my overly critical parents—had pissed me off. “Apparently, we fucked. Several times by the looks of it,” I’d snapped back, gesturing to the mess on the bed. She’d gone on a tirade after that. “I’m seeing someone. Oh my God. He’s gonna kick my ass to the curb.”My reply, a shouted “Would you calm the fuck down?” was never a good response in general, but especially in that situation. She’d flinched and tears had sprung to her angry eyes, spilling from the corners and down her cheeks. At that moment I’d felt too physically shitty to care. “Look,” I’d continued, pressing two fingers to my temples and rubbing, “Neither of us meant for this to happen. We can just keep this between us. It’s fine. Mistakes happen.”

I shoved my food around the plate with my spoon and took a sip of pop while my leg bounced up and down on the bottom rung of my stool. “She flipped out and yelled some things. I yelled back. She cried. It was a giant cluster.”

“Damn, Graysin.” Kellen’s brow furrowed. “That sucks.”

“Yeah…” I took another bite, but the flavor was suddenly lackluster. Talking or thinking about what had happened always tanked my mood. Especially because I still didn’t really know what exactly we’d done. It must have been pretty…intense…because I had been sore all over. And when she’d stood up, still holding the blanket to her chest, and turned to look for her clothes, I’d noticed scratches on her back with blood pooled just under the surface of the skin.

While I had no qualms about random hookups, it just wasn’t a thing I liked to do while blackout drunk. I didn’t like losing control like that. I’d slipped downstairs after she stormed out and mentioned it to Blaine once I’d found him swimming in the indoor pool. His advice? Damage control before things exploded in my face.

Kellen’s lips turned down and he stared at his plate. “Did you two run into each other after that? I imagine that would be awkward.”

“Once, the week following. She just looked the other way and took her seat. I didn’t see her again after that, but the class had been in one of the giant lecture halls. I’m sure she was probably trying to avoid me like I was her.”

“Hmm. Probably.”