Page 292 of Phobia

I shouldn’t be surprised. He said he’d ruin me.

Chapter 14

I feel cold, which is weird because I remember being too hot before I fell asleep and unable to do anything about it.

“Stop wriggling,” Dom had ordered when I tried to escape his hold. I hadn’t expected him to be a hugger, but it felt good, safe, and it didn’t take long for me to nod off.

That heat has gone now, though, because Dom’s no longer close.

Stretching out my arm, all I feel are cool sheets. Peeling open my eyes, I confirm my suspicions. I’m alone. Focusing, I take in the numbers on the clock—9:33.

Fuck!My pill. I need to get home for my pill.

No time to wonder where he is. I jump up, only to slump back down when a wave of dizziness knocks me for six. I just moved too fast, that’s all. It’s nothing to do with my racing heart, the panic rising, my dry mouth or the cold sweat coating my palms.

We used a condom. It didn’t break. We used a condom. It didn’t break.I scream the words in my mind, trying to rationalise with a fear that never concedes.

He came in me.

Only when we did anal… only in my mouth—you can’t reach the ovaries that way.

Bloody hell, I need Kelly.

Rising more slowly, I reach for my phone, the message thread with Kelly already open. I contacted her last night before Dom and I snuggled to ensure she was OK. Just like he’d promised, she’d been looked after.

Freaking out!

That’s all I say since there’s no need to explain. I watch the second tick pop up, alerting me that the message has been delivered, but I’m not waiting—she can counsel me while I’m on the move. I need to take my pill and stick to my schedule. It works best when you stick to a schedule.

Finding my dress, I slide it on and search for my knickers, only to remember Dom slipping them into his pocket after inhaling their scent. Scanning the room, I realise his trousers are missing, but that’s fine. I’ll get them from him before I go.

Yes. Go. I need to go.

Checking my phone, I see that Kelly still hasn’t read my message, so I rush to the bathroom to deal with my aching bladder.

My foot bounces on the heated floor, and I take deep breaths, trying to find my calm. When I feel out of control, when a fear most people think makes no sense has me in its grip, I need to focus on what can be rationalised.

I’m breathing.That’s real.

My vagina and arsehole feel like they’ve been destroyed.That’s real.

Dom buys posh loo roll. That’s real.

Flushing the toilet, I go to the sink and catch my reflection.

I look like absolute shit.That’s real.

Washing my hands, I focus on what I need to deal with, breaking everything down into manageable steps.

Tame hair.

Retrieve underwear.

Get home.

Not much I can do about the love bites and teeth marks on my chest and neck right now, but I’ll have to wear clothing that’ll hide them for a while.

Shit…Sunday lunch with my aunt and uncle. Another reason to get back home. I need to work through my process and get my shit together before seeing them.