Page 110 of Phobia

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I had woken up feeling different that day, tired of the same old song and dance. My life was hard enough already so I was glad it was over with Elle. After she left, I went up to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, grabbed a towel, and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked tired and the grey hairs were becoming more prominent on the sides of my head, just above my ears. My thirty-eighth birthday had come and gone, and I looked more and more like my dad. The genes were strong in the Hernandez side of the family. My parents were from Mexico but moved to Furgón, Illinois when my sister and I were just little kids.

My eyes wandered to the pendant on my chest. It was celestite. Most people call it moonstone. Silver wire wrapped in intricate loops and circles around the stone kept it locked its setting. According to the old man that gave it to me, it was supposed to help connect me to my spirit guides to help protect me. I had met the old man at a mercado, or Mexican marketplace in downtown Furgón. He said he was a Shaman, gifted in helping with the spirit world. Out of curiosity, I went to his stand because my house had been haunted since I had bought and moved into it five years ago. By the time I had finally decided to just sell the place, it was too late. I had already done the unthinkable one night and quickly swore I would never leave the house ever again. I was stuck with it, me, and the spirits.

It felt like it was a fitting punishment, for what I’d done. So, I had never taken off the celestite pendant in hopes it would help me with the spirits, or at least through the transformation process. I’m what you’d call a lone or rogue wolf. I had a family once, when I was very young, but they were murdered, and I’ve been on my own ever since. Without a pack, I’ve struggled with my transformations. The first time, when I hit puberty, was excruciatingly painful and lasted for hours. Skin stretched. Bones broke and reformed. Now when I change, it happens much quicker albeit no less agonizing. I chained myself up in the basement alone and battled the transformation with the spirits.

My alarm went off, breaking me out of my daze. It was eight o’clock in the morning. My scheduled grocery delivery would be there in thirty minutes and then I had my therapy appointment thirty minutes after that. I quickly showered and got dressed for the day, feeling relieved that I had broken everything off with Elle. Then the thought of the full moon and Halloween entered my mind. It would be rough.

My doorbell rang at eight-thirty on the dot, just like every Monday. There’s a bin I keep just inside the front door for the delivery woman to set my bags inside so I don’t need to get close to her, or anyone for that matter.

“Mr. um, Mr. Hernandez…?” The delivery girl asked hesitantly through the door. She had an enamored look in her eyes as she stared at me.

“Yeah. You can place the bags inside this bin. No need for you to come inside.” She shot me a confused look then finished loading until the last bag was in the bin. I signed the receipt, acknowledging my order was delivered properly, thanked her with a generous tip, and closed the front door. I still had a few minutes before the therapy appointment, so I quickly carried the bags to the kitchen and put everything away.

The pandemic had changed everything, but I was living my best life during the lock downs. It wasn’t odd to anyone that I never left the house then, and I didn’t need to worry about people coming to visit or trying to solicit me with their services. Most of all, I worried about them hearing me transform in the basement.

I flipped open my laptop and started the zoom session. A computer window opened to show my therapist, Dr. Cressida Leon. Insanely attractive. Beautiful, really. “Silas, hi! It’s good to see you this week. How are you feeling?” She’s always been very kind and she had never made me feel like I was beyond help. I thought I was, in a way, but it was nice to know she was there for me.

“Hi, Cressida. I’m fine and you?” I was bouncing my knee under my desk.

“I’m just good, but let’s talk about why you’re so nervous right now.” She caught me off guard. Her voice was very soothing.

“Nervous? How can you tell?”

She tilted her head to the side before saying, “There’s a subtle movement to your upper body which tells me you’re bouncing your knee. You’re turned just slightly away from me, too. You don’t look relaxed at all. Did something happen?”

I released the breath I had been holding. She was good. “Just Monday grocery delivery…and I broke things off with Elle.” I guess I’m grateful Cressida’s always been able to recognize those moments. I mean, I do pay her the big bucks to notice that shit.

She sat forward placing her chin on her fist as her elbow leaned on her desk. “Tell me what happened with Elle.” She’s always so attentive. If she ever has other things on her mind, you wouldn’t know it. Maybe that’s what I craved from Elle. I shook my head trying to get her out of my mind. It didn’t matter.

“Not much to tell. I think…no, IknowI’ve been wanting to end things for some time with her. I had just had enough when she pushed a topic with me that I’ve continuously asked her not to push.”

A crease formed between her eyes as she looked at me. “What topic is that?”

I wasn’t prepared to talk about my pendant. I reached up and grabbed it, glancing down briefly before saying, “She tried to grab my pendant again. Might sound like a childish, inconsequential thing but I don’t want anyone to touch it and I feel like that’s not too much to fucking ask.”

She nodded. “I see. It’s celestite, right?”

I was surprised she recognized it. “Um, yeah. How did you know that?”

“Stones are powerful, Silas. Do you feel close to your spirit guides? Is it serving its purpose for you?”

She blew my mind. “Yes... I guess I do. You shock me, Doc.”

“What’s the matter? Didn’t expect your therapist to believe in spirit guides?”

I chuckled, “No, not really.”

She smiled and it was beautiful before her tone took a more serious but still pleasant character. “Life is full of the unexpected, Silas. We all have our faiths. If your pendant brings you comfort, and you feel it’s serving its purpose, then you must protect it at all costs, Silas. Often times, people with a lack of boundaries hate it when someone enforces boundaries. That’s a boundary for you. You did the right thing for yourself today.” Her smile returned.

I grinned back at her and nodded, finding myself at a loss for words. I suddenly felt a sense of calm and relief. No one had ever realized just how much thisthingmeant to me. She seemed to understand though, so she asked another question.

“Silas, tell me about the weekend? Any time spent outside?”

Of course not.“No, but Ididopen the windows. That was nice. Fall is definitely here.” She pursed her lips but said nothing, so I continued. “And next week is Halloween, which is my favorite day of the year, despite the full moon.” I paused for second because I hadn’t meant to add that last part, but went on, “I added a bunch of candy to my grocery delivery, and I’m planning to hand it out,” I laughed before continuing, “If I don’t eat it all first. Probably should’ve saved it fornextweek’s grocery delivery.”

She laughed. “That’s great. You’ll get to open your door and see all the kids in their costumes. Maybe see some adults you know. I think this is good for you.” She didn’t say anything about my moon comment. “Why don’t you like the full moon?”