Page 261 of Phobia

I pout, but I don’t say what I’m thinking. “How are you feeling?” I pull him closer, and it takes very little effort for him to wind up wrapped around me. “Talk to me, beautiful.”

He breathes into the crook of my neck. “I remember it now… Waking up last week. Lena had come home from work and went straight into her room. I called to her through the door… Asked if she wanted to talk. If she was okay… But she said she was fine, and she told me to go to bed. To get some… sleep.”

He shivers, nestling himself into me while I stroke his hair. “I didn’t want to… I’ve been afraid of falling sleep for years. But sometimes my body just gives out, and there’s nothing I can do about it. All the coffee and Adderall in the world can only force your mind to stay on for so long…

“I lied down in bed, and closed my eyes.Just for a minute, I told myself. But when I woke up, I think hours had passed. I went to Lena’s room… I opened the door, I know I did. But something in my mind wouldn’t process what I saw. It was like I completely shut down, and erased it from my brain.”

“It’s a coping mechanism,” I whisper. “The mind can block out traumatic shit, suppress memories and whatnot…”

He nods. “That’s what happened. And suddenly, my phobia was raging. Like this dark presence, looming over my head, every second of every day. A lot of the stuff that had been building foryears wassuddenly sooverpowering… Like the hallucinations. When my brain would get so tired, I couldn’t tell if I was awake or not. I felt like the world was going to end as soon as I closed my eyes… Istillfeel like that, Jules.”

“It’s okay, baby,” I shush him, fingers combing through his hair. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I just want you to know I’m here for you.”

Asa pulls back to peer up at me. “Jules… I’ve fallen in love with you. I don’t even know how it’s possible, but amidst all this bullshit, you came into my life and you… woke me up. You woke me from the mummified state my fears had me in. You give me so much comfort, baby.” He pauses, and I can’t stop myself from dropping a tender kiss on his lips. “But… I don’t want you to have to deal with my issues. It’s too much strain on a new relationship. You’re perfect, Julian, and you deserve someone perfect in return. Not a tweaked-out shell of a human who’s afraid to close his eyes.”

“Stop,” I grumble, taking his face in my hands. “That’s all pure crap, Asa. I don’t care if you don’t think you’re good enough. That letter from your sister sure as shit said different.” His forehead lines, lips sloping into a pout. “When I first met you, I thought you were a junkie, or Schizophrenic or something… and Istillchased you around like a kid with a crush.”

A breath huffs out of him, the tiniest smile showing up on his mouth.

“Meeting you changed everything for me, Asa. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, or love… It just happened. Because we have something special, and it’s okay if you’re afraid. I am too. We can face our fearstogether.”

Asa bites his lip, dropping his forehead to mine. “I can’t believe I have you… That’s the scariest thing. I can’t sleep knowing I could lose you, baby…”

I kiss his trembling lips. “To die, to sleep… No more. And by a sleep to say we end… The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. ’Tis a consummation, devoutly to be wished… To die, tosleep. To sleep, perchance todream. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come… When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must… give us pause.”

Asa pulls back enough to gape at me. I wink at him, and he smiles.

“Romeo and Juliet…?” His head tilts, and I scoff.

“Hamlet.” I grumble, shaking my head admonishingly while he chuckles. “You’re awriter…”

A bigger laugh bubbles from him, and it has me beaming. “Not anactor, like you.” He purses his lips.

I brush mine over his, teasing them. “If this is ever gonna work, you’ll need to learn your Shakespeare.”

He rolls on top of me, straddling my hips and dropping his mouth to my throat. “Will you teach me, Professor Jules?”

I grin, cupping his ass and helping him grind on me slowly, our dicks already stiff and rutting together. “I’m already teaching you how to be gay. What’s one more lesson?”

He snorts, then kisses. “Be honest… you didn’t give me underwear on purpose.” I grin wickedly, eyes closing from the sensation of him. “You wanted menakedunder these pants…”

“See? Now you’re getting it.”

Kisses turn heated. He sucks and bites my neck sore.

Clothes come off.

And I know it’s not smart, with my mom right out there, but I just can’t help myself. I need to get inside him again, more than I need to breathe.

I need to comfort him… In the way we’ve grown accustomed.

We’re burning alive, naked and panting, trying to be as quiet as possible while I suck and lick and stretch him with my fingers. And to my surprise, he wants to stay on top.

Asa, my blue-haired angel, sits astride me trembling. He pushes his hole against my cock and it takes a while for him to relax enough to take me in at this angle. But I don’t help him, because it’s his turn to take control. And I know he wants it, desperately.

When he finally swallows up my head, I feel like I could come in an instant. He sits on every aching inch, his cheeks resting on my pelvis, and his dick engorged, stretched shiny and leaking, almost reaching up to my chest.

“Fuck…” His head tips back, and he just sits with me inside him, rocking his hips, barely moving. “God, Jules… This angle… Every inch of you is inside me.”