Page 207 of Phobia

“I…I care about him. Very much.” I would sound nearly as fucked up as Blaine if I threw the L-word around right now. But I could easily see my feelings heading in that direction with Kellen. Guilt and anxiety sucker punched me in the gut at the thought of what Demon and I had done together. Would I tell Kellen about that? I didn’t know. I’d thought it was him at the time, after all. My head really must have been almost as fucked up as Blaine’s, because I had mixed feelings about this whole entire disaster.

On the plus side, after being constantly exposed to the masks these men had worn the last several days, I didn’t think that my mask fear would be an issue going forward. Somehow, surviving this whole ordeal had weakened the fear rather than making it worse. If I could survive something like this, I would find a way to deal with a creepy mask.

To round out the trio, Devil wandered over as well. He glared down at me with his arms crossed. “You should tell him that.”

“Am I getting romance advice from my faceless captors now? What the hell? This is so beyond fucked up.”

“You have no idea,” Demon said under his breath, shaking his head.

Devil reached a hand down toward me and shook it impatiently when I hesitated. “Get up before I change my mind,” he said.

I suspected he was smiling beneath the mask. I liked to think so, anyway. He helped me to my feet and then shoved me toward Demon, who stumbled as he caught me, then righted us both. Demon pulled something from his back pocket, and I shrank back a little, prepared to elbow him in the side again if needed, but it was just a black paisley bandana.

“We’re going to have to blindfold you. Kellen too.” His voice was low and apologetic. “You obviously could figure out our names and turn us in if you wanted to—”

“I won’t,” I stressed again.

“—but we still don’t need you knowing where this place is located.” He shrugged, then spun me around and tied the bandana in place over my eyes.

No longer able to see anything, I turned around and reached my arms out, feeling for him. I wanted to leave, and yet…

Demon grabbed my biceps and ran his hands down my arms, returning mine to my sides. His left hand snaked up my body and through my hair until he held the back of my head in a firm grip. My stomach twisted and my pulse jumped when he rested his forehead against mine. I felt his hair, his skin. He’d removed his mask.

Even though I couldn’t see him, it felt like now that Demon’s physical barrier had dropped, so had any last remnants of fight. The visceral anger and the hate that had practically vibrated in the air around these three men when we’d first been…introduced…was no longer present. The memories of the last few days twisted around inside my brain, covered in a layer of confusion and want. I was fucked in the head. I needed to get out of here.

Warm lips pressed against my temple. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Demon whispered.

With one last brush of his lips, he walked away. A slight rush of cool air swept along my arms and cheeks from the movement. That was the last I’d ever feel or hear Demon. I’d never get a chance to see his face, not that it mattered. In my head, he looked like Dave Franco with slightly longer hair, and that image was good enough for me. It had to be.

Chapter 9

Six weeks later

“I don’t think you can possibly stuff another piece of luggage in here,” Kellen said, peering into the trunk of Nate’s old sedan. “Do you really need all that for a two-week ski trip with your family?”

It was winter break, and most students had already cleared out for the holidays. Gage was flying overtop the Atlantic Ocean as we stood here. The lucky bastard was on his way to Ireland with a group of friends. He’d invited the three of us as well, but Nate couldn’t swing it, jokingly claiming to have gone broke buying gifts, and Kellen and I had both decided we’d had enough “excitement” to last a lifetime and opted to stay here instead. It would be nice and quiet with campus closed and many of the off-campus students gone through mid-January. And we would have the house to ourselves. It was a win-win situation.

Nate shrugged and tossed one last duffel bag in, and then pushed the trunk lid down, forcing it closed and banging on it once for good measure. “Two of the suitcases are gifts. My siblings and cousins would stick a ‘Return to Sender’ sticker on my ass and kick me to the curb if I showed up with anything less.” He grinned and wrapped his puffy jacket tighter around him, then checked his watch. “Alright, I gotta get going before the roads get too covered.” There’d been consistent snowfall the last several days. I was hoping this year we’d end up with a white Christmas, and not a sludgy, dirty Christmas like last year.

“Have a great time, Nate,” Kellen said, reaching out for a handshake.

Nate bypassed his arm and drew him in for a smack-on-the-back hug. “Thanks, man. You two stay out of trouble.” He winked at me, and we hugged goodbye.

As he pulled out of the driveway, I turned to Kellen, sliding my hand in his. “I’m freezing. Let’s go inside.”

He laced our fingers together and we headed toward the porch and up the steps. “There’s that whole naked body-heat method of warming up. We should go inside and try that.”

“And this is why we mesh so well.” I grinned and kissed him after he shut the door behind us, separating us from the bitter cold. Kellen wrapped his arms around my waist and tugged me in for a much longer, much slower, second kiss. The winter wind rattled the windows. I hoped Nate made it to his family before the roads froze. Otherwise, he’d have to pull off the highway and hunker down in some random hotel.

Kellen broke apart, kissing the tip of my nose once before pulling away. “This is true.”

Kellen and I had been dating for about six weeks now. As soon as we’d gotten home from the Halloween hell, we’d both dove right into the idea of a real relationship. Before the kidnapping, we’d briefly started to explore the whole “dominate in the bedroom” thing—albeit it had been in the kitchen at the time. After Blaine’s lies and truths had been exposed, I’d been afraid it might affect my bedroom time and preferences. It had been devastating to find out what he’d done to my mind and my body.

But they hadn’t changed. My preferences were what they were—I liked being controlled and I loved rough sex, though gentle had its place too—but there was a deeper layer to it now. Being with Kellen in that way made me feel safer, more protected, and more in control of my own destiny, in a way, because I was aware. I was present. I was asking for and receiving what I wanted. Since then, Kellen and I had been exploring each other a lot more. We really did mesh well together.

Gage had been ridiculously happy for us when we told him we were a thing. He’d looked at me with so much freaking joy on his face, and practically pinched my cheeks in excitement. He was such a good person. I got a twinge of guilt whenever I thought about how I’d lied to him when we got home a few days after Halloween. That reunion had been…interesting.

I’d made a promise to Demon, Devil, and Wolfie, and for some crazy reason, I fully intended to hold myself to it. Besides, I really didn’t feel like talking about it with anyone, other than my therapist and sometimes Kellen. And Kellen was of the same mind. My excuse as to why we’d looked so rough and ragged was full of holes that Gage saw through from a mile away, but he’d agreed to drop the topic when I’d asked him to.