Page 32 of Persuaded

Despite Quinton’s invitation, Joshua did not go back to his apartment that night.

“Ah,” Quinton said as Joshua pulled on his jacket, one eye on the door through which Finn had left. “I see I’m too late to the party.”

Distracted, Joshua frowned. “Uh, what party?”

A slight smile. “This one.” He tapped Joshua’s chest, cocking his head. “ That , I assume, was the one that got away?”

“Not exactly. That is, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Hmm.” Quinton gave him an appraising look. “Pity.” He flashed a smile at the barman and gestured for another drink. “Well, if you ever change your mind, darling, give me a call.”

Joshua offered a hand to shake—“I’ll bear that in mind”—but Quinton ignored it and leaned in to kiss both cheeks.

“Go on then, run after Prince Charming.”

But Joshua didn’t run. Instead, he went straight home and spent a sleepless night wondering what Finn’s anger meant and what he should do about it.

The next morning he went out early and bought himself a new phone.

Whatever else he did, he knew he needed to talk to Finn.

He didn’t have his number, but he still had Sean’s card.

It made his stomach pitch, but he was going to call Finn because something had almost happened last night.

He knew it had, and he needed to find out where he stood with Finn Callaghan for once and for all.

Overnight, snow had started falling and it still fell as Joshua made his way back to Ruth’s apartment through icy streets. He flexed his fingers, glad for his gloves—Finn’s gloves—and smiled at the warm glow the thought provoked.

Stomping the snow off his boots in the entryway, he made his way up to Ruth’s apartment. But as he let himself in, he heard voices: Ruth’s and Michael’s. Crap. He was turning on his heel, ready to leave, when Ruth called out, “Joshua, is that you?”

Damn it. Gritting his teeth, he took off his wet boots and headed into the living room where Michael and Isabelle perched on the edge of Ruth’s elegant sofa, coffees in hand. “Hey,” Joshua said.

Michael bared his teeth in a smile. “Joshua.”

After a tense pause, Ruth said, “Michael’s here to invite us to a party Saturday night.” She glanced at his brother. “To celebrate your father’s, ah, homecoming.”

Joshua stared at Michael. “What?”

“Well, of course you wouldn’t keep track,” he said. “Dad’s being released on Friday.”

His heart thumped in his chest, but the only emotion he felt was anger. He didn’t want to see his father again. He certainly wouldn’t go to Michael’s party.

Isabelle crossed her long legs. “We thought it would be nice to have a little gathering to celebrate,” she said. “Nothing extravagant, naturally. Just some close friends and family.”

Joshua had nothing to say to that, couldn’t speak to their utter lack of shame.

Couldn’t believe they expected him, of all people, to go along and welcome home the father who had cast him off years ago.

So he didn’t reply, just moved to the window and stared out at the snow-bound city.

This high up the visibility was poor, all he could see were the swirling snowflakes and heavy gray cloud.

Behind him, Ruth was saying, “I assume you’re hosting it at your apartment, Michael?”

The conversation crawled onward and Joshua let his mind drift out into the city.

He wondered what Finn was doing, where he was right now.

Had he left New York? God, what if he had?

What if he’d assumed Joshua and Quinton were together and just given up?

Or maybe his smiles last night had only been platonic, but if so why would he have left so—?

The buzzer rang, jolting him out of his thoughts. Ruth talked to the doorman over the intercom, one eyebrow rising. “Ah, Sean and Finn Callaghan are here to see you, Joshua.”

“Oh.” Heart thumping high in his throat, he dared not say more, afraid that if he spoke he’d betray himself.

Michael had never known about his relationship with Finn—unless his father had told him.

He risked a glance at his brother, but his face remained bored as he exchanged a weary glance with his wife. Of the four of them, only Ruth knew.

She opened the door and offered a stilted welcome, eying Finn with caution. Joshua didn’t know where to look. He didn’t know why they were there, what they wanted, although he hoped...

God, how he hoped.

Sean walked in first, all smiles and apologies for intruding. “We’re leaving town and just wanted to say goodbye to Josh—you’re a hard guy to track down, dude, without a phone. Hope you don’t mind us just dropping by?”

Finn lurked behind like a recalcitrant teenager and Joshua knew, immediately, that he didn’t want to be there. Tejana was with them, one hand lightly on Finn’s back as if keeping him from bolting. Joshua tried to catch his eye, but Finn kept his gaze averted.

“Sean,” Michael said, standing to greet him. “How are you?”

They must have met before, Joshua supposed, over the sale of the house.

Sean said something in reply, but his words—everyone’s words—blurred in Joshua’s ears.

Isabelle greeted Finn with more enthusiasm than she usually showed; she was a sucker for fame and fortune, and smiled and flirted with Finn even though her husband was standing right there.

And Finn... Finn was performing, smiling an actor’s smile for his audience. The hard shell he put up for his family was painful to witness; it made Joshua want to take a hammer to it, break it open and pull him free.

But then Tejana crossed the room and drew Joshua into a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you,” she said, smiling and warm. Her eyes brimmed with unspoken feeling as she squeezed his arms and studied his face.

All he could manage was “How are you?”

She shrugged and talked lightly about work, her gaze drifting now and then to Sean. For his part, Joshua did his best not to look at Finn. Even so, he was aware of him moving away from the group and coming to hover near Ruth’s piano.

“So,” Tejana said eventually, “what do you make of Liz’s whirlwind romance?”

Joshua flushed, heat rising in his cheeks. Finn was right there . “Well, it’s certainly sudden. I hope—I think it must be confusing for Matt.”

Tejana grimaced. “Yeah, poor kid. But people do crazy things for love.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t approve?”

He gave an uncomfortable shrug. “It’s not that I don’t approve, I just feel you should think about the people around you before you jump into that kind of thing with both feet. You have to think about the consequences.”

“You’re probably right, but that’s not as romantic, is it?”

“Isn’t it? I think it’s romantic when love is about more than seizing the day, when it’s about everything in two people’s lives coming together. That’s not something you rush into on a whim.”

She put a hand on his arm, squeezed. “But sometimes, if you don’t seize the day, you might miss it.”

“Then it’s not love.” That much he knew for sure. “Love doesn’t vanish just because you missed your slot. It’s not conditional on time and place. It...it stays.” He gave a rueful smile. “Whether it’s wanted or not, sometimes.”

From over by the piano there came a soft noise. Finn had dropped something and was bending down to pick it up. Tejana glanced at him, and then looked back at Joshua. “Then I take it back,” she said. “You can’t get much more romantic than undying love.”

“I guess.” He huffed out a laugh. “But I’m hardly an expert. Maybe Liz has it right? At least she’s happy.”

“And you’re not?”

“I’m trying. Endeavoring to be a little more like her, I guess? Carpe diem and all that.”

Tejana hugged him. “Don’t change. I like you just the way you are. Everyone does.”

From the other side of the room, Michael’s voice cut into the gentle moment. “You’re all welcome, of course. It’s just a small gathering—family, friends, and so on. Anytime from eight.”

Joshua cringed as Tejana let go and exchanged a curious glance with Sean.

“Michael’s invited us to a party for his father’s, uh, return,” he said.

Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh.” An awkward beat, then, “Well, we’ll check our schedules and let you know.”

Joshua felt a flash of emotion somewhere between mortification and hilarity. Michael’s party for their crook of a father was the last place on earth any decent person would want to be. Had his brother possessed a single decent bone in his body, he might have understood that.

“Finn?” Sean said. “We should probably get going.”

Perched on the piano stall, head bowed like he was looking at his phone, Finn looked up with a start. “Huh?”

“Are you...?” Sean’s mouth pinched into a tight line. “Did you need to talk to Joshua?”

Finn shook his head. “We’re good.” But he gave Joshua a look as he got up—such a look, it stopped his heart.

“Fine.” Sean sounded exasperated as he extended a hand to Michael. “Well, good to see you.”

Michael made some response that Joshua didn’t hear. His attention was fixed on Finn, who fiddled with the music on the piano before heading over to join Sean. He didn’t look at Joshua again, just put on his coat and made his own goodbyes.

“We’ll see you soon,” Sean called to Joshua, and Tejana blew him a kiss.

And then they were gone and Michael turned to Isabelle with a sigh. “Well, I imagine we made their day—I hope you don’t mind me inviting them?”

Joshua winced at his arrogance and drifted over to the piano to escape the conversation. He’d just sat down when Finn suddenly reappeared. “Sorry,” he said, looking flustered as he barreled into the room. “Forgot my phone.”

Joshua caught Michael’s expression—embarrassed, in case he’d been overheard—and then Finn was at the piano, retrieving his phone from on top of the sheet music.

As he did so, he turned over the top page and on the back Joshua saw writing.

Finn’s writing. He gave Joshua another serious look, and then strode back across the room to the door without a backward glance.

Heart kicking against his ribs, Joshua reached out an unsteady hand to the music. Perhaps Michael and Isabelle had more to say about Finn, but Joshua didn’t hear. Nothing existed in the world but the note in his hand.

Josh, you’re killing me.

You’re right. I wanted to tell you yesterday—I should have told you months ago, years ago—that you’re right. Love doesn’t burn out just because the timing’s wrong. It stays. Even when you don’t want it to, even when you try to deny it, it stays. It grows. It never leaves.

God knows I resented you, Josh. I tried to forget you, I tried to hurt you, but I never stopped loving you. I’ve never loved anyone but you.

Can you forgive me? You deserve so much more than me, but if there’s any part of you that can still love me then I’m begging you to give us a second chance.

Tell me I haven’t screwed it up forever. Tell me it’s not over, Josh. I love you—let me show you how much.

Joshua bolted to his feet. “I have to go.”

Michael and Isabelle stared at him, frozen midway through letting the maid help them on with their coats.

“Whatever’s the matter?” said Ruth.

He couldn’t smile, he couldn’t explain, he couldn’t do anything until he found Finn. Clutching the music in his hand, he ran to the door and shoved his feet into his boots.

“Mr. Newton,” said the maid, “I’ll fetch your coat—”

“Doesn’t matter.” He hauled open the front door and ran to the elevator, jabbing at the button. It took forever to come—probably because Finn was still on the way down—and Michael and Isabelle had joined him by the time the doors opened.

He had no attention for them, didn’t care whether they were looking at him or exchanging disparaging glances. All he could think about was Finn. He read the note again as the elevator dropped, his stomach swooping right along with it.

I love you—let me show you how much.

But there was so much crap between them now, was love enough?

“I hope you’ll be on your best behavior tomorrow night,” Michael murmured as the doors opened, “I don’t want Dad to...”

Joshua didn’t hear the rest; he was already running past the concierge and through the revolving doors into the snow.

It was falling hard, visibility terrible, but good enough that he could see the lights of a cab stopped at the curb and Sean pulling open the door. Tejana and Finn crowded behind him.

“Wait!”

Finn spun around and went still. The world went still.

Snowflakes brushed against Joshua’s face, against his lips, as his gaze locked with Finn’s.

Behind him, Michael cursed the weather, but he was far away in a different world.

Deep down, bone deep, Joshua started trembling.

It had nothing to do with the cold. Finn walked toward him, stopping a foot away and blinking through the snow, hands jammed into his pockets and everything about him drawn tight.

When he swallowed, Joshua saw his throat work.

“Michael!” Sean called. “You want to share a cab?”

People moved around him but all he could see was Finn watching him from beneath his lashes like he could hardly bear to look.

“Do you...?” Joshua clutched the note in his fingers and Finn’s gaze dipped toward it and back. “Do you want to go for a drive?”

Finn let out a helpless choke of laughter. “In this weather?”

“I’ve got new tires.”

Behind Finn, the cab pulled away from the curb, leaving them as alone as they were ever going to be in New York City. “You—you’ve got snowflakes on your eyelashes,” Finn said, and lifted a hand to brush them away.

Joshua smiled, feeling reckless. Feeling wild. “Come on.” He grabbed Finn’s hand, the touch making his chest tight, and led him down to the garage. “I want to go home.”