Page 10 of Persuaded

Sean’s eyes widened. “What? No, you didn’t need to.”

“I know. I wanted to.” He watched as Sean opened the gift bag.

Inside was a framed photo of the house as it had been right after its construction in the back end of the nineteenth century.

“That’s Reiner Bauer, the original owner, out front,” he said.

“He was something of a recluse. Made his fortune in publishing and built this place when he retired.”

“That’s...” Sean grinned at him. “That’s so awesome. I love stuff like this. Tejana does too.”

Joshua smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Now come and have a drink, and let me introduce you to my wife.”

Tejana was as sweet and open as Sean, and she looked genuinely delighted with Joshua’s gift.

Thank goodness. He didn’t want anyone to think there were hard feelings, even if the nature of the house’s sale had been embarrassing—for his father, mostly, but Joshua knew that the whole family had been tainted.

For most of the party he managed to avoid Finn and tried not to watch too intently as he flirted with the young women flocking around him. Ali and Lexa were in there, front and center. So was Kylee Adams, and even Liz Howard.

Liz, he thought, had the best chance. Closer to Finn’s age, she was serious in a way Joshua knew he appreciated deep down. He watched them talking, saw Liz showing Finn pictures of Matt, and tried to quash the hollow yearning in his chest.

Toward the end of the evening he found himself sitting with Dee and Kylee Adams, around one of the patio heaters.

The air was chilled, but the heater made the night bearable—the couple of beers he’d downed helped too.

Sean and Tejana were sharing the love seat opposite and when Finn returned from walking Liz to her car Sean waved him over.

“Dude, come and sit. I got a beer with your name on it.”

“Sure—” Finn stopped when he noticed Joshua, clocking the fact that the only spare seat was next to him.

Joshua stilled, torn between getting up to leave and refusing to pander to Finn’s sulk. After eight years they should at least be able to act like adults.

“Great,” Finn said and without looking at Joshua he took the beer from Sean and the only spare seat. “We having fun?” he asked everyone.

Kylee launched herself at him right away and Finn looked pretty happy about that, turning his back on Joshua.

They hadn’t been this physically close since Finn came to town and Joshua could feel it, his whole body yearned toward Finn’s.

He breathed lightly; he didn’t want to catch the scent of Finn’s shampoo or cologne or anything that might make him remember.

Kylee came on pretty strong, but Finn took it in his stride.

He was charming and warm and, although he was sitting only inches away, Joshua felt like they’d never been more distant.

Everyone else in New Milton was getting to know Finn Callaghan; Joshua was the only one who couldn’t. They would always be strangers now.

Something huge and empty swelled in his chest and he had to suppress a scream of frustration. He downed the rest of the beer instead, but it did nothing to ease his distress.

He made himself wait an agonizing few minutes, long enough that it didn’t look like he was running away. When Finn and Kylee were deep in a heated discussion of the relative merits of various Star Wars movies, Joshua got to his feet.

“I’m gonna get going,” he said, setting down his empty beer. “Early start tomorrow.” Not strictly true, but an easy excuse and Joshua felt tender enough to warrant a little white lie. Besides, he’d probably go out for an early run.

“Hey, man.” Sean got to his feet and drew Joshua into another hug. “Thanks for coming.”

“I’m glad I did. It’s good to see the place like this—so full of happiness.”

Sean smiled, broad and genuine. “Dude,” he said, tipsy and emotional. “That’s—Yeah. Thank you .”

Joshua felt churned up too, a little choked—the beers weren’t helping.

Tejana came to their rescue. “You’re a sweetheart, Joshua,” she said, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. “And if you ever want to come up here, hang out... You know, feel free. It’s a lot of house for two people.”

“Yeah,” Sean said earnestly. “Yes. Anytime. We mean it.”

“Thank you.” Joshua didn’t bother telling them that this was only the second time he’d set foot in the house since his father cut him off a year after Finn left; that was too much to explain. “I’ll see you soon, Sean. Tejana.”

“Night, Newt!” Kylee called, raising her drink in salute.

“Kylee,” he said. “Dee.” And he couldn’t just ignore Finn, even if they hadn’t spoken a single word all night. He risked a quick glance and muttered “Finn” as he started walking away.

After a couple steps he heard “Josh” in Finn’s gruff voice and the shock sent him stumbling into one of the myriad chairs dotting the patio. Embarrassed, he disentangled himself and hoped his klutziness explained the heat in his cheeks.

Glancing around, he saw Finn talking to Sean, too quiet for Joshua to make out, and then Sean called, “Hey! You good to drive?”

“Yes. I, um...”

Finn stood next to his brother, his back turned as he gazed at something on the dark horizon.

Sean said, “You want me to call a cab, man?”

“No, thank you, I’m fine. I was going to walk. If it’s okay, I’ll pick up my car in the morning?”

“Sure, no problem.”

And with another nod, Joshua was out of there. His head spun, and not just from the beer. Finn had spoken to him, he’d said his name. And if Joshua wasn’t mistaken, he’d asked Sean to check that he wasn’t driving home.

When he reached the front of the house he stopped and leaned back against the wall.

His heart beat loud against his ribs and he felt something knot in his throat.

He got it now. Finn was still angry, he hadn’t forgiven him, but something must linger—some residue of what they once were—because he cared enough to want to make sure he was okay.

Joshua sniffed, wiped at his stupid eyes, and cleared his throat. His heart yawned wide but he told himself it was okay. It was okay because Finn was still the good man he’d always been—Joshua’s mistake hadn’t taken that from him.

And that was enough. It had to be, because it was the only comfort he could find.

* * *

Goddamn sonofabitch.

It was too dark to go far along the cliff-top path, but Finn walked a little way from the house before he stopped and glared out over the black ocean.

The night had grown cold, a nor’easter blowing down the coast and chasing clouds across a waning moon.

He didn’t know what the hell he was doing there, but he’d just had to get out of the house.

That fucking house . Tonight had been too much, worse than he’d feared, with Josh and that goddamn leather jacket and his fucked-up beautiful hair. And those eyes that just—

“Sonofa bitch .” He hurled the curse into the face of the wind, felt it rip raw from his throat. “Sonofabitch, Josh.”

I will not want you again. You hear me? I will not want you, you asshole!

Eight years he’d spent locking down the memories of that summer. Eight long fucking years when he’d built a life, a career, had gotten everything he wanted—

Almost everything.

“Fuck it.” The words choked out on the back end of a sob, all knotted up in his chest. The booze was to blame, probably—he should’ve known better than to drink tonight. But he hadn’t expected this. He’d thought he was over Joshua Newton. He’d thought he was past all this crap. So past it.

But then he’d seen Josh standing uncertainly in the shadows of the house, the slender lines of him that Finn had tried to forget, the intent focus and distracted confusion that had drawn him in all those years ago.

And suddenly no time had passed since they were up on the cliffs that sultry summer’s night, alone together with the house standing dark behind them.

Here, Josh had said with a wicked curl of his lips. Right here, under the stars.

The daring of it had left Finn breathless—and hard as a rock as Josh tugged his T-shirt over his head and drew Finn down into the cool grass. Above them, the house had loomed black against the night sky. What about your dad...?

But Josh had only smiled. Screw him. I don’t care. Just fuck me, Finn. Right now.

And so he had, with the waves booming at the base of the cliff and Josh’s head thrown back, his skin glistening pale and sweaty in the moonlight, the beautiful arc of his back flexing with every thrust until he came with a wild cry.

Oh, God , Finn. I love you.

With a shout of his own, Finn had followed, collapsing into the long grass with Josh in his arms. They’d lain there together for a long time, wrapped up in each other and kissing with such reverence Finn had felt tears prick his eyes.

Fuck.

He hadn’t thought about that night in years, not outside the dreams he couldn’t control. But even eight years on, the memory was powerful enough to leave him taut with want and frustration.

“Sonofabitch.” He drained his beer and cast the bottle out over the cliff top, into the choppy waters below. “Son of a goddamn fucking bitch .”