Page 21 of Persuaded

Christmas day dawned picture-postcard pretty, with a fresh fall of snow and misty skies in pastel shades of pink and blue.

Joshua took the drive slow—Finn was right about his tires—and pulled up in Sean’s driveway without incident. Frankly, he was impressed the car had started at all, but Don had promised him the new battery he’d installed would do the trick. So far so good.

He wasn’t sure what the dress code would be, so he’d opted for a smart shirt and then thrown a heavy sweater over the top. A little scruffy, but he liked it; it made him feel comfortable. God knew comfort was going to be in short supply for the next few hours.

He hadn’t seen Finn since the carol singing, three nights ago. Time had done its usual trick of stretching and twisting his memories, so now he couldn’t be sure if he’d imagined that needy rasp in Finn’s voice, or the startled look on his face as he’d backed away.

Even in the frosty morning, the memory made him hot all over. He wouldn’t allow himself to hope, but he couldn’t quash the feeling that something had almost happened.

So he approached the door to Sean’s house, bedecked by a generous wreath of real holly, with anxious anticipation. His fingers tingled as he pressed the doorbell. It played “Deck the Halls!” and Joshua grimaced. That was probably Finn’s idea.

“Joshua!” Sean grinned like the Ghost of Christmas Present when he flung open the door. “You came. Awesome!”

He smiled at Sean’s exuberance. “Of course, thank you for inviting me.”

Sean laughed and grabbed his shoulders, hauling him inside. “Hey, Joshua is here!” He called it out like the whole house had been waiting for the news. Joshua wondered how much he’d had to drink already. It was barely noon.

Tejana hugged him in the hallway, took his coat, and ushered him into the living room.

It was unrecognizable from the austere space of his childhood, dominated by a huge Christmas tree that stood in front of the French doors that led out onto the lawn in summer.

A couple of sofas and love seats were dotted around, a real fire crackled in the fireplace his father had never used, and boughs of holly lay across the mantelpiece.

Liz and Matt were already there, Matt plugged into his phone with headphones on while Liz talked to Don and his wife, Jude.

Poor Matt—couldn’t be much fun spending Christmas with your mom’s new boyfriend.

Joshua could hear Dee and her girls in the kitchen, and beneath their laughter rumbled Finn’s unmistakable voice.

“Hey, everyone,” Joshua said. “Merry Christmas.”

He shook hands with Don and kissed Jude on the cheek. Liz smiled and hugged him, then touched her son’s shoulder. “Matt—say hello.”

Matt glanced up and Joshua gave him a wink. “That a new phone?”

“For my sins.” Liz rolled her eyes and gave Matt’s hair an affectionate ruffle. “If he spent as much time practicing the piano as he does on Instagram...”

“He’d probably have no friends,” Joshua said. “Kids should be kids, right? Especially at Christmas.”

Whatever answer Liz might have given was forgotten as Finn appeared in the doorway, holding two steaming glasses of something potent. “My special hot Christmas punch,” he declared, crossing the room to Liz and handing her a glass. “Go slow. It’s strong.”

She smiled brightly as she curled a lock of hair behind her ear. “You know me,” she said. “I tweak the nose of caution.” She knocked back a long gulp. “Whoa, that is strong!”

Finn’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Uh, yeah. Easy there.” His attention flickered to Joshua and away. “Hey, Josh.”

“Merry Christmas,” Joshua said, for want of anything better. “The house looks great.”

“Beautiful,” Liz echoed. “So beautiful.”

“Yeah, my kid brother’s a regular Martha Stewart—minus the fraud conviction.” He darted a rueful look at Joshua. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s okay.” Into the awkward pause, he added, “My Martha Stewart crush is long over.”

For a beat they both looked at him, and then Liz laughed and even Finn cracked a smile.

“Right,” he said, “your sweet tooth—” He checked himself awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

“My sweet tooth is legendary,” Joshua said, covering the slip. “Why do you think I work at Dee’s?”

Finn smiled again, aiming it toward the floor, and this time the tension between them felt different. Joshua didn’t dare name it, but something fluttered inside him and he wondered whether Finn had noticed.

“So, uh, Newt,” Liz said, slipping a possessive arm through Finn’s. “You need to put your Secret Santa gift under the tree.”

Grateful for the distraction, he recruited Matt to show him what was what and escaped from Finn and Liz. A number of gifts were already there and he slipped Don’s present—a miniature bottle of his favorite whiskey—in along with the rest. “We’re opening them later,” Matt explained. “After dinner.”

“Dinner? I thought this was an open house.”

Matt shrugged. And, really, how would he know?

Sean appeared then with a beer. “For God’s sake, stay away from Finn’s punch,” he stage-whispered. “It’s lethal.”

“It’s good!” Liz protested, raising her glass.

And then Dee and the girls piled out of the kitchen, all bright and full of laughter, and swept Joshua up into another round of hugs and a chorus of “Merry Christmas, Newt!”

Two things struck him. First, how right it was that this house was full of people and laughter at Christmas—it was so much better than the sober grandeur of his youth.

And, second, how out of place he felt among them all.

Not that he didn’t feel welcome, because he did, it was more that he could see it all around him—the warmth and the joy—but he couldn’t feel it.

These people liked him, but they didn’t know him.

How could they when the biggest part of him had been hidden away for eight years?

Joshua still mourned what he’d lost in Finn, and nobody knew it but him. Not even Finn.

Crazily, he wondered what would happen if he just said it out loud: Finn Callaghan is the love of my life.

Would he feel more like he was part of the world if people knew?

Or would he just feel their pity? Finn Callaghan might be the love of his life, but Finn had clearly moved on in ways Joshua couldn’t contemplate.

Not yet, at least. But perhaps that kind of confession was what it would take to break down the glass wall between Joshua and the world.

He mulled the thought over as he watched Finn and Liz. Finn stuck to her like glue, helping her to the food laid out on the big kitchen table, and sat with her while they ate.

No stuffy sit-down dinner here, but a smorgasbord of festive treats—catered, this time, but delicious nonetheless.

Joshua filled a plate and sat next to Matt on a footstool near the Christmas tree.

Matt showed him some cat videos on his phone—quite the phenomenon, apparently—and seemed glad of the company among all the adults, even if it was just his piano teacher.

Joshua was happy to help; it kept him from too many awkward exchanges with Finn or Liz.

It didn’t stop him from watching them, however.

Liz sat on one of the sofas and Finn perched on the arm next to her as he ate a slice of pecan pie.

She touched his leg from time to time, a gentle hand on his knee.

Finn didn’t seem to notice and Joshua tried to remember, without rose-tinted glasses, how he and Finn had been when they were together.

Of course they’d been kids, a few years out of adolescence and with all the hormonal drives that you’d expect.

But once they’d started, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other.

Every touch, even the innocent ones, had felt electric.

And he thought about the feel of Finn’s hand on his arm the night he’d given Joshua a ride home from Liz’s. That touch had charged through him too, just as he remembered.

He wondered, if he touched Finn again, whether he’d respond like he used to.

If he ran his fingers along the inside of Finn’s knee, would he hiss in a breath and curse as he smiled?

Would a hand on his hip have his eyes sparkling, soft and intimate?

If his teeth grazed his collarbone, would Finn be rock hard and growling? If—

Finn looked up, right into his eyes. Joshua almost choked on his turkey.

Could he guess from his expression what he’d been thinking?

He jerked his gaze back to his plate but from the corner of his eye he saw Finn shift where he sat, and when Joshua risked another glance Finn was talking to Liz with his head turned away.

“Another beer, Joshua?” Tejana smiled and pressed a bottle into his hand. “Everyone’s cups have to be charged for the toast.”

Once everyone was settled, squeezed onto sofas and chairs, or cross-legged on the floor, Sean stood up and raised his glass.

“I’ll keep it short,” he promised. “Just wanted to thank you all. First, for coming along today and helping us celebrate our first Christmas in our new home, but also for welcoming us into New Milton so fully. I’m sure”—he gestured to Finn—“it has nothing to do with my doofus actor brother.”

Joshua laughed at that. He liked Sean’s self-effacing honesty. It wasn’t entirely true, but Sean’s welcome had certainly been made easier by Finn’s celebrity dazzle.

“Hey,” Don said, “we like you despite him, son.” And Finn lifted his glass in salute, smiling.

“So, Merry Christmas!” Sean said. “And a very happy New Year to you all!”

Joshua dutifully lifted his bottle of beer and nudged Matt to do the same with his Coke when he saw Liz looking.

Happy New Year?