CHAPTER 3

NATE

My mouth goes dry the second I see my father. Even after ten years of torment, I still can’t look at him and feel anything but hatred.

Old feelings come rushing to the surface as he pats my back. So, I shove them into the darkest part of my mind. It’s the only way to get through this lunch without losing my shit.

“There’s my boy,” Dad says with a thick Texan drawl and a fake smile to hide his true thoughts. “Did you miss me, kid?”

Kid? Has he looked at me?

I haven’t been a kid in years.

Of course, I didn’t miss him.

My dad leans into my arm, lips close to my ear, his accent thicker when angry. “One more screw-up like this, and you’ll be back home working on the ranch, shoveling horse shit until the day you die.”

I grew up on a massive ranch outside of Dallas. However, I lost my Southern accent within a few years of living at a boarding school in Massachusetts. Well, most of it, anyway.

When I say certain words like insurance or cement, River makes fun of me. Occasionally, I drop y’all or fixin’ into the mix, and he laughs because I haven’t been that person in years. I have done my best to remove myself from my Southern roots and create something new—someone untouched by my horrific past.

“I’m not going home,” I fire back at him. “I don’t care what you hold over my head.”

Home is not where the heart is. For me, home is where the horrors are—the place where I lost my innocence and sanity. I would rather die than go back there.

Dad pulls me into a one-arm hug and lowers his voice to a deep rumble. “Nathaniel, once again, you have dug yourself a grave and piled shit on top of shit. If you don’t get your act together, I will bury you in it.”

I cringe at my full name.

It reminds me of the She-Devil who ruined my life . Just thinking about the sorry excuse for a woman causes my stomach to knot like a pretzel. My skin suddenly feels too hot and itchy. I rub my hands down my arms and step away from my father.

“Don’t call me that. You know I prefer Nate.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Nathaniel is the name I gave you. It belonged to your grandfather.”

“I don’t care. Call me Nate or nothing at all.”

His jaw tightens as his eyes wander around the dining room. “This is not the time nor the place. Consider yourself lucky we’re not at home. After what you did with that girl…”

“Got it, sir .” I roll my eyes. “I’ve been a bad, bad boy. You gonna spank me?”

My dad grabs my collar, and I don’t do anything to stop him. This is how we hash shit out. A slew of mean words, a bottle of bourbon, and a few punches. That was how we settled things the last time I screwed up. But the old man is worn down with my antics. If I weren’t his only son, he would have disowned me years ago.

Dad clutches my collar, ready to rip me a new one, but Ryan Rousseau interrupts our staring contest.

“Spencer, we should order before it gets too late. I have a meeting with my agent this afternoon.”

Thank you, Ryan, for saving the day.

I glance at River and shake my head. There’s no point in beating a dead horse. My dad never hears me. He didn’t listen when I told him about her … and what she was doing to me. Not until he saw it for himself. Even then, he couldn’t handle the truth.

Just being near him dredges up bad memories. Sending me to boarding school after the worst year of my life was the kindest mercy he’d ever shown me.

For the past ten years, I have been free from my family—boarding school in Massachusetts, then college in Connecticut.

But college is almost over.

The closer I get to graduation, the more I act out. I can’t seem to sit still or pay attention in classes. Graduating means going to law school and starting over. It also means River will sign with an NHL team and leave me behind.

And it kills me.

I need River and would do anything to keep him, even if it means giving in to some of his desires. River doesn’t think I notice how he looks at me. But I do. He can’t peel his eyes off my naked body when we fuck girls.

After we sit, my dad says, “I took care of the girl and withdrew two million dollars from your trust.”

I don’t fight him. I sit here and grit my teeth. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he says in a menacing tone. “If you continue down this path, I will cut you off completely. Your grandfather would roll over in his grave if he knew how much of his money you have squandered on whores.”

My grandfather was a religious man. A devout Christian. He would most definitely lose his shit about my dad using his hard-earned money to squash potential scandals. But he was also a pragmatist who wouldn’t want the family name destroyed over my dirty deeds.

“It won’t happen again,” I promise, even though it sounds like a lie.

It’s only a matter of time before I screw up and drag River down with me.

“You’ve already been accepted to Kingston Law,” my dad tells me.

“What?” I gape at him. “But I haven’t applied for early admission yet.”

“No need.” He waves a cloth napkin and places it on his lap. “I already dealt with the dean.”

I should be grateful. Most people would hug the shit out of him for going above and beyond to secure their future. But I feel cheated.

“I could have gotten into the school on my own… without your help.”

“Men of our power can’t afford to leave anything to chance, Nathaniel.”

There’s that name again.

How many people can say they hate the sound of their name when it rolls off another’s tongue? Whenever he calls me Nathaniel, it feels like a thousand tiny spiders are crawling up my arms. And for a split second, I think about the worst time of my life, memories of horrible nights I wish never happened.

I shake off the memory and force a smile that doesn’t touch my eyes. “Thank you, sir,” I say, since arguing is not an option. “Looking forward to attending Kingston Law next fall.”

“Yes, well, I can’t have you embarrassing me. Keep your grades up this year. No more funny business.” His eyes sweep over me and then to River. “No more sharing women. Neither of you can afford to have something like that leaked to the press.”

“No, they can’t,” Ryan chimes, running his fingers through his dark brown hair. “And River will not humiliate himself or me with any more sex tapes.” He turns his gaze to River. “Isn’t that right, son?”

River bobs his head as he chews an onion roll but looks at me. We made a deal in the car. No more group sex. Only one woman at a time. If we stick to the plan, we won’t have to explain ourselves again.

We can make this work.

You’re probably wondering why we don’t have sex alone. But to help you understand where this all began, I would have to take you down memory lane… and I hate going there. I would rather drink bleach than think about all the shit that led to this point in my life.

Maybe one day, I’ll have the balls to spill my guts. But until then, you’ll have to trust me. Not knowing is better for everyone. In this case, the truth will not set me free.