Page 26

CHAPTER 26

RIVER

After Nate used my body this morning, I felt an intense amount of shame and disgust. Mostly because I used him, too. Our relationship is turning into something ugly and unfamiliar.

I took a shower and left for practice without him. Nate didn’t even bother texting or calling. He knew he fucked up, stumbling onto the ice with a lazy grin and sad I’m sorry .

I need advice from someone who understands my predicament. So, I find myself standing outside Professor West’s office, staring at the calendar on the wall, worrying this is a terrible idea. He has office hours for another hour. No one has penciled their name in the last slot of the day. So, I add mine and knock on his door.

Once.

Twice.

The door flings open.

All smiles, Professor West seems happy until his eyes land on me. His expression transforms into something darker, conflicted.

He’s dressed in black slacks that hug his perfect thighs. A white dress shirt with a dark blue tie beneath a black cardigan. His black hair is styled off his forehead, spiked with gel.

He looks good. Too fucking sexy to be a professor.

“River, what are you doing here? I thought I made myself clear.”

“I need to talk.” Clutching the strap of my backpack, I step toward him. “Can I come in?”

He hesitates, gripping the partially open door. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Please.”

He scans the hallway and opens the door wider. “Get in here before someone sees you.”

“I haven’t told anyone,” I say as he leads me to the two chairs in front of his desk.

“I figured as much.”

The room is sparse, save for diplomas on the wall and a pinboard behind his desk covered with papers. My eyes sweep over his undergrad and J.D. degrees from Kingston University. He must be a hometown boy.

“My friend got accepted to Kingston Law,” I tell him, eyes moving from the law degree to his face. “Would you recommend it?”

He nods. “Yes, but that’s not why you’re here. So, why don’t you tell me what I can do for you.”

“Um.” I bite my lip and sit when he moves behind his desk. “I was hoping you could help me with something. It’s kind of personal.”

“River,” he says in an authoritative tone. “You’re my student.”

Dropping my backpack to the floor, I hold his steely gaze. “I need a friend, not a professor.”

Professor West leans back in the leather chair and sighs. “That’s highly inappropriate, given our previous encounter.”

“Don’t talk to me like a child,” I say, annoyed by his attitude. “I came here because I wanted to talk to another gay man. And because…”

“What is it?”

“Nate,” I mutter, anxiety clawing at my throat. “My best friend.”

“Okay,” he says, confused. “I don’t understand how I can help you with Nate. He’s also my student.”

“Nate is a sex addict.”

There, I said it.

The weight rolls off my shoulders. Even if only for a moment, it feels good to tell someone.

“And I enable him.”

He continues staring, nibbling on his bottom lip, unsure how to answer.

What is there to say?

What did I expect?

I needed to unburn myself, and now that I have, I can breathe easier.

“We’ve been having threesomes and orgies for almost eight years.” When his eyes widen, I continue spilling my darkest secrets. “But he’s getting worse… and I think he might like me back. I don’t know. Maybe not. He’s an addict. Sex is only sex to him. Every time something happens between us, he says he’s not gay. Like he’s trying to remind me what I feel isn’t real.”

“Wow,” Professor West mouths, arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah.” Shoving my fingers through my hair, I blow out a deep breath. “I’m fucked, right?”

“I don’t know.” He leans forward, the chair creaking beneath his weight, and folds his hands on the desk. “It’s hard to say without knowing anything about you or Nate. If he’s a sex addict?—”

“He is. We’re seeing a therapist.”

“That’s pretty serious, River. I don’t see how I can help you with this. It’s not my area of expertise.”

“I can’t talk to anyone else. Not even Nate.” I pause for a beat to catch my breath. “Especially not him. Normally, I would tell him everything. But he’s not in his right mind. His addiction is worsening because of me. I created a monster.”

“There’s more to this story,” he says, picking up my shit mood. “What are you not telling me?”

“This morning, we did something stupid. Nate accidentally touched my dick. At least, I think it was an accident. I was already hard.” I shrug. “Morning wood. But something snapped when he touched me. He was getting ready to leave my room and watch porn… So, I stopped him by jumping on top of him.”

My hot professor cocks an eyebrow at me. “And? Did you fuck him?”

He seems more interested than judgmental, which is a welcome relief. I was afraid telling anyone other than Dr. Swanson would be too embarrassing. But I also figured, given his side hustles as a camboy and stripper, that he would understand.

“No, we didn’t have sex,” I tell him. “Nate gripped my hips and rubbed our dicks together. I told him to stop…” I lick my lips at the smoking hot memory. “He gave me an out. But I couldn’t move. I wanted to know what it would feel like to fuck him… or the closest thing to it.”

“You both got off?”

I bob my head. “Have you ever done anything like that with a straight friend?”

“Fuck, no.” He scrubs a hand across his jaw. “I only dreamed about it.”

“Do you think Nate is bisexual?”

“Has he ever hooked up with a man?”

“No.”

“Have you ever noticed him looking at men?”

“Nope.”

“Honestly, River. I don’t know. Addicts don’t think the way we do. They only care about getting their next high. The longer an addict uses, it alters their brain chemistry.”

Professor West tugs at his tie, and my mind wanders back to him on top of me at Glitter, half-naked and wearing a sexy football player uniform.

“Think about it this way. If Nate were a drug addict desperate for a hit, would he suck your dick?”

Without question, I nod. “So, it’s what I thought. Nate isn’t gay. Just lost in his addiction.”

Professor West rolls his broad shoulders. “I work with a guy who only likes one man. He’s never felt attraction toward another man and has been in a relationship with his partner for five years. If they were to break up, he said he would go back to fucking women.”

“Huh.” I stare into his pretty blue eyes, needing his words to be true. “In other words, there’s hope for Nate and me?”

He pushes his palms to the desk and rises from the chair. “Possibly. But in my experience, it rarely works out with straight men who want to experiment. I’d be careful.”

I sling the backpack over my shoulder and stand. “Thanks, Professor.”

He walks me to the door. “Do you feel any better?”

I nod. “Can I come back if I have other questions? I promise not to make things weird. I know what I did at the club… and felt sick after leaving. I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

He pats me on the back. “It’s all good. You can talk to me if you need to. Just make an appointment.”

After I leave his office, a massive weight lifts off my shoulders. I already feel a hundred pounds lighter. But I can’t stop thinking about what he said.

It rarely works out with straight men who want to experiment .

Nate will destroy me if I let him. Except I’m in too deep to stop this moving train.