Page 95 of Only With Me

Waylon: You’re comparing a piercing, someone got on purpose, to scars on your body during an assault…so not the same thing. A piercing affects a woman during sex, so it would make sense you’d wanna know. But your scars have no effect on a man. They don’t need to know unless you want them to but it shouldn’t deter a guy wanting to be with you if he’s a decent person.

I hate that in reassuring her I’m also giving her pointers on finding a worthy man to lose her virginity to because in my eyes no one is deserving.

Harlow: But it could be considered unattractive, right?

I bite my cheek because she’s right—some superficial men would have issues with it—but I don’t want her to feel insecureabout any inch of herself. Harlow’s perfect and beautiful, and I love how she’s not jaded about relationships—yet.

Waylon: Yes, just like anything else about a person. Everyone has preferences. What I find attractive, someone else might not, and vice versa.

Harlow: What’s your opinion about them?

Jesus Christ, she’s making it harder to act unaffected.

Waylon: It doesn’t bother me. I’d probably make an effort to kiss them and reassure her how much they don’t bother me.

Harlow: That would make me melt like butter.

I chuckle.

Waylon: That’s the point. We all have imperfections, no use trying to hide what makes you special and unique.

Harlow: I don’t think I’m ready to tell just anyone what happened to me. I was talking to this one guy, as a friend, before I signed up for this app, and even after a month of texting, I never told him. Kinda glad I didn’t because the day we were supposed to finally meet in person, the day you and I ran into each other at The Grindhouse, he stood me up. He texted later apologizing because he had a work thing come up, but then said he didn’t think rescheduling was a good idea.I haven’t talked to him since. I keep wondering what I did to make him ghost me.

And there it is.

Fuck.

I unintentionally made her insecure and now I need to do whatever I can to fix it.

Waylon: It’s perfectly normal to want to protect yourself. Sharing that part of your life, the worst moment you’ve ever experienced, isn’t exactly a first date conversation. And even if you have sex before you share what happened to you, a guy should always respect your body and your boundaries.

God, I sound like an old youth minister.

No wonder she has no interest in me when I give her “the talk” like a father would.

Harlow: I don’t know that I’d be able to tell anyone exactly what happened without it giving me an anxiety attack. I had nightmares for years.

Waylon: Do you still?

Harlow: I hadn’t for a long time until a month ago.

Waylon: Just out of the blue?

Harlow: Yes, well…kinda. He’s up for probation soon and I’m anxious he’ll get it.

Holy fuck, already?

He deserved way more time than he got.

Waylon: When do you find out if he’ll be released?

Harlow: I check his case every week, but I think our lawyer would inform us on the exact date if he does.

Waylon: I hope you plan to get a protective order from him right away.

Harlow: That’s always been the plan. But the scary thing is, I don’t know who the other two accomplices were. They all wore masks. Three teenage boys broke in and when I came out with a bat, two of them ran off and were never caught. The other, well, he’s the one behind bars.

I’m furious just thinking about what this punk did to her and even more now that I know he could be back on the streets soon.