Page 80 of Only With Me

My heart jumps into my throat because I’ve been there too many times to count.

Waylon: Damn, that’s traumatic. I’m sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, I understand those fears all too well. Never gets easier either.

Harlow: Nope, not in all the years since his accident but it got worse after I recovered. It was like as soon as I was back to “normal” he had nothing to live for anymore.

Waylon: You gave meaning to his life during a time he felt like he had none. Now he needs to find a new meaning.

Harlow: Sadly, I don’t know that there is one besides his family, but he thinks he’s a burden and that our lives would be easier without him. I always tell him he’s wrong, but his mind is set on it.

Waylon: He said that?

Damn, I can’t imagine that’s easy to hear from your own father.

Harlow: A few times, usually during his darker moments when the pain has been nonstop for days and his meds aren’t strong enough to help. Those are when my mom takes him to the ER for a morphine drip. It’s stronger than pills but even if it’s short-term relief, it’s something to keep him off the ledge.

Waylon: Fuck, that’s a tough one. No one deserves to live that way. It’s understandable he struggles mentally when you’re constantly at war with your own body.

Harlow: I know. I’m torn between begging him to fight to live and giving him my blessing to surrender. I can’t imagine losing him, but it feels selfish to want him here when I know he’s suffering.

Waylon: Life can be so unfair sometimes. I think the best you can do is be there for him and love him as much as you can and it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re not responsible for how he chooses to deal with the pain, but you can make sure he’s not alone with it.

Harlow: You’re right. It’s why I’ve been trying to keep him distracted from the pain as much as I can with activities. I even busted out my old paint set and we painted portraits of each other. They were both horrible and we laughed. But then it was ruined a couple minutes later when his pain got so intense it brought him to tears.

My heart aches for her. It’s such a tough position to be in, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Watching someone you love suffer and being helpless to stop or fix it is the worst.

Waylon: Not to sound pushy on the topic, but does he see a psychiatrist for his mental health issues or a pain therapist?

Harlow: He saw both the first three years but then got sick of going with no results—his words, not mine. Mom tried to talk him into going back but she got sick of fighting with him and let it go.

Waylon: I know how that goes. Been trying to get Wilder to go to therapy for years so he can get the right medication for his depression, but he refuses. I’ve even offered to go with him, but he’s so stuck on the stigma that he’s too blinded to see how the benefits could outweigh it.

Harlow: So we both have insufferable stubborn men in our lives…

Waylon: Seems that way.

Grabbing my beer, I down the rest of it but then nearly choke when I read her next message.

Harlow: A guy just messaged me and asked if my kitty cat was purring…I feel so dumb because I don’t even know what that means?? I know kitty means pussy but what does purring mean?

Nothing in the world could’ve prepared me for that question.

Or her so easily texting the wordpussy.

Waylon: It means he’s a creep and you should block him.

Harlow: Oh come on…tell me. No way I can Google it or ask him myself without looking stupid.

Waylon: You really wanna know?

Harlow: I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.

I sigh, blowing out a frustrated breath. At this point, she probably thinks of me like an older brother more than anything. No way she’d talk to me about guys she’s chatting with if she saw me another way.

So fuck it. Might as well tell her.

Waylon: He’s asking if you’re turned on. Ya know…purring like a cat in heat.

Harlow: Oh God.