Page 137 of Mountain Daddy (Mountain Men #2)

Luther

Buttoning my shirt, I still can’t believe how late I slept.

I figured I’d be tired from sneaking around so late at night, but I didn’t think I’d stay asleep past eight.

When I step out into the hall, I can hear the soft cadence of Kendra’s voice.

It’s coming from her office, through the partially closed door, and I want to peek inside just to see her. But I don’t know if she’s on the phone or a video call, so I keep walking to the kitchen.

She hasn’t made coffee yet, so I figure she couldn’t have gotten up too long ago.

Standing in front of the coffee maker, I spot the beans I bought for Kendra on the counter.

I’ve thought about our date at the coffee shop over and over. Thought about how good she made me feel.

Replayed the look in her eyes when Joe showed up.

It’s a day that haunts me. But knowing she’s been using the coffee I got her… that she didn’t throw it away… It settles something inside me.

And holding on to that bit of calm, I brew us a pot.

The back door slides open, and I turn my head to watch Kendra walk onto the deck, mug of coffee in hand.

“Morning.” It’s the first time I’ve used my voice today, and it comes out a little rough.

“Morning.” Kendra shuts the door and moves to the chair beside mine.

She’s in a pair of soft-looking shorts and a sweatshirt. The morning air is still cool enough to justify the layers.

“Thanks for making coffee.” She takes a sip, then rests her head against the back of the chair.

I set my mug on the armrest. “I didn’t mean to sleep in so late.

I should’ve made it before your meeting.

” Kendra turns her head so she’s looking at me.

I hold her gaze, knowing I need to give her nothing but the truth from now until forever.

“I haven’t been sleeping well. I haven’t been doing well. ”

“Me either.” Her whisper breaks my heart.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper back.

Kendra holds up a hand, stopping me from saying more. “Before… Luther…”

I sit forward, hating the pain in her voice.

I want to go to her. I want to close the few feet of space between us. But I don’t want to push her.

She swallows and turns in her chair, bringing one foot up onto the seat so she can face me. “Before we… go further. I need you to know that I’m okay. That the cancer stuff is in the past. I’ve made peace with it.”

The cancer stuff.

I press my hand over my heart. It hurts every time.

She watches the movement. “If you’re here because you feel bad for me… Then you need to stop. I don’t want your affection because of pity.”

Pity?

She thinks I’m here because of something as small as pity?

I choke on the idea.

Then I get out of my chair, stopping before her in one step.

I drop to my knees.

Kendra twists forward, and I grip her hips.

“I need you to hear me.” Like this, we’re eye level.

And I make sure her eyes are on mine. “I feel sorry that you had to go through that. I feel anger that you had to go through that. I feel horrible, all-consuming fear knowing that you had to go through that. And I feel sick thinking about you doing it alone.” I fight to keep my voice steady.

“But I don’t pity you, Baby Doll. And affection is just one of the things I’ll give you if you let me.

I’ll give you everything I have. If you need a treatment.

If you need money for a specialist. If you need to go to the doctor…

I’ll go with you. But I’ll do it because I don’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else.

This has nothing to do with pity, Baby. Not at all. ”

Her eyes shimmer. But she dips her chin, nodding once. “Okay.”

“Okay.” I watch her watching me. “I was wrong. Everything I said to you… I was wrong about all of it. And I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you.”

She nods again. “You should’ve. I would’ve told you.”

“I know.” Shame fills me. Because I do know that. If only I’d asked. She would’ve told me anything.

“But it doesn’t change anything about my dad.” Kendra leaves her mug on the armrest and twines her fingers together in her lap.

I shuffle closer on my knees until hers are pressed against my chest. “It changes everything. Joe was an excuse I used to make letting you go hurt less.” I shake my head. “But it didn’t work.”

Her brows furrow. “You’re not worried about him finding out about…”

She doesn’t finish the sentence. Because the description of what’s between us is too complicated.

I shake my head. “I’m not worried about him. We’ll wait to tell him. Until we have this sorted. Until…” Until you love me back.

“I don’t understand.” Her eyes plead with me to explain. “You said you weren’t right for me. And now that you know…” She lifts that damn shoulder. “Now that you know I can’t have kids, you’re suddenly okay with… me?”

It hurts. Hearing her say that. But it’s what I did. I earned this pain.

“You’re still too good for me, Baby Doll.

” My tone is somber. Because it’s true. “But I’m greedy enough not to care.

You’re too fucking good and too fucking sweet for an old man like me.

And I couldn’t live with myself if I kept you from a future I thought you wanted.

So, instead of talking to you, I let you go.

” I lower my eyes to her lap. To where she’s gripping her hands together so tightly her knuckles are turning white.

“I let you go… Because I didn’t want to hold you back.

Didn’t want to make you choose. But I should have asked.

” I sigh and lift my gaze back to meet hers. “I should’ve told you.”

“Told me what?” She’s back to whispering.

I fill my lungs. “I should have told you I can’t have children either.”

It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.

First time I’ve told another person.

“But…” She flattens her hands against her thighs. “What about Ashley?”

I think of my daughter.

Think of the joy she’s brought me.

Think about how much I love her.

And I silently beg her forgiveness for saying this next part.

“She’s not mine.” Admitting it tastes like ash on my tongue.

In every other sense of the word, she is. But biologically, she’s not.

“What?” Kendra reaches for me.

Her hands grip my shoulders, steadying us both.

“Her mom…” I sigh. “Sit with me for this part?”

Kendra nods.

Bracing against her chair, I stand, then hold my hands out.

Kendra places her palms in mine, and I help her up. Then I take her chair.

I move her coffee down to the floor of the deck and pat my leg.

Kendra hesitates.

“Sit on my lap.”

She blows out a breath, then turns her back to me and sits on my thighs.

Reaching around her, I grip her knees and tug her around until she’s sitting sideways.

Keeping one hand on her knee, I wrap my other arm around her back, bracing my palm against her hip, holding her to me.

Kendra leans her head on my shoulder. “Tell me.”

“Twenty-seven years ago, I was dating Ashley’s mom.

It wasn’t serious. Or it didn’t feel serious to me.

But then she told me she was pregnant. We weren’t at a point where we’d talked about having kids, but I’d always wanted them.

Eventually. So…” I sigh. “I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I asked her to marry me.”

It feels so stupid now. The marriage part. Even if Ashley was my blood, what did it matter if I was married to her mom or not?

Kendra reaches out and grips my forearm with both her hands.

I flex my fingers on her knee. “We did a courthouse wedding four weeks later, and six months later, Ashley was born.” My mouth pulls up into a sad smile.

“It was the best and worst time of my life. I had this perfect little baby. This little girl… I took a month off work when she was born. Did as much for her as I could. And when I had to go back to work… it was torture. So I came home early one day. Decided to make it a short week, needing more time with my girl. Except there was a car in my driveway. And when I went inside, my baby was crying in her crib, and her mother was fucking some other guy in our bed.”

Kendra tightens her hold on my arm. “Luther…”

I flex my arm around Kendra’s back, holding her even closer. “She didn’t even hear me. So I walked right back out of the room, packed a bag of Ashley’s things, took my daughter to a hotel, and sent divorce papers to my wife.”

It’s almost funny to think back on it.

I saw another man balls deep in my woman, and I didn’t react.

Didn’t cry or shout or throw things.

But hearing that fucking firefighter simply ask about Kendra… I was damn near ready to commit homicide.

If it had been her… If I’d caught Kendra with another man… I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

But that’s the difference.

Kendra would never betray me like that.

She’d never betray me at all.

I tip my cheek against the top of Kendra’s head. “I had money, even back then, so I told her I was keeping Ashley full time. We could keep it labeled as joint custody in the courts. I’d pay her child support. But Ashley would never live under her roof again.”

“She agreed?” Kendra sounds so full of rage it makes me smile.

I turn my neck and kiss her forehead. “She agreed. Because she knew if she fought me, I’d spend every dollar I had ruining her. And if I did that, she’d never get a dime.”

Kendra scoffs. “That bitch better not live around here.”

A laugh huffs out of me. “She doesn’t. And she doesn’t visit.”

“Good.”

I trace circles on the inside of Kendra’s knee with my thumb.

“When we got married, Ashley’s mom moved into my house.

It was all in my name, so I had her out within a week.

” I think about that little house. How crowded it was with all the toys and kid-sized furniture.

“After catching her cheating, I always wondered…Suspected… But Ashley was my child. And I wasn’t going to test her paternity.

When she was six, I was building the house that I live in now, she was starting school, and for the first time since she was born, I was thinking about dating again.

But I knew Ashley was it for me. I didn’t need or want more kids.

And I didn’t want to have to worry about another unplanned pregnancy or questionable parentage.

So I decided to get a vasectomy.” I fill my lungs with the calming scent of Kendra.

“It’s all pretty routine. And they don’t require you to…

check how things are working before the procedure.

But a part of me wanted to know… Wanted to know if it was even possible for me to be Ashley’s father.

So I had them test my… stuff.” This is another thing I’ve never told anyone.

But it’s not as hard as I thought it’d be.

“Turns out I didn’t need the vasectomy after all.

The odds of me being able to reproduce were basically zero. ”

Kendra sniffs.

I turn my hand palm up on her lap, and she releases my arm so she can grip my hand in both of hers.

Her fingers squeeze mine. “I’m sorry.”

I squeeze hers back. “I’m not. It was all pretty fucked up, but in the end, I got the child I always wanted.”

It feels wrong saying that to her, but I have to trust Kendra. I have to trust her when she says she’s okay not having children.

Kendra sighs, relaxing into me, and I know she didn’t take any offense. “Did you ever tell her mom?”

“Never.” I shake my head. “As far as she knows, there’s a fifty-fifty chance Ashley is mine.

Or, well, probably worse odds than that since I doubt it was just the one guy.

But no matter what she thinks, in the end, I won.

And Ashley won because she didn’t have to grow up with a revolving door of stepdads. ”

Kendra tips her head back, and her eyes are filled with emotion. “I’m still sorry you had to go through that. Ashley… she doesn’t know, does she?”

“No one knows. Just you.”

Kendra watches me for a moment, like she’s deciding something. “Luther?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m still mad at you.”

I swallow and nod. “Understandable.”

She blows out a breath. “But I’m going to forgive you.”

I stare at her.

Just stare.

She sighs. “I had a boyfriend, when I got my diagnosis.”

My hold on her tightens. Like this boyfriend from ten years ago might appear and try to take her from me.

Kendra lowers her head back to my shoulder. “We hadn’t been together long, but I knew he wanted kids. He’d talked about it before.”

“Did he break up with you because you couldn’t…?” Anger flashes through my veins.

She shakes her head before I can lose my temper. “I broke up with him. Because I couldn’t. I just never told him why.”

It’s what I did.

She did to him what I did to her. Only I was wrong.

Kendra never told me she wanted kids. I just assumed. I saw her interact with children, and I assumed.

I kiss her hair. “I know you already said so, but I’m going to ask one last time.”

She sighs. “One last time.”

I kiss her hair again. “If you want children, we can find one.”

“Find one?” She laughs. “You’re not stealing a child for me, Luther.”

She tries to lift her head to look at me, but I use my cheek against her head to hold her in place. “I meant adoption, Brat. But if you want me to steal you a baby, I’ll steal you a baby.”

“You’re ridiculous.” There’s no heat in her tone.

“Ridiculous for you.”

We sit together.

The quiet of the morning surrounds us.

I feel her inhale before she speaks. “So, what now?”