Page 126 of Mountain Daddy (Mountain Men #2)

Luther

My heart feels like it’s folding in on itself.

Ten years ago, Kendra had cancer.

Ten years ago, Kendra went through surgery alone.

Ten years ago, when my dream girl was only twenty-two, she had to find out she couldn’t have children.

Ten years ago, I was already friends with Joe.

Ten years ago, I’d heard of this beautiful woman, but I didn’t know her.

Ten years ago, I could have been there for her.

But… I wasn’t even there for her now.

She can’t have children, and I broke up with her because I thought…

I struggle to breathe.

Barely more than ten days ago, Kendra stood there as I told her she deserved better.

Barely more than ten days ago, I told her she deserved to have a family with someone else.

Barely more than ten days ago, Kendra stood there as I broke my promise, as I broke her trust.

Kendra stood there as I told her it was over between us, all because I made an assumption.

A horribly wrong assumption.

I release my grip on the edge of the table and press my hand against my chest. Wishing I could dig my fingers between my ribs and offer her my tattered heart in apology.

I’m so sorry.

I’m so fucking sorry for failing you.

For failing you in the worst kind of way.

She breaks eye contact, finally looking away from me.

How she can look at me at all…

I press harder against my chest.

“I talked to a therapist for a while,” Kendra tells her dad. “She helped me a lot. And, now that I’m older, I feel sure I would’ve chosen a child-free life.”

Joe is still wiping tears away. “You’re not just saying that?”

Kendra lets out a watery laugh. “I’m not just saying that. Kids are gross.”

Joe drops his hands to his lap, his shoulders sagging, his eyes bloodshot. “You’re gross.”

Kendra’s laugh is brighter this time. “I love you too.”

Joe sniffs. “You’ll tell me if something happens.”

She nods. “I swear it.”

“And you’ll tell me when you have another doctor’s appointment.”

I want to demand that she tells me too.

Want to insist that I’ll go with her.

Want to promise her that I’ll hold her hand the whole time.

I want her to know I’ll dedicate my life to protecting her, if only she’ll let me.

But what good are my promises?

“I’ll tell you,” Kendra says before she glances at me, our gazes catching.

“Good.” Joe wipes at his eyes again. “Good. And I don’t need any stinky grandkids. I have a grand-fox already.”

Kendra smiles, eyes shining. “We can make it official and design him a nursery inside.”

Joe heaves out a breath. “Guess the least I can do is build him a new house. He’ll need it to carry on the family name.”

Kendra shakes her head.

Joe lifts a hand and drags it down his face before dropping it back into his lap. “Can I give you a hug?”

Kendra’s lips tremble as she nods.

And I look away as they stand.

There’s more sniffling.

Joe mumbles something.

Kendra replies with a murmur.

And I feel like I might be ill.

How was I so wrong?

So wrong about literally everything.

I hang my head forward.

What has she been going through these last couple weeks?

How much must she hate me?

It might even be more than I hate myself.

“Quit making it weird. Come join the group hug.” Joe’s voice is gruff.

I lift my head.

Me?

Joe holds one of his arms out, the other still hugging Kendra.

I look to her.

There’s no way she wants me to join.

She probably wants to tell me to leave.

If I were her, I’d never want to see my face again.

If I were her, I would be so full of rage.

Except there’s the smallest smile on her lips.

And when I continue to watch her, she dips her chin.

The rope around my throat tightens.

She can’t…

Kendra holds her arm out too.

And I don’t care if it’s a hug of friendship and nothing more.

I’ll take it.

I’ll take any scrap of acceptance Kendra is willing to give me.

I stand so fast my chair tips over.

They both chuckle at the loud noise, but I don’t pause as I circle around the table in three steps and wrap them both in a bear hug.

Their bodies shake with humor, so I squeeze them tighter.

Joe shoves at my side, and I smack my hand firmly against his back.

He grunts, and I know it must’ve stung, but he stops trying to push me away.

And then I feel it.

Kendra’s hand at the small of my back. Her fingers tangling in the fabric of my shirt.

It’s more than I dared to wish for.

I tighten the arm I have around her, my hand curling around her shoulder, pulling her into me.

I want to tell Joe to get lost.

I need to hug Kendra for longer.

Need to hold her for-fucking-ever.

But this isn’t about me.

It never was.

But I still managed to ruin it.