Page 62 of Make Me Trust Again (Bluebonnet Creek #3)

Chase rakes his fingers through his hair before letting them fall by his sides.

“I can’t bear the thought of hurting you any more than I did because I will do it again.

I always end up causing pain to the people around me.

I always end up hurting the people I love.

” He points at the bed, the muscles in his neck visible from how hard he’s grinding his teeth.

“This wasn’t even the worst of it. I could have done so much worse.

Have done so much worse. If you only knew, you’d be running the other way.

The things I’m capable of doing. And just the thought of putting you through it.

Of putting Kyle through this… I have to leave. It’s for the best.”

The wild, unabashed look in his eyes should scare me; it does, a little bit, if I’m being completely honest with myself, and yet… Uncurling my fingers, I let go of his hand. There is a flash of pain, a moment of resignation, before he places that impassive mask on his face.

I grip his cheeks, holding him in place, his wide eyes staring into mine. “Not to me. You might have hurt others, you might even be capable of doing it again, but I don’t doubt for a second that you’d ever hurt me. Not willingly.”

“Rose…”

His voice is pained, my name sounding like a prayer and a curse. He closes his eyes, his forehead pressing against mine as he lets out a long breath. I skim my fingers over the scruff on his cheeks, inhaling his scent.

He’s fine.

Leaning in slowly, so I don’t startle him, I press my lips against his in a gentle kiss. “I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But, I do. I trust you, Chase. I trust you with me. I trust you with my son. I trust that you won’t hurt either of us. I trust you because I love you.”

His eyes fly open, lips parting in surprise.

“I love your fierce nature and your protective heart. I love your quiet acceptance and how you’ll go an extra mile for people you care about.

I see your pain, and my heart aches for you and everything you’ve been through.

Every scar. Every broken piece and bruise.

I love all of them because they made you into the man I got to know. I’m not afraid of you, Chase.”

“You should be.”

“Well, I’m not.” My throat bobs as I swallow, but I let my truth out. “I’m not afraid of your darkness. But I’m terrified of you going through that door and never getting you back. That’s one loss I don’t think I can come back from.”

“I can’t bear hurting you,” he croaks out.

“You won’t.”

“You can’t be sure. The nightmares…” He shakes his head, his gaze turning distant. “Sometimes they’re so real. And I can’t get out.”

Oh, Chase. I slide my thumb over his cheekbone. “Is that why you weren’t there when I woke up?”

He nods. “I don’t sleep much. Rarely in bed at all. I’m afraid of what’ll pop up if I keep my eyes closed for too long. I couldn’t save them.”

My heart hurts for him, for everything he’s endured. Everything he’s still going through, day in and day out, all the pain and blame he’s putting on himself.

I let my finger skim over his scars. The reminder of whatever it is that’s haunting him. A reason that he’s still alive and here with me.

“Come back to bed with me?” Lowering my hand, I intertwine my fingers with his.

“Rose…”

“Please? You were there for me when I needed it. Let me be here for you now.”

He lets out a shaky breath but allows me to pull him to the bed.

I push his pants down, not wanting anything to be between us, before getting on the bed and extending my hand to him so he can climb next to me.

I lean against the headboard and open my arms so he can rest against me, his warm skin touching mine.

“Rose?”

Chase’s arms wrap around me tightly, as if he’s afraid that if he lets go, I’ll disappear.

“Hmm?”

“You have to get away.”

“What?”

He tilts his head back, his serious eyes meeting mine. “When I have a nightmare again. You have to get away. Promise me.”

I tighten my grip on his hair. “I’m not leaving you.” He opens his mouth to protest, but I press my finger against his lips. “It’s not up for discussion. Want it or not, I’m here for you. I can just hold you. Or I can listen. If you want me to, I’ll always be here ready to listen.”

His lips are pressed in a tight line, that mask of calm composure back in place.

As much as I would want him to tell me what’s troubling him, I understand his need to keep it to himself, because the truth is, no matter how much I want to, I would never be able to understand it, and talking about it might bring even more painful memories.

But maybe, just maybe, one day, he’d be able to share even a tiny part of this life with me.

“So fucking stubborn.”

The corner of my mouth tips upward. “I thought you liked it.”

“I do, but not when it’s directed at me.”

“I guess you’ll just have to learn how to deal with it.”

The silence settles over us as we just lie like that.

His head is resting against my chest, and my fingers are running through his hair.

His breathing has calmed down, and I can feel the strong beat of his heart.

It’s one of my favorite sounds in the world.

Strong and steady. Just like the man himself.

Absentmindedly, I trace the tip of my finger over his cheek. He’s so still, for a moment I wonder if he fell asleep, but then he leans into my touch, and I get a glimpse of that faraway look on his face.

“I can still see their faces.”

My breathing stops as his words ring in the air, but he’s not watching me. His gaze is fixed at a spot in front of him, his expression completely blank. His words are spoken so softly, for a second, I think I imagined them, but then he continues.

“My squad. I can still see their faces. We were joking around seconds before it all went to hell. Everybody was so excited because soon we were supposed to go home. They were talking about their plans. Engagements, birthdays, graduations… Just a few seconds, and then it all blew up, quite literally.”

A knot forms in my throat at his words, the pain on his face. “I’m so sorry, Chase.”

“I’m sorry, too. They were good men, Rose. And I failed them.”

I shake my head. “You didn’t fail them.”

Those hazel eyes turn to me, and I can see the demons battling behind his gaze. “I was the leader of our unit. They relied on me to guide them, to get them home, and I failed them. If somebody was supposed to die that day, it was me.”

He… What?

“No.”

The denial is out of my mouth before I can stop it. My heart is hammering inside my chest as his words echo in the quiet room.

Chase.

Gone.

I can’t imagine it.

I can’t imagine a world in which he isn’t alive.

“No.” I shake my head.

“Rose…”

“I don’t accept that. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for the families that lost their loved ones, but I’m not sorry that you’re here. With me. With your family.”

His expression softens. “Sweetheart…”

“I’m serious, Chase. I don’t want to know a world in which you’re not there. So don’t you dare say stuff like that.”

His arms tighten around me, and he rolls us around, so I’m lying on top of him, his lips brushing against my forehead. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I’ll try.” His arms wrap around me. “For you and Ky, I’ll try.”

I press my mouth against his chest, just where his heart is. “Good.”

Happy with that, I rest my head on his chest, nuzzling into his neck. For a while, neither of us says anything; we just hold onto one another. “Chase?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you mean it?” My tongue darts out to slide over my lower lip as the nerves start to get the better of me, but I force myself to look up. “What you said earlier? Did you mean it?”

“You mean the fact that I love you?”

My cheeks heat at the sound of those softly spoken words. “Yeah.”

He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I love you, Rose Hathaway. I think I started to fall for you the first time you crashed into my life. Unexpected, stunning, resilient… You turned my life upside down. I didn’t want this life for so long, but being around you makes me want to try.”

“Considering you did the same, I guess it’s only fair.

” I lay my hand over his chest and rest my chin against it.

“I never thought I’d have this. Not after everything that had happened.

I never thought I’d be able to find somebody who’ll make me want to put my trust in them.

But at the same time, I’m scared. Isn’t it too soon?

How is it possible to feel so much for somebody so quickly? ”

“You just know.” His expression grows distant, his hand running down my back. “That’s what my dad used to tell me. He saw my mom, and he just… knew. I didn’t believe him, but now I do.” He blinks, his gaze coming into focus. “One step at a time?”

Sliding my hand to the back of his neck, I pull him in for a soft kiss.

“One step at a time.”