Page 26 of Make Me Trust Again (Bluebonnet Creek #3)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ROSE

The doorbell rings, and I can feel my stomach roll with nerves as the sound echoes inside the small space. Sucking in a long breath, I place the folded shirt onto the couch and push down the bile that’s rising up my throat, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

You can do this, Rose . You need to do this. For Kyle.

I peek into his room, but his back is to me, so I flick the light switch a few times, drawing his attention just as the doorbell rings once again.

Kyle looks over his shoulder, all serious, a look of uncertainty on his face.

Although I don’t feel it, I force down my own nerves and plaster a smile on my face. “Your dad is here. Gr ? —”

Another chime of the doorbell.

“Is he serious right now?” I mutter under my breath as I look over my shoulder and yell, “I’m coming!” I shift my attention back to Kyle. “Time to go.”

Sullenly, he grabs his backpack and slides it onto his shoulder. I place my hand on his back as we make our way to the front door, just as there is another ring of the doorbell.

“Is that really necessary?” I hiss through gritted teeth as I pull open the door and come face to face with my ex, who’s flashing me a smug grin.

“I didn’t know if you changed your mind. Maybe decided to go back on our agreement?”

And have him use that to take Kyle away from me? I think not.

“My car is right there.”

“I didn’t see it.”

Yeah, right.

John’s eyes narrow. “No guard dog today?”

I press my lips into a tight line.

Don’t take his bait. He’s just trying to get a reaction out of you. Don’t fall to his level.

I chant those words in my mind as I crouch down in front of Kyle, who’s intently watching our interaction.

A strand of hair falls onto his face, so I push it back.

“Do you have everything you need?”

Kyle nods, his gaze darting over my shoulder for a moment. Do I have to go?

The question, the uneasiness on his face, feels like a kick to the gut. I hate this. I hate that I have to send my son to his father, who makes him uncomfortable. I hate the fact that being with John unsettled him. A son shouldn’t have to be worried about spending time with his dad, for God’s sake!

But this isn’t about me, is it? This is about Kyle, so I swallow hard and force out a smile. Yes. You’ll get to hang out with your dad. That will be fun.

Kyle’s lips press into a tight line. But he never hung out with me before.

“Is he ready?” John mutters over my shoulder, clearly annoyed. “Because we’ve gotta go. I don’t have the whole day.”

Fucking John.

I ignore him, putting all of my attention on Kyle and making sure he’s comfortable. Or as much as he can be.

He’s here, isn’t he?

Kyle shrugs.

He’s trying, buddy. We have to try, too.

I can only hope that’s the case, and I’m not lying to my son. Again.

But we’re not going back there?

There. Not home.

“Rose.” I don’t miss the warning tone in John’s voice, but to hell with him. If Kyle needs reassurance, I’ll sure as hell give it to him. He’s just a boy.

I glare at him. “Just wait a minute.”

“You’re babying him too much,” John mutters.

“And you’re being an ass, but I guess that’s nothing new.”

From the corner of my eye, I can see Kyle’s throat bob, and I curse at myself for letting him get to me and, by extension, upsetting Kyle.

He’s angry. I don’t like him when he’s angry.

He’s not angry. He’s just in a hurry. And no, buddy. We’re not going back. You’ll stay with your dad for the weekend, and then you’re coming home to me.

When I got home from the settlement the other day, I sat Kyle down after dinner and tried to explain to him what’s been going on, although I’m not surprised that he’s still uncertain. The divorce and the custody agreements are a lot for a six-year-old to handle.

Good. I like it here.

I like it here, too. And I’ll be waiting for you when you come back home on Sunday. But if you need anything, you can video call or text me, and I’ll be there.

Okay.

Kyle wraps his arms around my neck, so I take a moment to squeeze him tightly to me, closing my eyes to push back the tears.

Why is this so freaking hard?

I wait for Kyle to pull back first, and quickly blink my eyes before pushing to my feet and turning to face my ex.

“He has all of his stuff in the backpack, but if you need anything, just call.”

John scoffs. “So you can take the weekend visitations from me as well? I think not. Besides, if you haven’t left, none of this would be happening.”

My fingers curl into a fist by my side, my nails digging into my palm. I have to keep calm in front of Kyle. “This isn’t about us, John. He’s just a boy, and he’s scared. Just?—”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Rose. This is about us. And the choices you made led us here. Now it’s time you get a taste of what you wished for.” John glances at Kyle. “Get in the car.”

Kyle’s blue eyes meet mine, so I force myself to keep my mask in place to reassure him and smile wider. I love you.

Love you more.

John’s lips twitch in annoyance. I know he hates it when we use sign language because he doesn’t know what we’re talking about, but then again, he’s the one always complaining about how wrong Kyle sounds when he speaks, so it’s tough luck for him.

I watch as they make their way to John’s truck, and then I stay in that exact same spot until they’re long gone.

A shudder goes through me, so I wrap my arms around my middle, rubbing at my upper arms, but I don’t think anything can chase away the chill.

Swallowing hard, I go back inside.

Busy.

I need to stay busy.

Maybe if I do that, I won’t worry constantly over the next 48 hours about Kyle and if he’s okay.

Putting the cart on the side, I walk to the shelf and look over the options. I grab some cereal for myself, tucking the box under my arm, and turn back to the cart, lifting my hands.

Do you ? —

But Kyle’s not there.

Because he’s with his father.

Dammit.

Grabbing a box of his favorite cereal, I put both into the cart and pull out my phone.

I’ve done that exact thing countless times since Kyle left.

I’m not sure why, because for the first time in forever, I actually have my ringer on.

If there is a call or a text, hell, even a damn notification, I’ll hear it, and yet, I can’t stop checking it.

Of course, there are no new texts, just a picture of Kyle and me, laughing back at me and making my heart ache.

I bite the inside of my cheek to the point I can feel a metallic taste in my mouth.

“Rose?”

I turn around at the sound of my name, only to find Becky standing behind me. Her smile falls the moment she sees me, a worried expression reflecting on her face.

“Are you okay?”

I clear my throat and push out a smile. How many times has that been today? You’d think it would feel more natural at this point, but nope. “Yeah, all good.” I take her in, noticing a few bottles of wine in her basket. “Shopping?”

“Yes, I just realized we ran out of wine, and there is no book club without some so…” She tilts her head to the side. “You’re still coming right?”

Shit.

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Maybe. There’s just been a lot going on lately.”

“I get it. You should come. If you’re worried about Kyle, I’m sure he’d want to hang with the boys…”

The mention of Kyle is like a pang to my gut. An ugly reminder that he’s not with me, and he won’t be. Not for another 44 odd hours.

“Or is he with your parents?”

“Umm… He’s with John.”

Becky blinks as the realization dawns on her. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.” I shrug. “Weekend visitations.”

Becky presses her lips into a tight line as she watches me carefully for a moment. “I’m sorry, Rose. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be.”

“I hope it doesn’t stay this way.” I run my fingers through my hair, giving her an apologetic smile. “I’m not sure if I’ll be the best company today, if I’m being completely honest.”

“I get that, but maybe a change of scenery instead of being home alone isn’t such a bad idea.”

She got me there. The house seems eerily quiet. It’s such a contradiction, but it’s true. Kyle’s deaf, so it’s not like we can talk or yell to each other from room to room, but I haven’t realized just how quiet it can be when he isn’t around.

Since we’ve been living alone in the cottage, Kyle has relaxed so much.

He’s been laughing more and making noises as he plays, and I love it.

I’ve got a taste of what my kid is actually like, so now, after he’s left, the house seems even more silent than usual.

It reminds me of last year, when we were still living with John.

Kyle knew that his dad could come home at any time, and would get upset with his voice, so most of the time, he would keep to himself.

The thought of going back there, to that silence, to that moment, makes me shudder.

“I—” My tongue darts out, sliding over my dry lips. “Okay. Just for a little while.”

It’s not like somebody is waiting for me back home.

Not today, anyway.

“I think we should demand men start wearing kilts again,” Mrs. Miller declares, wiggling her brows. “I’m all about easier access.”

Her crude words have me choking slightly, but the other women must be used to her antics because they all collectively laugh.

“I’m not sure you know what you’re asking for, Tillie,” Mrs. Santiago chimes. “Not all men are as well-endowed as our Scottish Laird.”

Mrs. Miller takes a healthy sip from her wine glass as she waves her hand. “When you get to my age, you just want them to know how to use it properly.”

“As if.” Mrs. Tyson scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Most of them are still as clueless as when they were teenagers.”

“Most, but not all.” Mrs. Miller gives her friend a pointed look. “Some of them are very talented.”

The color rises up my neck at the innuendo. I’m used to Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Tyson’s antics, but this is on a whole other level. I’m not sure if I should laugh or get the hell out of here. I bite the inside of my cheek when Mrs. Fernandez’s eyes meet mine.