Page 34 of Make Me Trust Again (Bluebonnet Creek #3)

Popping off the lid, I take a long pull from the bottle, letting the cold liquid slide down my throat.

“You’re really good with him.” Becky’s gaze is fixed over my shoulder, a small smile playing on her lips before she shifts her gaze back to me. “I can see why he picked that sign name for you.”

My brows furrow in confusion. “What name?”

Becky grins, amusement dancing in her irises. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Becky…”

She shakes her head. “It’s not my place to tell.”

“Well, funny considering you’re the one who brought it up.”

“I was just surprised, that’s all.” She quirks her brow. “I didn’t realize you’ve become buddies with your neighbors. Not after being so opposed to it in the first place.”

“We’re not buddies, we…” Cursing, I run my hand over my face.

I don’t know what we are, and if I can’t explain it to myself, how the hell am I supposed to explain it to my meddling sister?

“He likes Shadow, so he came around a few times.”

“Mm-hmm…” Becky hums noncommittally.

“You know you’re annoying when you do that.” I glare at her. “It’s the truth. He came around, and I didn’t have the heart to push him away. No matter what you might think, I’m not that big of an asshole.”

“I know you’re not an asshole,” Becky says softly, her face turning serious. “Although I sometimes wonder if you ’re aware of that.”

I don’t bother correcting her; it’s not like she’ll listen anyway.

“Doesn’t everybody have one?”

To my sister’s dismay, I don’t know much about sign language.

She tried to convince me to take some ASL classes, so it would be easier for me to communicate after the doctors said there would be no getting my hearing back, but I never took her up on it.

I didn’t see the point in it. Sure, my ears are ringing, and yes, I have trouble hearing if somebody comes from my right side, but I’m not completely deaf.

A part of me regrets it now. Still, I assume everybody has a sign name. Right?

There it is again, that hum. “Kind of.”

“It’s not a shitty one, is it? And you all are just laughing behind my back.”

The corner of Becky’s mouth tilts upward.

“It is, I knew it. What does it mean?”

“You’ll have to look it up yourself.” She gives me a pointed look.

“Or you can ask him. After all, he’s the one who chose it for you.

Usually, you just spell out your name with the alphabet, but sometimes deaf people will give you a sign name.

Only they can do so, and those names have their own special meaning based on who’s given them to you. ”

My stomach twists as I mull over Becky’s softly spoken words, trying to figure out what it all means.

My gaze darts to the lake and the boy standing in it.

What did he choose? And why? Why give me, of all people, a sign name?

It makes no sense. He barely knows me. Not that I want him to know me.

Know what I did. If he ever found out, he’ll never look at me like he did up until now, and something about that makes bile rise up in my throat.

Becky rests her head on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts. We just stand like that for a moment. “I’m glad you came today,” Becky says softly. “I miss having my big brother around.”

“I’ve been here for a while.”

Becky pulls back, that sadness once again reflects in her irises. “Have you really?”

A knot forms in my throat, the lie at the tip of my tongue, and yet I can’t force it out. Because we both know the truth. Physically, I might have been here for the last few years, but I haven’t really been present, not like she needed me to be.

She places her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know you’re not the man you were when you left, I would never expect you to be. However, I’m glad to see that traces of him are still hiding inside. You deserve to be happy, Chase.”

Uncurling her fingers, she lets her hand fall and, with one last smile, she takes a step back. “I’m going to put this one to sleep before my hand goes completely numb.”

Nodding absentmindedly, I lift the bottle, taking another sip of my drink, her words still running through my head as I slowly make my way to the small wooden dock.

You deserve to be happy, Chase.

She’s wrong, though. How can I be happy when so many people didn’t get a chance to live, much less find happiness? Why should I be the one to do so? It makes no sense. No fucking sense at all.

The wood creaks under my feet when I step on the dock, only to come to a stop when I see somebody’s already sitting there.

No, not just somebody.

Rose.

She glances over her shoulder at the sound, her lips parting when she spots me.

“ Chase. ”

At one point, she had put a dress over her bikini, but it’s not doing much to hide her curves, as the black material is completely sheer.

Her hair had dried under the sun, leaving her strands tangled in wild locks around her face, and all I can think about is how I want to sink my fingers into her wild hair and tilt her head so I can press my mouth against hers.

Test if she’ll taste as good as she did the other night.

She’s not yours to have.

“Hey, I didn’t see you there. I’ll just—” I start to turn around, but she stops me.

“You don’t have to leave.”

I should most definitely leave.

But do I do that?

No.

Because no matter how much I want or how hard I seem to try, I can’t resist the pull toward her.

Rose turns to me, pulling her knees to her chest. “I wanted to talk to you. To thank you for hanging out with Kyle today. He had a blast.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“I do.” She tilts her head, a strand of hair falling into her face, and my fingers itch to push it away, but I shove them into my pockets instead. “I don’t think today would have been half as fun for him if you weren’t here. He can be a lot sometimes, but he really likes you.”

My gaze darts to the shore where Kyle and the other kids are tossing the ball for Shadow. “I think it’s Shadow, not me.”

Rose chuckles softly and tucks that runaway strand behind her ear. “He does love your dog, but it’s also you.” She rests her chin on her knees. “He trusts you, and that goes a long way when you’ve been hurt in the past.”

What about you? Do you trust me?

The question is at the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back. Trust is a fragile thing, and it’s hard to give on a good day, much less when you’ve been hurt before. And I’m the last person who deserves somebody’s trust. Not when I so epically betrayed it in the past.

“Don’t I know it.”

Silence settles over us, and I can feel my body relax. I know I should probably go, turn around, and leave her to her thoughts, but instead, I find myself lowering down. My back protests as I sit on the wooden floor, sliding my legs over the edge.

Across the lake, everybody is sitting on towels, the sound of chatter, laughter, and soft music coming from the speakers reaching us in our little sanctuary away from everybody else.

The kids are in the shallow part of the lake, and Kyle is playing tug-of-war with Shadow. He stumbles slightly backward. From the corner of my eye, I can see Rose tense slightly, but Shadow tugs harder, keeping the boy upright.

“She won’t let anything happen to him.”

“I know.” Her shoulders relax slightly. “She’s very protective of him.”

Just then, Shadow lets go of the ball and pushes Kyle toward the shore with her snout.

“She’s like a mother hen.” Rose chuckles softly, the sound ringing in the night. “I didn’t expect that, I have to admit. She’s so big and intimidating.”

“She is. And lethal. She’s a trained K9, so don’t let her fool you.”

Don’t let me fool you.

Rose’s smile falls slightly at my words. The silent warning in them. A reminder of sorts for her, but also for me.

Of who I am.

What I’ve done.

The darkness that haunts me.

Something dark passes over her face, her gaze growing distant for a moment. “Is it wrong that that gives me a little bit of comfort?”

Her question is spoken so softly, I’d have probably missed it if I wasn’t watching her carefully.

Rose blinks, her eyes coming into focus. They hold me hostage. She holds me hostage, and I can’t bring myself to look away.

“I’m not a good man, Rose.”

Our fingers brush, the still-warm wood scratching my palm.

She tilts her head slightly, her hair slipping from her shoulder and leaving her neck exposed. “I beg to differ.”

I mutter a curse, my fingers curling around the wood, a weak attempt to hold myself back when all I want?—

Whooosh—

I suck in a sharp breath, but it’s like there is a knot inside my throat. My heart beats loudly inside my chest, making the ringing echo inside my eardrums. Time seems to slow down, and a cold sweat washes over me.

Boom.

My muscles go rigid as more explosions sound around us, illuminating the dark sky.

Boom, boom, boom.

The air is thick around me, the scorching heat of the desert burning through the thick layers of my uniform. The sand fills my nose and mouth, sticking to my sweaty skin. My whole body hurts as I try to push upright, the sound of gunshots ringing in my ears.

A hand squeezes mine.

“ Chase .”

I blink furiously, pushing through the blurriness to find Rose’s wide eyes on me.

Scared.

No, not scared.

Terrified.

Her lips move, but I can’t hear her. Can’t focus on her words from the damn ringing in my ears—the sound of screams.

That pressure against my hand tightens, pulling me back to the present.

I look down and find Rose’s delicate hand clasping onto mine. I turn my hand, wrapping my fingers around hers, and squeeze back as I slowly lift my gaze.

My palm is sweaty, my shirt clinging to my chest as I hold onto her.

My lifeline.

My thumb slides over her pulse point. Her heartbeat is strong under my fingertip. That’s what I focus on. The steady thump-thump-thump. The way her lips move, her soundless words.

Breathe for me.

I suck in a sharp breath.

And then another one.

The world slowly comes into focus.

A body brushes against my side, and then I can feel the familiar weight settle on my thigh.

Shadow.

I lift my free hand, letting my fingers sink into Shadow’s fur. She turns around and licks my hand, the familiarity of her presence calming me. I struggle to push back the memories, but Rose doesn’t waver, doesn’t pull back.

“I’m here. You’re okay. Just breathe for me.”

My whole focus is on the steady rise and fall of her chest, the feeling of her warm palm clasped in mine. I force my fingers to relax, so I’m not crushing her.

“—om!” Kyle’s loud voice snaps us out of the trance we were under. “Shadow— Oh, she’s here! She just left when the fireworks started, and I got worried.”

He stops by our side, his eyes narrowing as he watches me. “Are you okay?”

“I—” My voice is rough, the words stuck in my throat. I swallow hard. “I have to go.”

“Chase, wai?—”

Sliding my hand out of Rose’s, I push to my feet and get the hell away.