Page 56

On the train to Purgatory, he admired the good morning text Rusty had sent him, every organ in his body turning to mush.

It wasn’t anything fancy, just a simple good morning, accompanied by a digital doodle of a highland cow that Gem knew Rusty had drawn on his tablet.

It made him ache all over in the best way.

Good morning. Thank you for the cow. I love her with both my hearts.

Rusty hadn’t read the text yet, probably because the morning rush was still underway, so Gem added two heart emojis before he could psyche himself out—though he chose the chillest ones, of course.

Then he ordered more pillows online so Rusty could build a pillow nest in his bed anytime he wanted.

Lastly, he bought several new lingerie outfits, all in white, because he knew Rusty liked when he wore white.

His credit card bill was going to be incredibly depressing at the end of the month, but he’d leave that for Future Gem to worry about.

At work, Gem was the chillest he had ever been in his life.

He was so chill he expected everyone around him to start putting on sweaters to keep themselves warm.

Sure, he couldn’t help but smile at Rusty whenever he had the opportunity, and yes, he touched Rusty’s butt as much as he could subtly—and legally—get away with, but he was so chill .

As Rusty clocked out that afternoon, Gem asked super-duper casually, “See you later?”

Rusty hooked his thumbs in the straps of his knapsack and nodded. “See you later.”

“See you later, man,” Oliver called out with a wave from his spot making a smoothie.

“He has no idea,” Gem whispered, winking obnoxiously as Rusty rolled his eyes.

Later still, as Gem was restocking the mood syrups, Toni hopped up on the counter beside him, shitkicker boots swinging. “So, what are we doing Thursday for your hatchday? Dinner at mine? Jude’ll be there, but that’s okay, right?”

“Oh, um, actually”—Gem placed the now full bottle of gratitude back on the shelf—“I have plans Thursday. Can we do dinner Wednesday instead?”

Toni’s indigo brows furrowed. “What plans?”

Well, technically, Gem hadn’t made the plans yet, but he’d been banking on spending his hatchday with Rusty. Not that he could tell Toni that without it turning into a whole debacle, so to avoid that, he hedged. “I just have a thing.”

“What thing?” Toni demanded.

“A date-thing,” Gem said before he’d truly considered the wisdom of such a claim.

“You have a date? On your hatchday?” Toni asked, and Gem winced.

“Kind of?” Facing the espresso machine, Gem started taking it apart to give his hands something to do. “I, uh, have a kind of date-like-thing.”

Toni was quiet for several long seconds, before he echoed, “A date-like-thing?”

Gem nodded. “Mhm.”

Leather creaked as Toni jumped down from the counter, and Gem focused harder on the pieces of machinery in his hands, refusing to look at his best friend at all. His gaze was hot and heavy on the side of Gem’s face, and Gem’s fur puffed up in response, his defenses rising automatically.

“You’re dating someone?” Toni accused, sounding both annoyed and hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not dating anyone,” Gem said, and it wasn’t a lie. He and Rusty weren’t dating, technically speaking. Right? “It’s not… honestly, I’m not really sure what it is. ”

Again, not a lie.

“It’s new, and maybe it’s not gonna turn into anything.

We’re still figuring it out, you know? It’s why we haven’t—why I haven’t said anything.

” Gem swiveled one eye in Toni’s direction, flinching at the furious expression in the Elas’s pitch black eyes.

“Come on, Toni, don’t look at me like that.

I’m allowed to have something that’s just mine. ”

Toni reared back at that, the frustration morphing into genuine pain. “But I’m your best friend.”

“I know.”

“We don’t keep secrets.”

“It’s not—okay, listen.” Gem set the pieces of the espresso machine aside and faced the Elas. “It’s really new. As in, like, a week-ish type of new. And we’re taking things really slow, and he’s really private.”

“Oh gods, he’s in the closet, ain’t he?” Toni sneered, and Gem smacked his shoulder.

“He’s not in the closet. He’s just a private person, and neither of us wanna go blabbing about stuff when we don’t even know what this is between us.

I mean, I like him. A lot, actually. He’s funny and really sweet and an amazing kisser, by the way.

He does things with his tongue—actually, that’s not important,” Gem said with an embarrassed titter.

“I mean it is important because physical attraction and compatibility are vital, but it’s not everything, is what I mean.

“Like, even though our first kiss was the best first kiss I’ve ever had in my life, I could still tell that he was a bit inexperienced.

Which I didn’t think I’d be into, but I am!

I liked that I was the first person he’d ever really kissed, you know?

Apparently, I have this weird, masculine energy inside me that is possessive and primal.

Like, I wanna hunt for him or build him a hut or something.

“I mean, I wouldn’t know the first thing about building a hut, but I could do it.

My gay audacity would make up for my lack of skills.

And it wouldn’t be anything too complicated.

Something a little cottage core chic, you know?

’Cause it’s still gotta be cute. It needs lots of pillows, so he can build his little nap nest in the corner by the fire, and I’ll, like, bake him pies and have his theoretical babies.

“Not his real babies, though, because I obviously don’t have the necessary anatomy and I don’t want kids.

But, like, that would be the vibe. And we’d live off the land, even though I have no idea what’s edible out there.

Sure, I’d get bored, and maybe we’d argue sometimes about how I wanna go to the club, and he’d be like, ‘Gem, there is no club, because we live in the forest, remember?’ And I’d be like, ‘Why do we live in the forest? The outdoors suck.’

“Then I’d remember that it was my fault because I’m the one who built a stupid hut in the fucking forest. Which, honestly, not my smartest move, but then he’d look at me, when we’re old and gray, and I wouldn’t regret a fucking thing.

I’d give him anything, because the way he looks at me—” Gem swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he traced the cow pendant hanging from his neck.

“Toni, the way he looks at me. I don’t think anyone’s ever looked at me like that, and… ”

Gem drifted off as he met Toni’s wide, glassy eyes. He was staring at Gem like he’d never seen him before, like he was a stranger. Like he had lost his fucking mind. And he had, hadn’t he? Because he’d just waxed poetic about Rusty in front of Toni, of all people.

“It’s just not that serious,” Gem whispered at long last, “and I don’t want to jinx it. ”

Sniffing pathetically—because had he seriously been about to cry?—Gem started fitting the espresso machine back together. Toni’s silence was heavier now, and Gem’s stomach knotted.

“Gemmy,” Toni said, so softly.

“Anyway, I’m not trying to be weird or secretive. It’s just super new and ambiguous and I figured I’d talk to you about it when… like, when—”

“When you have his theoretical babies?” Toni said with a grimace, and Gem balked.

“Ew, Toni! Gross. I don’t want any babies, theoretical or otherwise.”

“But you said—”

“That’s not important,” Gem interrupted, face sweltering with embarrassment.

“You said you wanted to build him a hut in the forest and bake him pies!” Toni cried.

Panicking now, Gem stamped his foot childishly. “I don’t even know how to bake a pie.”

“It’s not that hard. The crust is the most complicated part. I could teach you if you want,” Toni offered, and Gem simpered.

“Aw, that’s sweet, but no thank you. I’m not a trad-wife. I’m more trophy-wife material.” Gem gasped dramatically, making Toni jump. “Oh my gods, what if he published his graphic novel and got famous and really rich? Not that I’m a gold-digger, but also, life goals! I’d love that for me.”

Like Gem was giving him whiplash, Toni shook his head and raked a hand through his indigo hair. “What graphic novel?”

Shit, why was Gem still talking?

“There is no graphic novel,” he said, and Toni threw up his hands in frustration.

“You just said— ”

“Toni, you’re missing the point!” Gem interrupted. “The important thing is, we’re figuring things out, and until we do, we’re keeping things chill.”

Swiping his hand through the air, like he was resetting the conversation, Toni said, “Okay, fine! Whatever. I’m feeling a lot of big things right now, because apparently you’re falling in lo—”

Gem rounded on him with a glare threatening death and dismemberment should he even dare to finish that word the way Gem assumed he wanted to. Proving he had a strong survival instinct, Toni swallowed thickly and continued more cautiously.

“Apparently, there are things happening in your life, and I didn’t know,” he said, breath hitching. “Which ain’t your fault. It’s mine, and I hate that. I haven’t been there. You’ve been… you have… and this guy—and I didn’t even know!”

“Toni,” Gem said as he reached for his best friend.

“I know I’ve been caught up with Jude, but I thought I was doing better. Like, finding that balance, you know? But I abandoned you again, didn’t I? And now, you got this guy, and I wasn’t there.”

With a distressed noise, Gem framed Toni’s face in his top hands as he captured his shoulders and upper arms in the other four.

“Toni, stop. You haven’t abandoned me. Of course you’ve been busy with Jude!

You’ve only been official for a few months, and you’re falling stupidly in love, so of course it’s taking up a lot of your life right now.

“And I’m not mad about that.” Gem pressed their foreheads together as Toni sniffled. “I’ve only ever wanted good and wonderful things for you, and Jude is good and wonderful. I’ve never been happier for you.”

“But everything’s changing,” Toni said.

“Yeah, but that’s life. Things change. ”

Toni’s head shot up, nearly clipping Gem’s chin. “But we’re still Gem and Toni, right?”

“We’ll always be Gem and Toni. Always.” Gem pressed a kiss between Toni’s brow. “Even if it looks a little different now. But that’s just part of it.”

“Part of what?”

Rubbing his thumbs over Toni’s cheeks, Gem smiled down at him. “Growing up.”

“What if I don’t wanna grow up?” Toni mumbled glumly, and Gem laughed.

He admired his best friend, the dark coal lining his eyes and the smudge of mascara that he must have worn last night but couldn’t completely remove. His nails were baby pink and sparkling, and the tightness he’d carried for so many years was gone from his face and shoulders.

He wasn’t the same angry, dejected Elas Gem had run into at fourteen years of age. He was a man now, and he’d finally settled into his skin. Whether Toni wanted to admit it or not, he had grown up a lot this past year.

Gem didn’t want to credit all of it to Jude. Yes, the human’s unerring support and calming presence in Toni’s life had made a difference. But Toni was the man he was today because he’d done the work, and Gem was so proud of him.

“Growing up isn’t optional, babes, but I promise to be with you every step of the way if you let me.” Leaning in, Gem pressed a brief, platonic peck to Toni’s lips. “Me and you against the world, right?”

Toni nodded, forehead landing on Gem’s chin. “Always.”