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Chapter sixteen

Killer Pierogies and Stardust

Gem

As August turned to September, the weather grew milder, and summer released its death grip once and for all.

One night, a thunderstorm blew through the Pentagram, bringing some much needed relief, and Rusty and Gem stood on the fire escape as the wind howled and the rain soaked them to the skin.

Rusty tilted his head back, face to the rain, and smiled, and Gem thought him beautiful.

For Oliver’s birthday, he invited the whole cafe crew to his parents’ ranch in the human dimension—a magical and wonderful place called Montana—and Gem had never been more excited for anything in his life.

He was going to see a real life cow. And not just one.

Oliver’s parents had many cows, and according to Oliver, Gem was allowed to hug them all.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle it without dying. Hugging a cow was a life-long dream, after all, like visiting the Illian Caves in the Wrath mountains during the solstice or having an eight-way where every one of his holes—including all six hands—could get utterly demolished.

When the day finally came, Gem was only able to tamp down his excitement for the cows by focusing on supporting Toni.

This was going to be the first time Toni saw Jude after their quasi break-up over the summer, and Gem couldn’t help but worry.

Toni gave off a devil-may-care attitude, but deep down, he was tender-hearted and surprisingly sensitive.

Thankfully, he and Jude’s reunion at the cafe before they left for Montana seemed to go well, though Gem wasn’t close enough to hear the words exchanged. But they were both smiling, and Toni looked hopelessly in love, so Gem gave them their space, watching from afar should Toni need back-up.

“This weekend isn’t gonna be weird, right?” Rusty whispered, following Gem’s line of sight. “Or are they back together?”

“I don’t know,” Gem whispered back, rebuilding the espresso machine he’d just cleaned. “Jude really hurt Toni, and while I’m not going to judge too quickly, because everyone deserves a chance to explain, I will also kick his ass if tries to string Toni along again.”

“You’re too good for him. You know that, right?”

Gem blew a raspberry. “Oh, both Toni and I are fully aware of that. He is lucky to have me.”

“Alright,” Quin said sharply, gesturing for everyone to gather. “Form a circle, and everyone hold hands.”

After Quin teleported them all to Oliver’s ranch, Gem claimed the cow-themed room for Toni and himself.

Above the bed was the most beautiful painting of a black and white cow, and Gem smiled at it adoringly as he unpacked his duffel bag.

He shoved his clothes into the dresser and set up his skin care supplies on top.

Gazing out the window, he spotted the cows in a distant pasture near a large red structure—the cows’ house, Gem assumed. “Toni, oh my gods! Those are real cows.”

“Gem, I told you, you need to lock that shit down,” Toni said from the bed. “Everyone already thinks you want to fuck the cows, baby, and that ain’t normal.”

“I don’t want to fuck the cows,” Gem insisted for the millionth time. “I just want to love them. There is a difference.”

He returned to the dresser to finish emptying his bag but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Jude peeked his head inside at Toni’s invitation, dark hair curly, eyes guarded.

“Hey, uh, do you have a minute?” Jude asked Toni, and Toni waved him inside.

“I have lots of minutes.”

“That’s my cue to leave, right?” Gem asked as he kicked his bag out of the way and headed for the door. He paused at Jude’s side and studied the small human. “If this conversation goes well, then I’d really like to hang out more and get to know you.”

Jude blinked up at him in surprise. “Uh, yeah, me too.”

“Cool,” Gem nodded, adding some steel to his voice as he added, “Though if it doesn’t go well, be prepared for me to hate you for all eternity.”

To Gem’s delight, Jude shrank away slightly. “Sounds fair.”

Easing his intensity, he smiled down at him. “Awesome, though I’m hoping for the former.”

“Me too,” Jude said with a flush to his cheeks.

Gem sent Toni several thumbs-up as he left the room, wanting to stay and eavesdrop but knowing Toni would hear him if he tried. Since he didn’t want a haranguing, he explored the human home, keeping himself hunched so as not to run into any pointy light fixtures of death hanging from the ceiling.

Mr. Pickles, a large fluffy creature that Oliver had called a cat, sat on the couch and glared reproachfully up at Gem. It reminded him of the way Rusty glared, angry but so adorable he couldn’t possibly take him seriously. Gem reached out to pat it, but it hissed and swiped at him.

“Well that’s uncalled for,” he said.

Mr. Pickles’s tail flicked angrily.

He stuck out his tongue.

Mr. Prickles growled.

He bared his fangs.

Mr. Pickles flashed canines and hissed.

“Oh, it is fucking on!” Gem cried, pointing a threatening finger at the cat.

Oliver’s mother, Maggie, appeared around the corner, and they both yelped in surprise at seeing the other. Maggie was small and round, with yellow hair like Oliver’s, though hers was streaked with gray. She was skittish, but she had kind eyes, and Gem liked her immediately.

“Hi, Mrs. Ollie’s mom,” Gem said, and the human woman’s smile trembled as she looked up and up and up.

“Oh, hello.”

“Gem,” he said as a reminder, because she’d probably forgotten during the commotion of their arrival. “Or Gemae,” he added, dropping his voice conspiratorially with a wink and a sly smirk, “if you’re feeling nasty.”

She didn’t respond, and the following silence was awkward.

Which meant Gem could not abide it. So he cleared his throat daintily and said, “I just wanted to make it very clear, because I feel like there was some confusion before, that I have no intention of sexually molesting the cows.

Or any other living creature on this farm.

Or anywhere, in fact. Just no molestation ever.

“Consent is super important to me,” he insisted as Maggie’s eyes grew large.

“Like, this one time, I was chatting with this guy on Cock’d—it’s this demon hook-up app—and he was super into somnophilia.

And I was like, ‘Hey, babe, no problem. I’m up to try anything once.

Just tell me what you want.’ And I was totally gonna follow through ’cause I’m a man of my word.

“But then I got to his place, and he was asleep. Which, you know, is the point,” Gem tittered, and Maggie reached up to grasp her cross necklace in her fist. “But I just couldn’t do it.

I knew he was consenting. I knew it was what he wanted, but I couldn’t just fuck an unconscious person; it felt wrong.

“Not that I’m kink shaming him or anyone else who enjoys that.

It’s just not for me,” he clarified with a hand on his chest. “So I woke him up to tell him, because communication is important, even if it’s just a hook-up.

And he was annoyed at first, but then he said he was also into bondage, and I was like, ‘Babe, bondage is my jam.’ Then he tied me up and fucked my face.

“So, it all worked out in the end,” Gem finished smugly, smiling grandly down at the human. She blinked at him, mouth ajar, eyes wide and somewhat horrified, and his smile dimmed. “I’m so sorry, what was your question again?”

Husky laughter stopped Maggie from replying, and Gem spun around to find Rusty sitting on the window seat, one leg curled up underneath him as he rolled up his loose tobacco into a cigarette.

“Rusty, how long have you been there?” Gem demanded .

Rusty tucked the cigarette between his lips, still chuckling. “Um, long enough to see you lose an argument to a cat, scar Oliver’s mother forever, and learn one of your hard limits.”

“I didn’t lose to the cat. I was interrupted,” Gem said icily.

“And I would never scar Oliver’s mother.

I have a deep respect for mothers, given that I have three.

” Turning back to Maggie, who was still watching him like maybe he had, in fact, scarred her, Gem said, “My parents are a polycule. Three moms. One dad. And I know what you’re thinking.

Ew, patriarchy! But Dad’s a bottom, so it’s a very feminist situation. ”

“Gem, let’s go outside,” Oliver said as he charged into the room, glancing worriedly between him and Maggie. “Mom, are you okay?”

“Of course, she’s okay. We were having girl-talk,” Gem said, shooting Rusty a glare when he started laughing again.

“Either way, let’s just go outside,” Oliver said, and Gem clapped.

“To the cows?”

“Yeah, sure. Just… outside.” Oliver shooed him onto the porch, and Rusty followed, lighting up his cigarette.

The others joined them soon after, and while Oliver took half the group to see the horses first, Gem followed Toni and Jude to the barn, dragging Rusty with him to see the baby pippies. They were small and golden and poofy and so cute Gem wanted to die .

Thankfully, he didn’t. He helped Rusty into the pen, where the pippies swarmed them. Toni and Jude found another pen of animals—baby chickens, Gem heard Jude explain—and Rusty sat down, chittering at the pippies as they proceeded to climb all over him.

Now, Gem was child-free in every sense of the word; he did not have a parental bone in his very large body.

But watching Rusty smile and carefully pet the pippies had his non-existent uterus throbbing.

Was this what his moms felt every time his dad would read Gem and his siblings a story or comfort them after a break-up?

If so, he finally understood why he had sixteen siblings—well, seventeen, now that his ugly as fuck brother had hatched.

He took several pictures, then plopped one of the pippies onto Rusty’s head, right between his ears and took another one. Rusty glared up at him, flipping him off. Then his expression glitched, and he made a gagging noise as he—carefully—removed the pippies and stood.