Page 75 of Love Me Knot, Part One (Knotty Omegas #1)

How did I not see it before? How tightly they kept me chained to them or the house.

How hard they made finding friends or people to confide in.

No fucking wonder it took me eight years to leave.

They made sure every exit was closed, and that I was too scared to be fully transparent with the few friends I had in case they didn’t believe me. “Fuck, you’re right.”

“I’m sorry, little muse.”

“No, this is good. I didn’t realize what they’d done. Now, I know it’s not my fault.”

In my weakest moments, the ones where everything I’ve done wrong creeps into my head, doubt whispers that I’ll fuck up this pack like I ruined the last. That I’m a waste of time and space. But I’m not.

The Parkers kept me sheltered and hidden because if I’d been able to see the world for what it was, I would’ve understood that they were horrible alphas. Terrible men. And maybe, I’d have left sooner. So, they did whatever it took to trap me in their stifling, small life.

“It wasn’t my fault.” I swear, the moon brightens, bathing me in a glow that feels like rebirth.

“It was never your fault.” Dez holds me tighter, earnest and steadfast and all mine. This is an alpha who would rather cut himself to ribbons than keep me locked away. Who wants to celebrate every little thing I do like it’s a revelation.

My heart races as I realize just how different life could be with him at my side. How much joy there is. “Ask me again.”

He dips my head back so he can see my face. “Daphne Barnes, will you be my date to my next art show? I want everyone to see that I’ve claimed the most perfect omega as mine.”

Fuck him for making it so easy to fall and also, thank god.

“Yes.” I can’t help the grin sweeping my face and I don’t want to.

Dez smiles, too, brushing his fingers over my face, my arms, my legs. “It may just be us, not the whole pack.”

“Why would I care about that?” Alone or with the others, I just want Dez.

This time, he’s the one looking unsure. He seems to debate internally for a long time. “I want to tell you about something, but it involves another omega. Do you want to do it now, or wait?”

I stiffen, almost pulling away before I catch myself. I’ve been preparing for this moment since Connor’s apology. Not that it matters. Nothing will change my opinion that this wonderful, handsome, talented and incredibly kind human is mine. “Tell me now, if you’re ready.”

Dez holds me tighter, sucking in deep breaths of my scent to ground himself. “How much has Connor told you about Shelby?”

I fucking hate that name. If I could carve it out of my mates’ mouths, I would. “High school sweethearts, married and divorced. Scent-sympathetic. He said she…”

“Didn’t want me.” The burn of it obviously still stings so many years later. “Connor wasn’t the only one scent-sympathetic with her.”

I try not to flinch, knowing it’s unfair to react that way when I had my own scent matches before. And to be honest, I knew it was coming. Nate mentioned he wasn’t a match, but Dez has been quiet about the whole situation.

I can’t imagine being with a scent match who denied me.

Then again, maybe I can.

He looks out at the trees, and I let him keep that mental distance. “Shelby was spoiled by her parents and Connor alike. I admit, I joined in on it. Here was this pretty omega who was going to be mine one day. Of course I’d treat her well.

“When she said she wasn’t ready to be intimate with both of us, I understood.

We were young, and she needed time. No problem.

For years, it seemed like Shelby was going to claim me, too.

We lived together and went out on dates, but I was never allowed to enter her nest. Never asked to help with heats.

I had to sit outside the door while Connor struggled alone. ”

Jesus. Packs became the norm due to an unexpected birth decline of omegas, with us outnumbered by alphas and betas nearly four to one. Taking care of an omega alone is a gargantuan feat, one that few alphas can manage. Something tells me Connor wasn’t one of them.

“It was hell,” Dez admits. “The longer it went, the worse things got until the dates slowed, then stopped. Our group chat withered and died. Eventually, Shelby and I were ghosts haunting the same house without a single interaction between us. I thought it was my fault.”

Empathy bleeds between us, my heart scored and raw for this sweet alpha. “Why didn’t you date outside the pack?”

“She made it clear that anyone else would not be tolerated. Connor and I agreed because we assumed she’d get comfortable with me eventually.”

But she didn’t. “What about when it was over? During the heat, you mentioned you hadn’t dated in years. Why not?”

“We signed up for heat helping at Revelry, but when I went in with Connor for orientation, it didn’t go well. I decided not to push again. Thinking about searching for our match without my pack didn’t feel right.”

My heart breaks at the loneliness coating every word, a feeling I know so intimately and wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially not this incredible man.

Dez sighs. “Connor struggled under the weight of Shelby’s expectations. We were building Morgan’s Restoration and often staggered home in the early morning, only for her to immediately grab him and disappear into the nest. He was exhausted constantly with no time to recharge.”

“He mentioned they divorced after she admitted she was only interested in him.”

His laugh is bitter. “That’s putting it lightly.

Their final fight was cataclysmic, with him kicking her out of the house and refusing to speak to her again.

Shelby’s betrayal was a monumental blow for Connor.

He’d tried so hard to make this pack work, to create a life for all of us, and the loss of it was devastating. ”

“And you?” I ask, because I see what he’s doing. Focusing on Connor so he doesn’t have to think about his feelings. But I want them, messy as they may be.

“It was surreal. Two weeks before, we’d been talking about Nate moving into the house and our future kids. When everything blew up, it felt like a dream. Something so far out of reality that it didn’t make sense.”

The world blurs as I try to hold my tears because I know that heartache intimately. “You loved her.”

Instead of agreeing right away, Dez thinks it over. “I think I loved the idea of her more than Shelby herself. I wanted someone to cherish so bad that I put all my energy into a partner who didn’t want it and definitely didn’t deserve it. Now I’m glad it happened.”

God, this alpha. This beautiful, intelligent man. He’s saying it was all worth it because we found each other.

I offer my agreement with every press of our mouths. “We’re a lot alike, you know.”

“How so?”

I’ve thought about telling Pack Morgan about my past since that awful fucking dinner and while Nate’s learned a lot, I wasn’t ready to tell them all. But I think Dez will get it on a deeper level than the others could.

He knows what it’s like to be there but not be chosen. To be seen but not wanted. We have the same wounds, same scars, same healing, if we’re lucky.

“My former pack’s parents were business partners with mine,” I start. “They’d been discussing a merger for years and when my tests came back as omega, they decided I’d bond their sons’ pack as a way to cement the business merger. I was fifteen.”

“Holy shit, they sold you?”

The truth is far more complex than just saying I was sold.

My former in-laws bought an omega for their sons and a breeder for the family from a good pedigree.

I was property with a hefty price tag. A broodmare, not a fucking person.

When I think about it that way, it makes sense that my exes treated me so badly. They felt entitled to.

“Children are married off to better business dealings in that circle all the time.” I kiss the underside of Dez’s tense jaw, fingers stroking along his arm with a purr. It’s stilted and quiet, but it’s there.

My alpha leans into me, following the sound with a soft rumble of his own. “That doesn’t make it right.”

“I know that now.” I pause, staring out at the city and picking at my sweats. “My pack wasn’t good to me. They left me alone a lot. Promised me a bond and a baby, but neither ever came.”

It feels like the worst secret. A pack had me for that long and refused to bite or breed me, even when I begged. My heart feels raw at the confession and when I try and fail to tell him the rest, Dez clutches me closer. “It’s enough, Daph. You don’t have to say anything else.”

I want to, I really do, but I just can’t. Can’t open the most painful wounds, knowing it could cost me everything.

We have time, I promise myself. One day, this pack will know everything, and they’ll love me for all of it.

“Why did you stay, little muse?” When I tense, Dez brushes his lips along my hair. “I’m not judging, I just want to understand.”

“There was a contract. Pretty sure it wasn’t legal, but it said if I left early, I had to pay. My parents threatened to disown me if I went through with it and that’s exactly what happened.”

“Nate said they were both at the courthouse.”

“They’ve been flying out for the dissolution. Lying on the stand about my abuse, about me bringing things to their attention. Everything. They told the judge that I decided not to bond or have a baby because my alphas were too busy, but I was just agreeing with them because I didn’t want to fight.”

Dez hauls me into his lap, surrounding me with his arms and that perfect scent. “Your biological family sounds like a bag of dicks.”

“They are.” I laugh, leaning into him more.

“They don’t deserve you. Not a single one of them.”

“They didn’t deserve either of us.”

He hums his agreement. “You’re not going into court alone again.”

Chills cover me at the idea of putting Dez and Pack Parker in the same room. Not because my alpha can’t defend himself, but because I know my exes. They’ll take his existence out on me, and I’m already struggling to survive under the weight of their attention. “You don’t need to do that?—”

Dez wraps a gentle hand around my jaw, still my words without trying. “Never again, little muse.” His growl makes me shiver, head tilting to show him my throat. He takes the offering, sucking marks along the skin.

When he lets me go, I feel warm and fuzzy inside. Not just from the physical attention, but because I know Dez means everything he says. “Yes, Alpha.”

“Fuck, you can’t say that to me right now,” he groans.

“No? How about this?” I twist, straddling his lap and pulling his face to mine. The kiss steals my pain, morphing it into something sweet. Our scents, which have been dancing around us in a cloud of turmoil disappear under the heavy scent of desire.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” Dez whispers, hands roving my skin. “Tell me I can have you.”

I want this courtship to go right so badly, it feels like a portend of doom.

Like wishing too hard is a surefire way to get the opposite of what I desire and I fucking desire Pack Morgan.

I love the way they lavish attention on me, how they anticipate my needs before I do, how they’ve centered their world around me, even as I told them not to.

I can’t imagine walking away now. Not when it’s so obvious that this is how things were supposed to be from the beginning.

Dez knows it, too. He presses gentle nips and drugging kisses on my lips, pulling me close until I’m nearly panting in his lap.

“Come on, little muse. Give me what I want.”

Me. He wants me.

“Only if I can have you, too.”

Dez’s smile flashes. “You’ve had me from the moment we met.”

“Then the next time you want your omega, I better come home to a naked alpha in my nest.”

Those brown eyes burn, soft kisses turning heated as he shows me how much he likes that idea. Every touch amps me up more our hips grind, breaths fogging the late night air between us.

“Take me home, Dez. I want to make the nest smell like us.”

“Please.” He sounds tortured beneath me, cock hard and rubbing just where I need. I’m so ready to have it inside me again that I nearly pull it out, but the next time I want his body in my sheets, his scent in my room.

“Home. Now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

We make quick work of the trash, stopping randomly for a kiss or a touch or a too long grind before stumbling into the car. The moment I’m in my seat, I drop my sweats to my knees until I’m dripping slick across the leather.

“Fuck me,” Dez groans, leaning into the car and watching as my hand slips between my thighs.

“I can’t wait,” I whine, tracing my clit with a groan. “Get in and drive.”

“With pleasure.” He races around the hood, sliding into the seat and pulling out fast. Once we’re on the main road, he palms my thigh, spreading it so he can feel everything for himself. “That’s right, little muse. Drench the seat for me. I want to smell you everywhere I go.”

“Hurry up.”

“We’ll be home soon,” he soothes, stroking my flesh with sure, damning touches. “Hope you’re not tired because I’ve got plans for you.”