Page 27 of Love Me Knot, Part One (Knotty Omegas #1)

DAPHNE

I missed something. None of the guys are looking at each other. The second I opened my mouth, theirs clammed shut and now there’s this awkward tension between us.

Do they regret it? Are they sick of being around me? Should I leave?

Before I crawl out of my skin, Nate kisses down my arm. I try to stay strong, but this alpha was the most eager during my heat, giving me everything I needed without question. It’s hard to fight the urge to melt into him.

“We were talking about getting you in the shower finally,” he teases, squeezing when my fingers tangle with his a little too tight. “Dez and I will sort the nest and a change of clothes for everyone while you and Connor get clean.”

The alpha in question tenses, peeling away to sit up on the mattress while I whine. “No shower.”

Dez presses a finger to my stomach, wincing when he has to scrape at cum stuck there. “You need it, Daph.”

“But your scents.” When I’m wearing them, I don’t feel so alone.

Connor clears his throat. “They have unscented soap. It’ll get you clean without getting rid of the scent marks.”

“That might be okay. Are you showering with me?” I ask.

“No.”

Oof. My chest stings at the quick rejection and Connor’s relief.

Despite the thick haze of sex and scent, nothing can mask the stress wafting off the Pack Morgan lead.

Days of coming together, brought down my barriers.

Allowing me to let these men in little by little.

Feeling like this was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Yet, Connor looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

Maybe it’s the post-heat hormones, but I need to know he still wants me. That this whole heat wasn’t transactional. I mean, it was, but also…I thought there was something between us. A connection that scares as much as it thrills. Something that feels so much more than I ever expected.

“Can you come in with me, Connor? Please?”

He stares at his hands, the heated floors, the mess in the kitchen we haven’t had time to clean. Anything but me. “Not this time.”

“I just want?—”

“Enough, Daphne.” Connor sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose, and I freeze.

Heart, body and soul—stilled.

Anytime I asked my exes something, it was met with the same expression, the same frustration.

I’m too busy to hug you right now.

Can we talk about this later? The game is on.

Date night isn’t more important than a client meeting.

Why the hell would I shower with you after fucking you for days? That’s such an inconvenience.

That’s all I’ve ever been to the men in my life. I don’t know why I thought this pack would be different.

“Never mind, it’s fine.” Rejection is a visceral, aching thing threatening to swallow me whole, but I push it back. That’s for later Daphne to deal with.

Connor peers at me, brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

“Yep. In fact, I’ll go now.” The words nearly trip out of my mouth as I squirrel my way out of a tangle of limbs, hoping the room’s smell masks how fucking worthless I feel.

“Hey, wait. Let me start the water or—” Connor reaches for me, and my skin literally crawls at the idea of letting his hand connect.

“I’m good,” I shout, practically running away while my mind screams don’t let him touch you!

The door closes, but I’m not sure if I feel better or worse now that I’m alone.

The bathroom’s prettier than I expected from the hazy recollections of my forced cleanings.

Battery-powered candles give the room some glow without burning sensitive eyes.

The large claw-foot bathtub looks divine, but I don’t have the energy to haul myself out later.

The shower’s too big for a lone omega, but it’ll have to do.

The water relaxes me as I scrub with specialty omega body wash specially designed to heal any bruising or cuts. Marathon sex is messy and dangerous, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Even so, I’d do it again.

Despite Connor’s attitude putting a damper on my afterglow, I’ve never felt so shiny. Is this what you’re supposed to feel after a heat? Bubbly and bright and so fucking happy.

And the whole thing only lasted four days.

When I was with Pack Parker, there were lots of conversations about me not getting enough pheromones or that maybe three alphas weren’t enough, but I see now what the problem was.

My exes didn’t give me enough attention.

It was put Tab A in Slot B and proceed to orgasm.

They constantly went out of their way to belittle my needs and instincts. I was never settled. Never satiated.

Pack Morgan couldn’t be more different.

Even now, it’s almost overwhelming how much I crave these men, but if Connor’s anything to go off, I need to let it go. This agreement came with a deadline we’re quickly approaching. Heat only, no extensions.

A quiet knock interrupts my thoughts, something about the hesitancy telling me exactly who it is.

“Come in.”

Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. Please go away. Please.

The door creaks open, cold air rushing into the steam and I shiver. The shower’s enclosed in fancy tech glass that can go opaque. Since I didn’t do that, Connor gets a full view of my wet, naked body.

Jeans and a loose t-shirt cover most of his tattoos, except the compass rose across one forearm and two black bands ringing the other. He looks delicious and distant as he averts his eyes. “I brought you warm towels.”

I wait for him to say something else, to look at me, but he doesn’t.

“Leave them on the counter, please.” I give Connor my back and start deep conditioning my hair. Someone grabbed a few things for it, including the type of brush I usually use, so I won’t have to wait until I’m home to deal with the rat’s nest. “Thanks for the hair stuff.”

“Sure. Need help?”

“It’s better if I do it myself.” Truthfully, I’m too exhausted for more than detangling, but I’ve learned that people without curly hair don’t know what to do with it. Besides, I still don’t want him to touch me.

I feel Connor watching me, goosebumps littering my skin despite the hot water. Finally, he breaks the silence. “And you’re…okay?”

No. “Fine. You?”

“Fine.”

Look at what a pair we are. A duet of liars in this pretty little bathroom. Fine, but not fine. Together, but so far apart.

My chest cracks and this hollow space opens up, filling with air and things I wish I could say. It’s as familiar to me as breathing because for years, this is how I lived. Wanting someone who didn’t want me back. Begging someone who couldn’t care less.

I can’t do this again.

“You can go. I’ll be out in a second.”

If Connor hears the threat of tears in my voice, he says nothing. Just shuffles toward the door and shuts it behind him.

The loss hits immediately, and I let myself wonder what it’s going to be like when I’m home alone later. That cozy bedroom I’ve claimed as mine won’t feel right without them, but I’ll have to deal.

For one minute, I let myself cry about the situation, blaming post-heat bullshit the entire time. There’s no other reason I’d be upset over an alpha leaving me alone when I clearly wanted him to stay. Or his brothers being so wonderful when I obviously can’t keep them.

Nope, it’s hormones. Gotta be.

Eventually, I’m at risk of turning into a raisin for life, so I wash off, happy to still smell the pack on me. Connor was right about the bath products. Wonder if he was the one to bathe me before.

Stop thinking about him.

I reach for the towel, only to startle when I find an alpha leaning against the wall beside the rack.

A scream echoes in the empty space and my slick feet disappear from under me.

Before I can hit the floor and really cement this as the worst end to a heat ever, Connor’s there.

Arms behind my back, carefully keeping me upright.

I’ve soaked his clothes, but he doesn’t step back until he’s sure I’m stable. “You okay?”

His voice rumbles through me and I try to ignore how everything tightens because of it. “I think I’d prefer you let me die. The embarrassment would’ve been someone else’s problem.”

Eye crinkled, wearing the world’s smallest smile, Con helps me onto the bathmat with careful hands. I don’t understand what’s going on. This man practically bolted at the idea of showering with me, only to take up a post at the door. Makes no fucking sense.

Neither does when he looks me in the eye and asks, “Can I stay?”

I see the question for what it is. An offhand acknowledgement of the hurt he’s caused. Weirdly, it makes me feel better to know it’s not just me.

“Sure.”

We don’t mention the crying as dries me off, wrapping a fresh towel around my body while he slathers lotion on my dehydrated skin. My curls drip across my shoulder since I didn’t bring anything to plop them with, but I don’t mind.

Except Connor strips off his tee and hands it to me.

When all I do is blink, he points to his head awkwardly. “For your hair.”

“You want me to use your shirt for my curls?”

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? The website I read said so.” There’s a ruddiness across Connor’s cheeks and oh my god. How is this aloof alpha blushing right now and why do I want to make him do it again?

“It’s perfect.” A fraction of the ease we had in the heat comes back as we smile at each other. “Thank you, alpha.”

Just like that, whatever friendliness was there is stolen away with a slip of my tongue. Connor’s eyes widen, breath picking up as he backs for the door. “I’ll let you get ready.”

He gives me a wave that’s more suited to passing a neighbor, before slamming the door behind him.

I’m alone again. Always alone.

And I can admit, things feel different now that he’s gone. Like he stole some of the warmth when he left.

Ten minutes of berating myself later, I tighten the bath sheet and head into the bedroom, only to stop dead at the door. Something’s not right.

My heart races. It smells like us, but not nearly strong enough.