Page 41 of Love Me Knot, Part One (Knotty Omegas #1)

CONNOR

My pack’s anger reverberates through my body every second of the day. Nate hasn’t been home since our dinner, content to stay next door until Daphne kicks him out. The one time I tried to talk, he flat out told me until I fixed things with her, I was free to leave him the fuck alone.

Dez is speaking to me, but it’s surface level stuff since he told me off after Daphne left.

The door slams shut, and Dez turns to me with more disappointment than I’ve ever seen on someone’s face. His tense body sways. He wants to go to Daphne. Wants to be with her like Nate is. I hate that I do, too.

“That was fucked, Connor. You owe her an apology.”

“I know.” My gut rolls in time with my throbbing cheek, guilt threatening to take me to my knees. My brain tells me I did the right thing, but my heart’s desperate to find Daphne and make this right.

“Do you?” Dez counters. “Because I’ve noticed how you are with Daph, and I guarantee she has too.”

“What are you even talking about?” I didn’t fight them when they asked to court her. I was polite, despite the fact that I’m not interested in an omega, even one that smells like her.

“Don’t play dumb.”

My frustration’s already too high and I snap. “What the hell do you want from me, Dez? I said it was fine if you court her.”

He doesn’t flinch at my tone. If anything, he pulls up taller. Ready to fight if he has to. “I want you to figure your shit out and realize that you’re throwing away a good thing for a past that’s long gone.”

Fucks’ sake. “How many times do I have to go through this? I don’t want Shelby.” I growl out every word as if he needs the reminder.

“Maybe not, but you’re still letting her control your life.”

“How? I haven’t spoken to her in years.”

“I’m not talking about out here.” Dez waves a hand around us, then taps one strong finger to my temple. “I mean up here. You’ve always let her rule your thoughts and apparently, that hasn’t changed.”

“That’s unfair.”

“No, what’s unfair is damn near screaming at a woman because she has the audacity to leave her shitty exes.

For not telling you they haven’t signed the paperwork, which is out of her fucking control.

You saw a woman not sharing her trauma on day one as a red flag and ran straight toward it, Connor. ”

“She lied.”

I’m grasping at straws, trying to maintain the whole fucking reason I got upset, but the more I do, the more I realize it was a mistake. I knew it before Daphne left, and I’ve known it ever since.

Dez looks so disappointed, I almost wish the floor would swallow me whole, if only to get away from him. “If anyone’s a liar, it’s you, Con.”

Then he walks away, leaving me with an empty house and a heart full of regret.

For two days, he’s has spent every waking moment in his temporary garage studio. Away from me.

I thought my pack was fractured before, but a week in our lives and the cracks I caused with Daphne are turning to trenches. Canyons I’m not sure we can cross to get back to each other even if we wanted to.

I haven’t seen or heard from her. That’s my fault too.

After my text yesterday, I let it be. Told myself that I was putting the ball in her court, but really, I didn’t want to face the consequences of my actions. Still don’t.

I can’t get that look out of my head. The way she shut down like there was no light in her. No life. I did that. I took this beautiful, vibrant woman, and I made her feel so bad she disappeared right in front of me.

What’s worse, I’m scared to apologize because I don’t want to hear her rip my brothers’ futures away because of me. Some leader I am.

Unwilling to spend time in an empty house, I’ve taken to sneaking over to Pack Cole’s.

Playing until my whole body’s sore, and I’m too exhausted to do anything but fall into a dreamless sleep.

Drumming is a release I crave more and more.

A safe space to let my frustrations out where they can’t hurt anyone else.

Today’s no different. I’m in the zone, foot tapping the pedal as I wind toward the bridge of a song we perform regularly. Sweat drips down my neck and the tension builds and builds.

Finally, fucking finally, it breaks…right as my phone goes off.

The vibration shakes my concentration, and I miss the downbeat.

“Motherfucker.” I throw my sticks, even as I grab the fucking thing off the counter. I hate admitting it, but work is a guilty relief. I don’t have time to worry about Daphne if I’m too inundated with texts and calls to breathe.

After another email to the vinyl manufacturer, I can’t get back into the groove. My instincts are restless, pulling me toward the duplex and my pack, even if I’m the last person any of them want to see right now.

That’s where he finds me, sitting in the dark.

Winter’s in his customary suit, though his tie’s off-kilter like he loosened it on the way here. Despite being a weekend, he spent the entire day at work. You wanted to talk?”

“I’ve got a bit of a problem, and I think you’re the only one who can help.

” Swallowing thickly, I rotate the drum stick around my fingers, letting the motion distract my body while my mind races.

The man never takes a break. Never dates or sleeps around.

Never wants an omega. He’s the perfect person to discuss things with.

Hence me texting him at the ass-crack of dawn this morning to get onto his packed schedule.

Sighing wearily, Win waves me into the house. “My office.”

We walk through the renovated Victorian, and I see all the touches they’ve added. Pictures here and there, art on the walls, Kota’s plants on every surface. It feels like home in a way our pack house never has. A way I’ve craved for so long, even if I never admitted it.

Win’s office is warm and cozy. Bookshelves cover an entire wall and there’s this sprawling couch that looks like the perfect place to nap. A table in the corner has a puzzle spread out on top, Win’s version of quiet relaxation. I envy him the opportunity for peace.

He sets his briefcase down, silences his phone, and sits in one of the armchairs. “Tell me.”

Before I can, the door shoves open and a sleepy Jace walks in. “Sorry I’m late.”

My closest friend outside my pack, Jace and I go way back.

His golden hair trails messily around his ears and the collar of his t-shirt.

Sweats cover his lean build, muscled through boxing and the cardio he does for performances.

Even at home, he wears rings on most fingers, matching his nose hoop.

He looks like an exhausted, anxious rockstar.

Win stares at his packmate with disapproval. “I wasn’t aware you were going to be here for this.”

“Connor’s my friend. Of course, I’m going to be here to support him. Especially since he’s been going at it nonstop in the garage for days.” They have a silent battle of wills before Jace drops onto the couch at my side, smug as fuck. “Go on, Con. Tell us what’s up.”

“We found our omega.”

Jace is suddenly very awake. “Holy shit.”

I explain in stilted words, from Diamond’s to the failed dinner. Recounting the argument hurts, but I do it anyway.

When I’m done, Jace is laughing. “Only Nate would lose his virginity like that. Has he gone full stalker yet?”

“Considering he hasn’t been home, I’d say yes.”

“I’ll look out for the arrest.” Win taps fingers against his arms, eyes wandering the walls behind me. “Is her former pack going to be an issue? Does she need help?”

Guilt makes my heart skip. The first thing he asks is if Daphne needs help. The first thing I did was rip her apart. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

Winter’s eyes narrow “Have you changed your mind about having an omega?”

“Maybe? I think I was going to try with Daphne, but then…”

“You showed your ass,” Jace offers.

“Yeah.” Christ, I hate this.

Win stares for a long time before breaking away. “Considering your divorce, I understand your initial reaction, but I have to say I’m surprised. Seems like Daphne’s dealing with the same thing you did and yet, instead of offering her comfort and support, you treated her like the she wronged you.”

Winter: 1. Me: 0.

Jace squeezes the bridge of his nose. “You’re supposed to help, not make things worse.”

“I’m the only one in this room who isn’t likely to have an omega of my own.

We all know Connor’s not the type to be alone forever.

” Win cuts a look my way, stilling any protest I may’ve voiced.

“I am not and never have been interested in keeping someone, let alone someone who will disrupt my entire life. Someone who wants every moment of my time and affection. I’m far too busy for that and we all know my priorities will never change.

Why choose me to give the pep talk of the year if you expect me to hold his hand through it? ”

Because hearing him talk about Daphne like she’s an inconvenience pisses me off. Even if on some level, I’ve felt similarly.

Every time my phone went off, I wondered if we’d made a mistake helping her.

If inviting chaos into our lives right now was a bad idea.

Then I finished it by making her feel like I didn’t trust her because I couldn’t give her the space to come to us with her problems after less than a week of knowing each other.

I really am a Grade-A prick.

Daphne deserves better than me. She deserves better, period.

“I want to make this right, but…” How do I put into words how badly my last attempt at forever scarred me? How do I explain I can’t jump into this without a parachute?

“I understand. Ensuring your pack’s protection should ease some of your fears.” Winter’s lip barely tips into a smirk before he pulls a legal pad out of the table beside him. “Let’s talk details. Are you officially courting?”

“Dez and Nate offered, but Daph said she needs time.” I can’t imagine why.

“Where does she live currently?”

“The other half of our duplex.”

“You moved?”

“The day after her heat ended.”

Win’s pen stops, hovering in midair. “Why the hell would you do that?”