Page 57 of Longing for Liberty

FORTY-SIX

STATE NEWS: CITIZENS LAMENT BYGONE DAYS OF SUFFERING IN POVERTY!

The very next day, I sat primly on Amos’s couch with my black roller bag at my side, stuffed and ready. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. I hadn’t slept at all last night. Amos had been true to his word and began immediately making calls. He came to me throughout the day with updates.

He had no clue my kids were still alive, of course.

Jeremy and I had made up the D.C. story for several reasons.

Somehow, we’d known that if the leadership found out we had family and children in another country, they wouldn’t trust us.

Who wouldn’t do everything in their power to get back to their kids?

Who wouldn’t be pissed off every single day of their forced separation?

And now? I shivered, still in disbelief. Amos was taking us right to them. I didn’t have a clear plan yet, but I would come up with something, because dead or alive, I wasn’t leaving Italy.

I would have to travel by bus. Amos pointed out the route on a map of the State.

I needed to get to the northeastern area of Community Three, which I’d clocked on the map as Virginia.

From there, I would take a boat up to Canada.

From Canada, I would fly. Amos would be going south to Mexico.

He was booked at a resort for one week under a pseudonym, but once he got to Mexico, he would fly to Italy.

The Secretary of Arms could not be seen traveling with a woman who wasn’t his wife, and a woman could not travel alone.

So Amos gave me the best news—Jeremy would have to escort me.

On the downside, one of Amos’s trusted Forcemen would accompany us as a guard, meaning he would be watching us closely.

Amos had gone back and forth trying to decide what to do with Jeremy once we got to Canada.

I pretended to be disinterested all day as I eavesdropped on conversations.

It was clear that Amos only trusted this one man to guard us.

He admitted to me that everyone else would be loyal to Roan, and what we were doing was not approved.

He wanted to leave Jeremy and the guard in Canada, but he didn’t want me being alone at any point.

I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t trust me not to “escape,” or if he thought I’d somehow get lost. Either way didn’t matter to me because he ultimately decided that I would fly with Jeremy and the guard.

Once we got to Italy, Amos and I would meet up somewhere and go to a house in Tuscany while Jeremy and the guard stayed at a hotel in the city.

Every part of me felt abuzz.

I had failed two nights ago in the worst possible way.

Every time I thought of it, I was filled with a deep regret that dug down into me like a rotted cavity.

Because it wasn’t just a fail; it was a turn of the tables, as if Roan had known I was scheming something and made the first move.

I wouldn’t let myself think about what had happened to me.

It was too much. I locked it away, knowing when I finally let myself deal with that trauma, it would be…

a lot. For now, my focus was Italy. To be in the same place as my children?—

Oh, God.

My chest fluttered.

My babies. My mom.

I felt guilt now for a whole different set of reasons.

Tricking Amos into taking me to Italy felt selfish, like I was turning my back on the resistance.

But I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that having Amos away from the State, in another country without his State Force behind him…

this could open a new set of possibilities.

Last night, after all of the plans were made, and I forced myself to eat a few bites of the dinner Amos had delivered, I asked him if it would be safe to travel to Europe.

When he’d looked at me quizically, I added, “Because of the war and things still going on.” I had zero idea how much of the news was true.

“Oh, yes,” he said, shaking his head. “We’re not going near any of those skirmishes.” Something about the way he hadn’t known what I meant and the way he answered set off my lie-detector. Was the rest of the world, possibly, not fighting like we were constantly told?

I needed to clear my mind and talk to Kathy. I’d spent all day anticipating our conversation and hoping she could warn Jeremy. “I think I’ll take my walk now.”

He’d looked taken aback. “Are you sure? You’re not…hurting?”

I was hurting in so many ways, but I managed a small smile.

“I am a little, but I want to get back to normal and be healthy for our trip.” I went up on my toes and kissed him, forcing myself not to pull away as quickly as I wanted. “Thank you for this.”

He held my waist and pressed his lips to mine again. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

You don’t have me. You’ll never have me.

I smiled. His eyes drifted down to my throat, and he motioned to it with his hand. “You may want to…cover…”

“Oh.” I touched the spot where he was looking, and went to get one of my light, sheer scarves.

I’d barely glanced at a mirror since the party, but my lower throat was ugly.

My mind may not have been able to remember that night, but my body did.

Amos gave my outfit a nod when I came out, but I saw the guilt still present in his eyes.

Good.

At the maid’s office, I was surprised to see Kathy there on a Sunday, but also so relieved.

“Don’t you get a day off?” I asked from the doorway.

She froze when she saw me, and I wanted to cry because she looked disappointed and then relieved, her shoulders falling. Then her eyes went to my throat and stayed there a beat too long before looking away. I reached up and adjusted the scarf. I wished she hadn’t seen it.

“There are weekend maids too, you know,” she said, placing a folded towel on a rack. “But it’s time for me to leave today.”

My heart skipped. I could tell Kathy everything, and maybe she could get a message to Jeremy so he could mentally prepare.

We took our walk, and I gave her the sobering news of the party.

“You don’t recall anything after the drink?”

“No.”

She was quiet for a long moment. I kind of hoped she wouldn’t say anything too kind because I might start crying all over again.

“I’m fine,” I said, quickly moving on. “And there’s more.”

I told her about the details for Italy the next day.

Kathy didn’t do or say anything, but I felt a surge come off her as she walked slowly and raised her head, her eyes unfocused.

“Your kids are?—?”

“Yes.”

She touched her lips, lost in thought. “Lib. The Three are wanted all around the world for war crimes.”

My heart skipped, and my brain began to jog, then run, then sprint. “I didn’t know that.”

“Only one guard, you’re sure?”

I nodded. “Mm-hm.”

Kathy let out a low laugh worthy of a bog witch before she schooled herself and shook her head.

“I hate what happened to you,” she said. “But it’s not your fault, and you can’t think of it as a failure. Plans have simply changed. I think you already know that though.”

Kathy and I angled our heads to look at each other, and we smiled.

* * *

I stood at the bus depot with my suitcase, wearing a navy skirt suit with a light cream sweater that had a high neck to cover the yellowish-gray bruising.

Amos’s driver had dropped me off moments before, and we’d shared a long kiss that made me want to puke again.

I’d been so relieved to get out and watch them drive away.

But I was nervous to see Jeremy. Crazy, right?

My husband of twelve years. Before Amos ordered me to stay with him, I’d never gone a single day without speaking to Jeremy.

After weeks apart, what would it feel like?

Would he be arriving on the neighborhood bus?

I looked all around the station, surprised at the number of people traveling.

Most were wearing business clothes like me, which made them OM.

Some of the OM had workers in drab clothing accompanying them. I spotted two maid-helpers.

A dark sedan pulled up to the curb, one of the official OM vehicles. My heart gave a start as I watched the back door open and a State Force trooper climbed out, followed by a long-limbed man with soft brown eyes.

A tiny whimper escaped me, and I pressed my lips together, standing taller. We met eyes, and I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. I watched as a series of emotions played out across his face.

Sheer joy switched to apprehension. Then alertness as his eyes scanned the area. Back to me with protectiveness.

This man was my home. My safe place.

“Liberty Carson?” The forceman lifted the badge from around my neck and studied it.

“Yes, sir,” I told him.

“Do you have your paperwork and tickets?”

“Yes, sir.” I held them up.

He nodded and motioned for me to move. I kept my gaze lowered as we made our way down the platform, but I could feel Jeremy behind me, looking me over.

What did he think? Seeing me dressed like one of them, my hair and makeup over-the-top, did he think I’d changed?

The thought made me feel like I’d swallowed something bitter.

I couldn’t worry about that.

We climbed aboard a travel bus, which was luxurious compared to the school bus that had brought us from Maryland to Texas years ago. I felt the ghost of stiffness, fear, and loss when I thought of that nightmare trip.

The forceman pointed to an open row. “You’ll sit together, but no talking.”

I got to sit next to Jeremy!

I took the window, and he slid in beside me, leaving a couple of inches between us. His natural scent hit me, and I held back my natural response to touch him. Our guard, whose name I still didn’t know, sat in the aisle seat beside us. Ten minutes later, the bus pulled out of the station.

It hit me then. This was really happening. We were going to Italy.

I lay my head back and closed my eyes, trying to get a hold of myself.

Thankfully, Jeremy was blocking me from the guard, so when tears trailed down my face and I discreetly wiped them away, he didn’t seem to notice.

But Jeremy, ever so slightly, pressed the side of his bicep into my arm, while keeping his hands still in his lap, and the touch was so calming, so reassuring, that I cried all over again.

This time, I turned my face toward the window until my eyes dried.

Hours passed. The men played different games on their phones. Yes, even the guard. I mostly stared out of the window, morbidly fascinated by what used to be America’s landscape. How much time and money had they put into demolition? Strip malls. Movie theaters. Bookstores. All gone.

On every corner were piles of former buildings and businesses, some of them blackened from being burned down.

These were all on the outskirts of neighborhoods, farmlands, and industrial centers.

Anything that wasn’t directly being used for housing or work was torn down.

I suppose it was smart of them to get rid of places that might be secretly used by runaways or resistance members.

These areas could be remade as the populations grew again, but right now it just looked like a war zone.

I thought about all of this and what might happen in Italy as the hours passed.

Finally, the guard got up to use the bathroom at the back of the bus. He eyed us both.

“You.” He pointed to Jeremy. “Move to my seat. Don’t try anything. The bus driver has been alerted to keep an eye out if I have to get up.”

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy said crisply, and it was the first time I’d heard his voice in so long. The mountain twang sent a sensation over me like I was walking up a hill of lavender. The guard didn’t move until Jeremy was in the other row, seated.

Jeremy craned his neck after a minute to see if the guard was gone. And then he looked straight forward toward the bus driver, who had his eyes firmly on the road.

My husband then looked at me, and our eyes crashed, holding strong as if we could swallow each other whole, just by looking.

“Do you know where we’re going?” he whispered.

I took in his set jaw and laser-focused eyes.

“You didn’t get the message?”

“What message?” he whispered.

I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly when I said, “We’re going to Italy.”

“What?” He blurted the word and then glanced around. “Why?”

“It’s a gift trip for me,” I quickly explained. “I don’t have time to tell you everything, but you had to come with me because I can’t travel alone as a woman. He doesn’t know what’s there, obviously. And I don’t have a plan…yet.”

I watched with joy in my heart as his entire face morphed. He grasped his forehead and smiled, looking up at the ceiling and letting out a breath of joy.

I faced forward and spoke low, glad nobody sat in front of us. I spoke quickly, knowing the forceman would be back any second. “You’re going to stay in a hotel with the guard while I meet Fitzhugh at some house. We need to brainstorm.”

We both went rigid at the sound of the bathroom door opening. I heard Jeremy murmur under his breath, “Holy shit.”

Yep.

“Move.” The guard waved his hand at Jeremy, who moved back over next to me.

A quick glance down at his hands showed me they were trembling.

He clasped them together and fidgeted; I imagined he was trying to come to terms with the shock of what he’d just learned.

It was hard to brainstorm when we didn’t know what awaited us in Italy.

If the three of us were flying commercial, the guard wouldn’t be allowed to take a weapon.

What if we overpowered him when we got there and called for help?

We could tell the police we’d been kidnapped, or airport security that we’d escaped the State.

If Amos thought we were so brainwashed and terrified that we wouldn’t try to fight his one man, he was a fool.

A fool who trusted me and thought he loved me. That might have made me feel bad before, but not anymore. Now, I would use every advantage I had to get back to my babies and overthrow these bastards. I wasn’t going back to the State, no matter what. Neither was Jeremy.

And neither was Amos Fitzhugh.