Page 52 of Longing for Liberty

FORTY-TWO

STATE NEWS: ROAN SEES MESSAGE IN THE STARS: THE STATE WILL REMAIN ISOLATED AGAINST TRAITOROUS FORMER ALLIES

Nervous blood thrummed through my arteries and veins too hard and too quickly as the elevator doors slid open, blasting us with a volume of music I hadn’t expected.

“Touched for the very first time…”

Hearing “Like a Virgin” as we stepped into the darkened room was surreal. A disco ball spun overhead—I didn’t remember that being there last time—sending a sparkle effect through the darkened room and making the dancing people seem…normal. Like a flashback from a different time.

But no part of this was normal.

Roan seemed to apparate from the crowd with a smile, making my insides jump as he approached in his classic look of trousers and starched white shirt.

His collar and three buttons were open, showing the contours of his defined pectorals.

He sipped from his glass and looked me from top to bottom, making Amos pull me closer to his side.

“Fitzy. Fitzy’s lady. Welcome.” He gestured to the room. “I expect full shenanigans, even from you.” He pointed at Amos, who ignored the comment and looked around, his brow creased.

“This is…a lot, Sam.”

It was certainly more people than the last time.

“They deserve to relax,” Roan said. “We’ve worked hard to get where we are. Everyone here has sacrificed.” He glanced at me. “Well, most of us.”

Don’t react.

Don’t react.

Don’t react.

I forced a pleasant expression to lock onto my face as I scanned the crowd of OM men and women. How many original families were there? How many of these people were related? And how exactly had they sacrificed?

It didn’t matter.

There would be an ultimate sacrifice tonight.

My stomach clenched tightly again, and Amos took my hand, saying to Roan, “Well, enjoy.”

“Oh, I will.” He raised his glass, looking me straight in the eye, and I gave him what I hoped was a polite smile and nod before dropping my eyes and letting Amos lead me away.

Over the sound of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean,” I heard Amos’s deep, annoyed sigh.

In the crowded kitchen, he pulled down two wine glasses, but I touched his hand and shook my head.

“No wine?” he asked.

I smiled up at him. “It makes me a little sleepy.”

He gave a nod and poured a healthy serving for himself, looking around as he took a swig and mumbled, “Ridiculous.”

“Is this not normal?” I asked him as he led me away from the crowded kitchen to the more open main room.

Amos shook his head. “Even his small gatherings were frowned upon, as you saw. But now…”

He didn’t need to finish. Now there was nobody to stop him. At least, nobody in the OM.

I peered up at Amos as he continued to look disapprovingly at the crowd.

The pang of disappointment filled me again at his wasted potential.

The only person in his way from changing all of this was Roan, but he wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t challenge his cousin or the bigoted ideas of the OM.

This big, masculine man was just a sheep, not the wolf he imagined himself to be.

I scanned the room for the Vice President. My insides wobbled with nerves, and I felt lightheaded. I just needed the three of them in close proximity. I wouldn’t hesitate. I couldn’t.

I hoped the resistance was ready.

“…kick off your Sunday shoes…” Young men and women danced like crazy in a cluster, arms waving.

I was pretty sure none of them had ever heard real music or been allowed to dance before, outside of those who’d been to these gatherings, because their movements were jerky and unpracticed.

However, their faces were euphoric with the simple joy of moving their bodies freely.

“Are you okay?” Amos asked me, earning him a surprised look. “You’re shaking.”

“Am I?” I gave a breathy laugh. “I guess it’s just, you know, weird. None of this is…allowed. It’s almost overwhelming to hear the music and see people dancing.”

He gave a stiff nod. “I’ll get us out of here soon.”

Oh, no. I didn’t mean to rush him. I put my arm through his and squeezed. “I’ll be okay.”

I needed to calm down.

“Fitz!”

We turned to see Roan waving us toward the hall where I assumed the bedrooms were. My nerves sparked again as Amos walked us over. Roan motioned us down the hall.

Oh my God. Were we going into a room together? Would Walinger be in there too?

I forced myself to try and breathe normally.

You’re fine.

Everything is fine.

Be ready.

When we got to the first door, Roan turned and frowned at Amos. “Another breach.”

Amos stiffened. “Where?”

“Here in C1 at the missile station. And satellites are showing suspicious activity in C5.” Roan opened the door to what appeared to be an office with a laptop open and a State Force man in a video box on the screen. My eyes darted around. No Walinger.

But holy shit. This was the president’s office.

On the wall was a map of the old United States, but areas had been blacked out, and the remaining part was divided into the five communities.

My eyes gobbled up the sight of it. They didn’t even bother to include Alaska and Hawaii anymore.

And it looked like southern, coastal Virginia was now the highest point on the East Coast. Everything above that on the coast was either gone or uninhabitable.

Or they were using it for something else.

Anything was possible. As for the entire West Coast? All blacked out.

Amos went straight to the computer and sat. Before they could even begin conversing, Roan’s heated hand firmly wrapped around my wrist and led me out, closing the door.

“We’ll wait in the study,” he said. My eyes bore into Amos, who was so intent on the computer that he didn’t even seem to notice me being pulled out.

Immediately, my heart went erratic as Roan drew me into a darkened room that appeared to be a library of sorts with two oversized brown leather wingback chairs.

I wondered what sort of books these were, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of Roan as he closed the door and turned to me, putting his hands in his pockets and studying me.

No, no, no. This was the last person on Earth I wanted to be alone with.

I dropped my eyes and clasped my hands. What was he doing?

I watched his feet casually stroll across the room and stop, his back to me.

My eyes raised enough to watch him pull the spine of a colorful paperback down from a shelf.

Something about the colors raised my awareness.

With his back still to me, the sound of pages flipped.

When Roan began to read aloud, my entire body went cold and stiff with fright.

“Colossus had never been more handsome to me than he was at that moment, long hair matted from riding, armor covered in blood from battle. But it was the look in his eyes—the look that said he’d done it all for me, and he’d do it again if he must. I?—”

“ Stop! Please…” I covered my mouth, shocked that the words had escaped me. He turned on his heel and arched a brow, gazing at me, almost amused. “Sir, I…” I covered my mouth again as another shockwave tore through me.

Roan was reading from one of my books. We’d been told all of the banned books were wiped from systems and burned. To hear the words I’d written in another lifetime, while chasing my dream, from his mouth, and to see my word-baby in his hands was beyond wrong.

“Please don’t read that,” I begged. “It’s…I’m so embarrassed.” A dry, pathetic laugh tumbled through my lips.

“Oh, I’ve read the entire thing.” He cocked his head at me, his eyes too wide. Oh, God. My insides churned as he set down my book and crossed his arms. “You are quite the surprise.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No. I-I was young and silly when I wrote that. I can’t believe…” I covered my face. My books were filled with political intrigue. All kinds of crazy human-like creatures having relationships. So much rebellion. So many strong females.

Roan’s deep chuckle sounded close, and then he was gently prying my hands from my face. “It was eye-opening to be in your mind. To see your…fantasies.” He held my wrists, standing too close.

“It’s not like that, honestly.” I saw the look of fascination and lust in his eyes.

I should have been used to it. In my line of work, people always assumed the sensuality I wrote about was either stuff I’d done or things I wanted to do.

But I’d written about so many scandalous things that I had zero desire to do, and definitely never done.

It was exhausting explaining to people that I just had a really good imagination and felt brave when I was writing.

“You have quite a way with words.”

My face felt beet red. “Just an overly active imagination when I didn’t know any better.”

“Do you still have these…imaginings?”

“No,” I said, not counting that one night of dreaming, which I had put to rest.

Roan was about the same height as me, but he was strong with muscle mass. He kept hold of my wrists as he lowered his face to my neck and gently placed his lips to my pulse point. I squeezed my eyes shut as he spoke against my skin.

“Your heartbeat is quick,” he murmured. It took all of my will not to pull away. “Are you afraid or excited, I wonder.”

When I didn’t answer or move, he went on.

“You could still write books for the State, if that’s what you want. I could make it happen.”

Oh, hell no.

He pulled back enough to look at me expectantly.

“That season of my life is over,” I told him softly, and then began to ramble lies. “I don’t want to go back. I like where I am. Working for the Secretary. Cleaning. Cooking. It feels right.” Did I sound doe-like and submissive enough? I hoped so.

But the hmph that came up from his chest sounded amused and skeptical.

“You could write a book for new wives.” He pressed into me, and I turned my head to the side, closing my eyes again as I felt him grow hard. “You can instruct them how to please their husbands and the satisfaction that should come from that.”