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CONOR

SOMEONE SAVED MY LIFE TONIGHT - ELTON JOHN

“She’s got cancer.”

I arched a brow at Ma as I guided her around our fourth apartment viewing. “Is it going to kill her?”

“They’ve got it under control for the moment.” Ma studied me, more interested in my question regarding Dotty O’Reilly’s current status healthwise than the property. “Why are you asking?”

“Because Priestley isn’t going to be around for much longer.”

Understatement.

Priestley was lucky to have lived this long after the Summit. It was only because we’d been busy that Star hadn’t dealt with her yet.

She blinked at me. “What has she done?”

“Betrayed us.”

Her lips pursed but my phone buzzed, and I smiled as I got a text message from the woman of the hour.

Star: Someone Saved My Life Tonight - Elton John.

Star: Fitting considering what I’m doing, but it just came to me and made me think of you.

Me: That’s true love. And it’s truer love that my rock-loving ass is going to tune into Elton John.

Star: :P

Me: I’ll listen later. Still with Ma. She dead?

Star: Soon.

Star: 3

Me: 3

“Love looks good on you, son.”

Ma’s soft statement had me glancing at her.

Unsure of how to answer that, I just frowned. “Thanks?”

“It wasn’t an insult. It was a compliment! You’re happy?”

My lips curved. “Very.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” She heaved a sigh. “All my boys are attached. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Who do you think would hold out the longest?”

“You.”

The immediacy of her answer had me grumbling, “Thanks again, Ma!”

Her chuckle was unapologetic. “You were always such an odd duck, son. Knew it would take someone special to put up with you. That’s why you have so few friends.”

“Charming. And I had a friend.” Until he betrayed me. My family. My faction.

Friends sucked.

She patted my shoulder. “I loved you so I knew someone else would.”

“You’re trying to make it better but you’re making it worse,” I grouched, shoving my phone into my pocket. “Do you like this place?”

“I like that it’s in your building.” She glanced around. “It’s nicer than Eoghan’s and Brennan’s.”

“They’re pretty similar.”

“They’re not,” was her droll retort. “How many square feet is this?”

“Four thousand.”

“That’s ample.” She nodded as she stared around the bare-bones apartment which had been emptied yesterday after I’d decided she’d be better off here anyway. The tenants hadn’t been happy, but I didn’t give much of a damn. “I’ll take this one.”

I knew my ma too well.

“Good. I’ll speak with the agent and get you moved in… Next month?”

She peered around. “Just needs some paint.”

I’d believe that when ET did phone home.

“What about the kitchen?”

Tapping her finger against her bottom lip, she mused, “Yes, it’s too modern. But I like that it has two ovens. Leave it for now. I can stay with you or Aidan when I decide what I want for?—”

“No, Ma. Get it done now. If you need out of the house sooner or want to work on the property once you’re moved in, then you’ll need to stay in a hotel in the city.”

“Why can’t I stay with you?” she demanded.

“Because we have families! And right now, Savannah and Aidan are dealing with some stuff and they have construction going on next door so they’re grouchy, and Star and Kat only just moved in with me! We’re still settling into our routines.”

She huffed. “I could help with babysitting.”

“Why would you want to move in with us when you want your own space anyway?”

Quiet reigned for a moment, then she released a sigh. “I miss the noise, Conor. Your da wasn’t always there, but when he was, there was never a peaceful moment. I’m not used to there being no chaos.

“It’s okay though. You’re right. I’ll move into a hotel and make a decision about the kitchen...” She frowned, but it was more to herself. “Do you think Inessa would like to help me?”

This was when I wished her and Aoife’s relationship was as strong as it once was.

I wasn’t about to be guilt-tripped into agreeing for her to move into Aidan’s apartment or mine just so she could make age-long decisions over a kitchen.

That path led to her being a permanent ‘roommate,’ and I was not signing up for that. I loved my ma but living in the same building was close enough for me.

“Savannah probably would. She might draw Star in.”

“Would that be a problem for you?” she asked. When that had me frowning, she clarified, “If Star helped me and Savannah with the kitchen.”

“Why would it?”

“I don’t know. You said it like it could be a bad thing.”

“Not for me. Maybe for you. Star isn’t like your other daughters-in-law.”

Christ, I wasn’t even sure if the word ‘backsplash’ meant something non-torture-related to Star.

Ma hooted. “You don’t think I realized that already?” Patting my arm, she said, “You underestimate me, son.”

“Do I? Ma, she’s never going to say things that don’t put you on edge.”

“You mean her telling me that her father’s and Dagger’s band used to lick cocaine out of groupies’ assholes was just a preview?”

My lips twisted as I tried not to laugh. “Yeah. Although I think they were technically snorting—” At her arch look, I cleared my throat. “I meant, what with your recent obsession with Our Lady, I know that kind of talk isn’t very popular with you now.”

“Ah. So you meant don’t ask Savannah if you don’t want her to bring Star along?”

“Yes.”

She hummed. “Do you know your da used to speak in his sleep?”

“I didn’t know that.” I grimaced. “What did he talk about?”

“Things I shouldn’t have known. Worse things than ass-crack coke-snorting.” She patted my arm again. “Don’t worry, son. We’ll make it out of a kitchen consultation alive. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

Grinning, I tugged her into a hug. “It is.”

When she embraced me back, both of us just stood there, not moving, just hugging. It was weird but nice, and then she mumbled, “Haven’t done this in a while, son.”

“We haven’t,” I agreed, surprise lacing the words. “I didn’t realize.”

“I did. I thought you were mad at me.”

Was I?

Huh.

Maybe?

Knowing she knew about my abuse and hadn’t raised the subject with me was… rough .

It wasn’t that I needed to discuss it with her, but that she didn’t bring it up left me both on edge that she could drop the conversation like the bomb it was at any given moment and irritated that she couldn’t care enough to ask about that time, to ask what the ramifications of it were on me.

It probably took me longer than it should to say, “No. I’m not mad at you.” I kissed the crown of her head, meaning it because life was too fucking short for grudges. If I had a problem with her not talking about the abuse I’d endured, then conversation was a two-way street. “You can always ask me, Ma. Hugs come for free.”

She sighed against my shirt. “Thank you for finding this apartment for me.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you’re happy here. Is a room going to be for Uncle Paddy?”

“Maybe. Will your brothers have a problem with that?”

“Do you care if they do?”

She paused. “I suppose you’re right. I don’t.”

“Well, then.” I shrugged. “Life’s short, Ma. Be happy. I think Da would want that for you.”

“I think he would too, but it’s strange. I don’t like Paddy in that way. I just enjoy being around him.”

“Is it the beer gut?”

She huffed out a laugh. “What was it Savannah called your father?”

“Ah, a silver fox.”

“Yes, I was definitely married to one of those. I suppose it spoils you. But Paddy’s good to be around and he’s at a loss too. We’ve both let our families down?—”

“Sounds like a recipe for miserable conversations.”

“No, you’re wrong. It’s nice. We’re not perfect and we accept that about each other.”

I squeezed her. “Have you tried apologizing to Aoife?”

“No. What’s the point? There’s no forgiving what I did.” She swallowed. “Does she miss me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then why did you ask?”

I sucked down some air. “Star let me down and did some bad… things. She said sorry and I told her it wasn’t enough, that she had to atone. Sometimes, you don’t give up, you find a solution and a way of saying sorry.”

She reared back. “Is that what you think I should do with Aoife? I tried before, but she lost it?—”

“Then try again.” I thought about her strange obsession with Our Lady and mused, “If you made it about religion, Ma, then no wonder she freaked. Instead of making it about the church, you need to make it about her. About the woman you love like a daughter.

“I think that’s the only option you have open to you if you don’t want to live like this .”

Her eyes rounded and she released a shaky breath. “She won’t let me near her, though. Neither will Finn. You know, ten years ago, I would have said that Finn not speaking to me would have broken my heart, but losing them both is what’s broken me.

“I’m not saying I don’t deserve it, but I wish…” She sighed and then shot me a lopsided smile. “Wishes don’t come true for people who’ve done what I have.”

“It’s not about wishing. It’s about working for Aoife’s forgiveness.” I rolled my eyes as she shook her head in disagreement. “Anyway, how’s it feel to be back in the city?”

“Good. I think it will be better for me than being all the way upstate for the time being.”

“You don’t want to sell the estate?”

“No. I might spend summers there. The winters are too lonely.”

I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Whatever you need, whatever makes you happy, we’ll figure out a way.”

“You’re a good boy, Conor.”

I winked at her. “That’s not what Star says.”