Page 43 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

“We were young and messing around,” I started, my voice tentative. “We both loved surfing. She was on track to go pro.”

“She?” Cece croaked.

“Yeah, she,” I said. “We’d just graduated from high school, and I was due to join the Marine Corps at the end of the summer. We had a great summer.” My lips twitched when I recalled some of the crazy things we did. “And then, she told me.”

Cece’s throat rippled with a swallow. “Who told you what?”

“Malia told me she was pregnant.”

Cece stiffened, and her eyes glittered with a flash of emotion.

“You have a kid?” she asked, her tone both surprised and accusatory, her eyes wide with shock. “Why have you never mentioned this before? You have a girlfriend? A wife? I asked if you—”

“I told you the truth,” I spoke over her, trying to stop her mind’s warp speed from spinning out of control. “Malia and I were eighteen. We’d had a senior year fling. We both thought of it as our last hurrah before we went our separate ways.”

“But then she got pregnant,” Cece realized.

“Accidentally, yes, we got pregnant.” He raked his hands through his hair. “Malia didn’t know about it for a while. She wasn’t paying attention, and we always used protection. By the time she found out and told me, she was already almost four months into the pregnancy.”

“Oh, shit.” Cece winced. “What did you do?”

“At first, I was mad. At myself, mostly. I’d taken every precaution, but I guess nature prevailed. Malia was mad too. She’d planned her future, a surfing career that didn’t include a kid. Or me. She said she was gonna terminate.”

“Did she?”

“I didn’t think it was the worst idea. I didn’t want to give up my own plans. But then I thought about the baby we’d made. That kid was my responsibility.”

“Had you ever considered being a father before?” Cece asked, her face guarded.

“As a matter of fact, I kind of expected I’d be a dad someday, but not at eighteen.”

Cece tried to suppress a flinch at my reply, but I saw it.

“My mom and dad had passed in my freshman year, and yet I’d had a great childhood and thought that one day, when I was older, as in much older, I would find the one fated for me and raise some happy kids.”

“I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in a happy family,” Cece murmured, then reluctantly asked, “Was Malia the one?”

“At eighteen? I had no clue, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt as if fate had chosen me to bring this little person into the world.”

“I can see that,” Cece said, her expression thoughtful. “I’m sure you’re a great dad—”

“Slow it down,” I suggested. “You’re getting ahead of me—”

“You’re a caregiver at heart,” she insisted. “It’s the way you’re wired.”

“I don’t know about that, but it took me a while to persuade Malia to keep the baby,” I continued before Cece’s assumptions got out of hand.

“The summer turned hot and muggy as the weeks went by. She was so afraid of giving birth, of being a mom, of me being in the military, and she stuck alone with a kid instead of riding the waves. I got it. The thought of being a dad petrified me. I couldn’t blame her. ”

“I can’t blame her either,” Cece offered. “Being a woman sucks fifty percent of the time.”

“I promised Malia so many things so she would have our baby. I told her that everything would be all right, that I’d always protect her and the baby.

I swore that as soon as I finished bootcamp and got assigned to a duty station, I’d send for her.

In my head, I mapped it all out. Base housing.

Healthcare. Family life in the Corps, just as I’d grown up.

I told her a baby wasn’t the end of her dreams, that I’d help with the kid, and we’d do this together. But…”

“But what?”

“By the end of the summer, she needed more than promises.” I remembered our fights, her tears, her demands. “She wanted to get married before I left.”

“And did you?”

“I thought we should wait a little, maybe grow our relationship until we were sure we were right for each other.”

“Sounds reasonable.”

“Reason doesn’t count when emotion takes charge,” I murmured.

“The day before I was to report for boot camp, we had a huge argument. She wanted to get married. I wanted to wait. She was mad as a hornet. She grabbed her board and stomped out of my house, fuming. I didn’t go after her.

I was too busy packing for bootcamp. While I was at it, I had a good talk with my Tūtū wahine— ”

“Tūtū wahine?”

“My grandmother,” I translated. “I lived with her after my parents died. She was a force of nature. People in our neighborhood called her Kupua . In the old language, it means ‘sorceress.’”

“Oh.” It didn’t escape Cece’s attention that Sorceress was her code name and the nickname I used for her.

I flashed her a rueful smile and made a confession. “When I talked to your sisters and put together your profile, you reminded me of my grandmother—strong-willed, proud, unbreakable. A modern sorceress.”

She gaped. “Is this how you think of me?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured, but her chest swelled a little. “Will you please go on?”

“My grandmother reminded me how difficult the world can be for women and especially for mothers. I decided I would make it work between Malia and me. For the kid, you know?”

Cece nodded.

“Once I was in, I was all in. So, I also decided that if Malia had agreed to have my baby, the least I could do was support her and honor her wishes.”

“So, you got married,” Cece concluded.

“I wanted to, but…” I had to clear the cobwebs from my throat and blink off the humidity in my eyes. “The ocean had other plans for us.”

Cece frowned. “The ocean?”

“The day was overcast and rainy.” I studied the trampoline between us, tracing the thick weave between my fingers. “I knew where to find Malia. She loved the water as much as I did, and when she was upset, she always ran to the ocean.”

A shadow of a smile flitted briefly across my lips, then disappeared behind the wave of pain crashing over me. I didn’t want to remember the next part, and yet how could I forget?

I forced myself to go on. “Having made my decision, I dropped what I was doing, grabbed my board, and headed for the breakers. It was sunset, and the clouds looked like an enormous bruise in the sky. As I approached, I could tell that the surfing conditions were rough. Red flags everywhere. By the time I got there, I saw a small crowd of surfers pointing at the menacing waves. That’s when I spotted a hot pink surfboard bobbing out in the ocean. ”

Cece gasped. “Oh, no.”

“I dove in.” I closed my eyes and relived the moment in my mind. “People shouted at me. They said the ocean was too rough to attempt a rescue. I didn’t care. They didn’t know Malia like I did. She was going pro. She was the best surfer I knew, and she could handle anything the ocean threw at her.”

I paused to even my voice.

“I swam like a madman, fighting the currents and the waves for what seemed forever. Finally, I spotted her surfboard. I headed toward it. When I got there, I jumped from my board, and pulling on my leash, went under.”

Memories of the murky waters invaded my head. The visibility sucked. The churn fought back, pummeling me around. I spotted something in the underwater mayhem. A listless form dangled from the leash. Malia’s long hair swayed to the tune of the currents.

“I swam toward her,” I said, recalling every terrible detail. “Eventually, I reached her. I grabbed her and pulled her to the surface.”

Malia! I remembered shouting until my throat ached . Get on the board. Now!

The next part was even harder to tell. It was only when Cece sat up on her knees and hugged me that I could make words again. As she drew back and settled her hands over mine, I ground out the words.

“But Malia didn’t hear me.” I didn’t bother to hide the desolation that cracked my voice.

“She wouldn’t get on the board either. Half drowning myself, I turned her around in my arms. Her eyes opened to the sky as wide as I’d ever seen them.

Her lips were blue, and her face was gray as ashes.

And the leash. It kept her firmly tied to her tumbling surfboard. ”

I had to pause for a few more seconds to gather my courage.

“I released my leash and abandoned my board.” I shut my eyes and clenched my fists.

“It took me for-fucking-ever to get Malia back on her board. The swim back was faster with the waves at my back. By the time I made it to the beach, exhausted, beat up, and bleeding, the EMTs had arrived. I dared to hope they could bring her back. I mean, modern medicine and everything, right?”

“Right,” Cece echoed, her tone hopeful.

“That’s when I realized the leash had wrapped around her neck.”

“Oh, God.” Cece’s horrified voice reached me from a great distance.

There had been no God for me that day, no miracle, no chance to right my wrongs. Only Malia’s empty gaze, the whispers of the bystanders, and the roar of the waves in my ears.

“They tried to revive her, but she was gone. Leash around the neck. It’s the rarest kind of surfing accident.”

I opened my eyes and found Cece covering her mouth with her hand. Tears moistened her cheeks as she grappled for words. But I knew better. There were no words to be said.

She settled her hand on my knee. “I’m so very sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.” I exhaled a pained breath and rubbed the spot over my heart. “Sometimes, it feels as if it everything happened in another life. It’s like a nightmare that never ends. It haunts me with guilt and regret when I least expect it.”

“You did the best you could.”

“But did I?”

“You tried to save her, Kai.”

“But I didn’t.”

“It was an accident.”

“Was it?” I lifted a shoulder and let it drop. “What if she was so upset that she took her life?”

“She went to the ocean to surf, like she always did when she was upset. You said so yourself.”

“She didn’t heed the red flags.”

“Did she ever pay attention to them before?” Cece asked softly.

“No.”