Page 4 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

“Hey!” I shot back as the three of us worked to lower Missy to the floor. “You’re not innocent in this. You dared me. You wanted him all pissy and shit.”

“He’s always pissy and shit,” Affie retorted.

“Please don’t fight,” Thena begged as we laid Missy on the Persian rug. “Let’s keep the peace among ourselves and take care of each other. It’s just us now. You both know that.”

Thena’s sorrow ached in my chest. Properly chastised, Affie and I worked with her to make Missy comfortable.

It wasn’t hard. She was just a slip of a girl and light as a feather, a wisp of bones and white skin topped by a straight red mane.

My heart shrank, and my protective instincts flared.

She seemed so wan, so small and helpless, lying on the rug as Thena took her pulse and monitored her breathing.

I rushed to the nearest couch, grabbed a cushion and a throw, and returned to the dining room. Thena took the pillow from me, fitted it under Missy’s feet, then took Missy’s pale hand in hers. Affie forewent her legendary attitude to sit beside Missy and hold her other hand.

As for the staff, they knew better than to show up during an Astor shitshow. They had all disappeared. Even Cook and Sandy—who had stepped up to take care of us when Mom died—retreated, dodging our furious father and giving us privacy to deal with the damage.

Grief marred Thena’s beautiful face. “Missy’s fingers are so cold.”

My shoulders slumped with guilt. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”

“There’s no point.” Thena shook her head, and her perfect blonde curls fluttered around her face. “We know what to do, and the doctors have told us that this is Missy’s way of coping with stress.”

“Conking out.” Affie rolled her eyes, but her voice carried a gentle warmth for a change. “I wish I could do that, or maybe escape through a portal into another dimension that doesn’t include Father.”

“You and your imagination.” I scoffed as I covered Missy with the throw. “You would want to disappear. Hide under the sheets with some horny hunk. You read too much romantasy. Disappearing is not scientifically possible.”

Affie’s head tilted in a bird-like manner reminiscent of a sparrow, a gesture that concealed the fact that she was more like a hawk. Or a fierce pterodactyl.

“Cece?” Her gray eyes sparkled as she queried me with her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

Her question sparked something new inside of me, a longing for freedom that hadn’t been at the front of my mind before. Did we really have to live like this?

“Our best hope is that Missy’s fainting spells will go away,” Thena reminded us.

“Maybe, if she moves far from here, she won’t faint so much.” I knelt at Missy’s feet. I hated myself for being the trigger of her fainting episode. Missy had always been delicate. I should’ve refrained from having an all-out fight with Father in front of her.

Remorse soured my belly. Father was mean to all of us, but he’d made a science out of harassing, insulting, and raging at me.

After years of verbal abuse, I’d learned to fight back.

Anger was my default mode. To defend myself and my sisters, I’d developed a temper.

It allowed me to transform into a bitch on wheels whenever I felt threatened.

It came in handy all too frequently.

I never allowed myself to cry, or to fall apart, or to look weak. With the exception of anger, I suppressed most of my emotions. I was tough on the outside, and I worked hard to keep up the facade, even in front of my sisters. Why?

Because they needed someone strong to fight for them, and that someone was me.

But inside…?

It was a different story, one I never shared with anyone, a constant, painful churn of emotions I refused to face because I feared that, if I did, I might fall apart, for good. And if I fell apart, who would protect my sisters?

I wondered if I’d gone too far that night. Nix, our older brother, had been killed in battle only a few weeks before. Father was grieving his heir, born and bred to carry on his legacy, and his crushed dream of an Astor empire led by an Astor male.

Hell, we were grieving the death of our brother, too. Nix had been warm, brave, and kind, unlike Father. He’d defied Father’s wishes and joined the Marine Raiders. He’d been my soul’s twin, the best brother a gal could ask for, and funny to boot.

I still couldn’t believe he was gone.

On top of that, the same mission that took Nix’s life had wounded Dash, who’d been Thena’s boyfriend for ages and was like another brother to me.

The icing on this cake of misery was that, for reasons only Thena knew, she’d ended things with Dash, ripping his strength from our lives, weakening our already crumbling foundation as a family.

So, yeah, it was bad. We were all at our lowest, and yet Father’s behavior was wrong.

The greatest tragedy for him was having his succession plans dashed.

It took precedence over the grief that smothered our souls and snared us in the darkness of our deep mourning.

Who gave a fuck about money and succession when Nix was gone?

We were all drowning.

Drowning …

Even now, years later, sitting at my desk at the lighthouse, my skin crawled as the memories flooded me.

Everything changed that night. While we waited for Missy to come back to us, a helpless, hopeless sadness settled over us.

A heavy silence weighed us down. The tick-tock of the grandfather clock in the hallway marked the long minutes.

I took in our lovely Missy, her stark features, her pale face and inert body.

She looked more dead than alive. My gaze shifted to Thena.

The suffering that deepened the lines bracketing her wide mouth sifted into my aching bones.

Hell, even feisty Affie went quiet, as if her spirit’s bright flames were being smothered by the passing time.

My heart throbbed with desolation that got worse with each beat.

I reconsidered Affie’s question.

Someone had to think of a way out of this misery. Thena was too kind and loyal to step outside the box. Missy was too shy and quiet to take the initiative. Affie was a flowing fountain of ideas, but she was also a free spirit who never focused on anything for long.

It hit me like a roundhouse kick to the head.

I was the person to do this, my sisters’ protector, the most pragmatic and logical of us, the one with the self-discipline to design a plan and see it through.

The burden dropped onto my shoulders like a massive yoke.

Perhaps Affie was right. Maybe we could all disappear.

Father was rich and powerful. He would never stop trying to control our lives; but what if I could devise a way to cut him out of our lives?

It was the last time I saw Father, the night I began to plan our escape.

Out of the funk, Astor. With a mental yank, I bailed from the past and returned to the present, ignoring the emotions clogging my throat. Enough with the memories.

I flipped over my microscope’s stage clip and replaced the failed specimen with another slide. I’d used a different stabilizing compound. Maybe this one would turn out differently.

Work helped me cope with the shitty memories.

It occupied all the space in my head, smothering emotion with science and reason.

It pushed aside the anger and the sorrow and allowed me to forget, at least for a little while.

Sure, it was a coping mechanism, as escapist as Affie’s romantic fantasies, but at least it helped me deal with the pain, and hopefully someday, it would amount to a scientific breakthrough, something helpful that would justify my existence.

I fiddled with the glass slide, then stared at the microscope.

I’d left Astor House, parted from my sisters, and set out on my own to be free.

But freedom was not real when I had to hide in the middle of nowhere to prevent my father’s minions from finding me and dragging me back to his detestable world.

I’d gone from his jail to a prison of my own making.

Worse, I missed Nix, Dash, Thena, and Missy.

Hell, I even missed Affie, the sharp-tongued harpy.

Guilt simmered in my gut. I’d been the motor behind our escape plan.

I was the one who’d fleshed out the concept, organized the resources, and established strict parameters to ensure our disappearances.

When I’d brought the plan to my sisters, Thena balked, Missy wavered back and forth, and Affie was a hundred percent on board.

In the end, my plan had cost me my sisters. We didn’t have a mother and our father was an asshole, but we’d had each other. Until we broke. Until I broke, and then I broke us apart.

I shifted my gaze to the colorful photo box that stood on the corner of my desk. It was the only keepsake I’d brought along when I escaped the Astor universe. It held some small mementos, but I never opened the box, afraid of the emotional pain the memories unleashed.

Reaching out, I dragged the box before me and stared at the picture displayed on the lid.

The Rocky Mountains rose in the distance, as huge and majestic as I remembered.

Swathes of gold and red skirted the slopes where the aspens’ changing colors announced fall’s arrival.

Standing against the brilliant background were the five people I loved the most in the world. And me, of course.

It was the last photo we had of Nix before he died, the last memory of all of us who’d grown up together under Father’s tyranny. The Astors Renegades, we used to call ourselves.

In the picture, we stood together, bundled against the wind, with our backpacks piled at our feet.

We had just returned from an amazing hike.

Thena anchored one end of the frame, leaning on Dash, who perched a possessive arm over her shoulder.

Missy’s hand rested on Dash’s other arm, right beneath his folded elbow.

She flashed her toothy grin, the one that dazzled me even now.

I stood in profile at the opposite end of the photo, looking up at Nix, laughing.

I’d wrapped my arms around my brother’s broad shoulders and pulled him to me.

Affie had dyed her hair neon green that week.

Mirroring my stand, she flanked Nix on the other side, coiling her arms around his waist and making a funny face.

Nix was laughing at the tug-of-war Affie and I were waging over him, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth.

Even now, his quiet chuckles rang in my head.

We would never be together again.

I gulped down the burning in my throat and tightened my grip on the photo box. Before my incredulous gaze, a glow formed around the group. Everyone but me glimmered in tones of gold plus a variety of blues, violets, and greens that were different for each person.

“Oh, no. Fuck, no.” I dropped the box on the desk and pushed it away from me. “We are not doing this.”

As soon as I released the box, the glow went away. My pulse raced, and a distant hum buzzed in my ears, but I huffed a relieved breath.

“You’re not going nuts, Astor.” I stared defiantly at the now glow-free picture. “You’re not having visual hallucinations. People, we are going to ignore what just happened,” I announced, having an imaginary talk with my family on the picture. “I’m fine. I’m not crazy. It’s back to work for me.”

I’d had two previous experiences with the glow, but these had happened when I’d seen it flaring around two real people, never when I looked at the picture. Why the picture? Why now? My scientific mind buzzed, both intrigued and alarmed.

I leaned back in my chair, dropped my glasses on the desk, and slumped.

Maybe I’d stop seeing weird shit if I ate.

If I took a break. If I slept. But sleeping was a risky business.

The memories turned into nightmares. Eating was also problematic.

The mechanical act of chewing left my mind idle.

Not a good thing for an overthinker like me.

I mean, really, how much thought did mastication take?

I blew out a breath and forced myself to return my attention to the slide before me.

“Ahem.”

I snapped so straight that my spine cracked.

Then I went so still that my shoulders ached and my neck muscles throbbed with tension.

It sounded as if someone had just cleared his throat behind me, which wasn’t possible.

I kept the doors locked night and day, and my alarms hadn’t gone off.

My heart beat like a war drum in my chest. Had my father’s minions found me? Or was I losing my mind?

That last option was a possibility, especially since I’d just had a brush with the glow.

The sound came again—masculine, low, and insistent.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

My thoughts raced like the horses at the Kentucky Derby.

I pretended I hadn’t heard anything. I might miss my sisters a lot, but I wasn’t going back to Father, not now, not ever.

My hand trembled as I reached out and faked a movement as if to pick a new slide.

Instead, I wrenched open the desk drawer, reached for my gun, and spun on my chair.

“Don’t move.” I aimed my gun at the intruder. “If you move, you die.”