Page 3 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

Cece

“Dammit!” I slammed my elbows on the desk way too hard. Twin shocks blasted up my arms. “Ow.” I rubbed my smarting joints, then stared at my reflection on the windowpane and scolded myself. “Astor, you’re such a dummy.”

Talking to myself was a habit. It was my way of exercising my little-used vocal cords and breaking the silence that presided over my space.

Looking away from the worn-out, plain stranger staring back at me from the glass, I took a deep breath and perched my forearms back on the desk, this time gently.

No sense in infuriating my ulnar nerve again.

The jolts subsided, but the frustration tightening my jaw stuck around like a tapeworm, feeding on my energy.

I dropped my head and massaged my aching temples.

My stomach grumbled, and my eyelids drooped.

How long since I last ate something? How many days since I’d slept more than a couple of hours in a row?

“Way to go, Astor,” I muttered, since the only conversations that happened around here were between me and myself .

“You’re the poster child for the theory that a high IQ and hard work will get you nothing but an early ticket to your grave.

Drive yourself to the ground and die alone without having accomplished shit. ”

Father would love my failures. He’d eat them up, savor them like fine caviar, and then regurgitate them like a bull chewing its cud and vomit all over my self-esteem.

“Not gonna happen.” I took a leveling inhale. Even though Father would never recognize my achievements, one day, I would see my name written in the science textbooks next to the word “cure.”

I had high standards, and I could come across as grouchy to strangers, but I was most demanding on myself, impatient and as pig-headed as a mule, as my sisters had often pointed out, combining animals to highlight my extreme stubbornness.

They weren’t wrong. I was my worst enemy, my ego’s brutal antagonist.

“Sleep deprived, famished, and trapped in a prison of your own creation.” I had only myself to blame. “Isolated, and so lonely that even the sound of your voice startles you. Ugh.” I groaned. “Shake it off, Astor. Self-pity is not your friend. Not that you have any friends. Get back to work.”

Blinking off the weariness, I put my eyes to the microscope again. I’d been so close to attaining homeostasis this time around. Then the sample had degraded. In a snap, my experiment failed and my hypothesis remained unproven.

This would be one more entry in my journal of failures, one more episode of what not to do. My father’s infuriating laughter echoed in my head. The memory of the last time I’d seen him returned to haunt me.

“You want to cure what?” He’d cackled at the dinner table, ridiculing me in front of all my sisters. “Cersi, there are hundreds of scientists who are smarter than you, and they haven’t found the cure for shit, let alone for the fucking disease that killed your mother.”

I started. “But my angle—”

“I don’t give a fuck about your angle.” He slammed a hand on the table, shaking the Limoges dishes and the Baccarat glasses.

“I own a shitload of pharmaceutical companies. We don’t fund spoiled brats who think they know everything.

We produce medicines that make us money.

That’s not you, so stop it with the worthless science crap! ”

“Science is not fucking worthless,” I snarled. Prudence had never been my style, and my mouth often ran away with my brain. “I can make a difference. I know I will!”

“Can your fucked-up attitude and find a fucking way to manage that terrible temper of yours,” Father grumbled between sips of Scotch. “How else are you ever gonna find a husband?”

“A husband?” I choked on the word. “I don’t want one of those!”

“Then you’re in luck.” Father flashed his spiteful sneer. “No man in his right mind is ever gonna put up with you. Unless you change your atrocious attitude. If you do, you still have a tiny window of time before you become a useless hag. Get yourself a proper man.”

“A proper man?” I sucked in an indignant breath. A scowl tightened my face until it ached. Father was a misogynistic asshole, but tonight? He’d crossed a line.

“Who the fuck are you?” I spat. “A medieval tyrant?”

“I’m trying to steer you toward success,” he growled, raking his fingers through his thick, white mane.

“You need a strong husband to squash your temper and crush your whims, girl. You’re so unbearably intense with all your scientific bullshit that you come across like an insufferable bore and an insane, entitled brat. ”

I gritted my teeth. He always scored a hit when he called me insufferable, insane, and spoiled. The insults ached in the pit of my stomach. On my worst days, his name-calling left me wondering if he wasn’t a little itsy-bitsy right about me.

“Husbands,” Father proclaimed in his thunderous voice.

“That’s what you all need. A rich one with a firm hand would be good for you, Cersi.

Focus on spitting out grandsons and adding to the Astor gene pool.

” He swayed the silver fork over the table, pointing at the lot of us.

“It’s the least you ungrateful little shits can do for this family. ”

My sisters and I exchanged wary glances.

Father was in a mood. Hell, he was always in a mood around us.

Thena, my oldest sister, widened her eyes at me, warning me to keep my mouth shut, but I spotted the hurt in her gray eyes.

She was the heart behind The Astor Group, and yet Father treated her as if she were an indentured servant.

He didn’t recognize her hard work or give her any credit.

Tears filled Missy’s chocolate eyes as she begged me with her gaze not to antagonize our raging father. Her lower lip trembled. My heart broke for my baby sister. She was too kind and sensitive to be an Astor.

Affie, the irreverent witch, flashed me a ferocious smirk. My reckless sister embraced fear, didn’t give a fuck, and thrived on chaos. She’d challenged me with a lift of her eyebrows that asked, Will you educate Father, or should I?

Three plus years ago, at twenty-seven, I’d been a full-grown adult and so were my sisters.

Still, I could never back down from a dare, especially if it came from Affie.

She was barely a year younger than me, and we both had fight ingrained in our DNA.

As the middle daughters, she and I were bookended by Thena’s fabulous poise and Missy’s genuine sweetness.

Well, fuck that.

Affie and I grew up battling it out for the title of bestest, mostest, snarkiest, bitchiest hellcat in the house.

The standings changed depending on the day, but overall, the bestest and bitchiest records stayed with me.

If Affie was a demon, then I’d be the devil.

I’d gladly educate Father in the pitfalls of being a chauvinist pig.

“You are the biggest, meanest, greediest fucking asshole that there is!” My sassy mouth took over. “You can take your fucking plans and stick them up your ass. I’m not doing shit for you! Ever!”

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that,” he rumbled a warning.

“I refuse to spread your disgusting genes around,” I sneered. “The world already sucks with you in it. You’re done, you son of a bitch. Nix is dead. Dead!” I swallowed a sob. “It crushes me he’s gone, but at least he doesn’t have to put up with your bullshit anymore.”

“Enough!” Father snatched his tumbler and pushed off the table, sending his chair tumbling backward. “You’re a waste of sperm, Cersi. You want to get your ridiculous project funded? Don’t expect a penny from me. You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna waste my money on you.”

He whirled on his heels and stomped out of the ridiculous Versailles-lookalike dining room, leaving me feeling like a worm crushed beneath his heel and enraged beyond reason, until all I could see were flashes of red lightning. On impulse, I got up to follow, but Thena caught my hand.

“He’s gone,” she uttered softly.

Somewhere down the hall, the door to my father’s study slammed shut. The four of us flinched as one.

“Cece?” Thena squeezed my hand. “Please?”

Plopping down on my chair, I shook off her hold and glared at my cold, soggy dinner.

“A classic ending to an Astor family meal.” Affie stuffed her mouth with a forkful of salad, and chomping down, kept talking with her mouth full.

“He raves, draws blood, and then runs away. It’s what he always does.

” Her sparkling eyes fell on me. “He’s a loud, miserable coward with archaic views of women.

Of us! You did good, Cece. Sorry that our paternal asshole shot you down. ”

“He hasn’t shot me down.” I clenched my hands in my lap. “I’ll write more grants. I’ll use my share of Mom’s inheritance to fund my research. But here’s the question that always boggles my mind: Why would Mom marry a piece of shit like him?”

“She must’ve had her reasons.” Thena defended our mother’s choices as she always did. “And remember, everyone says his personality changed after she died. Since she’s gone, it’s a mystery we may never solve.”

“Father’s a dick.” The fury gleaming in Affie’s eyes could’ve burned entire cities, but she smirked, and displaying the greens stuck in her teeth, pointed her knife at each of us. “Don’t any of you ever forget it.”

“I don’t feel very well.” Missy’s eyes rolled to the back of her head. She went boneless before she slumped to one side of the chair.

“Oh, my dear girl.” Thena leaped to her feet and rushed to her side.

“Cue in the goner.” Affie huffed, and yet she abandoned her dinner and came around the table, as did I.

“ One peaceful dinner,” Thena muttered as Affie and I helped her ease Missy out of her chair. “Is that too much to ask for? Just one dinner where no one rages.”

“Or faints,” I added. “Missy’s been fainting since she was a kid, but lately, it’s gotten worse.”

Affie cut me a stark glare. “I wonder why.”