Page 23 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

Cece

After a steep ascent that robbed me of breath, we arrived at a rocky ridge on the summit of the tallest cliff.

Piles of stones crowned the ridge. I plopped down on a patch of red dirt and leaned my back against a rock, gasping for air, willing my thighs not to cramp.

We’d tackled a thousand-foot ascent over narrow trails and steep slopes, and yet not even my fear of the mercs could prevent me from taking in the spectacular views that surrounded me.

Looking down to the west, the cove that cradled the catamaran sparkled like a fossil caught in a polished azurite oval. The boat was currently cloaked. The new technology was incredible. You couldn’t detect Serenity at all. I just hoped the shield would hold.

The view to the east was wilder. Sheer cliffs plunged directly into the raucous surf. An icy shiver ran the length of my spine when I looked down at the massive waves pummeling the towering cliffs. I really hoped I would never have to face such a vicious assault.

The blasts of the waves echoed all the way to where I sat, punctuated with explosions of water spray and fracturing foam that looked like tiny white bursts below. The wind blew steadily up here. At times, it buffeted my face and forced me to hold on to my cap.

Showing zero signs of fatigue, Kai lay on his belly next to me, scouring the horizon with his binoculars, his body concealed between boulders. His carbine lay by his side, ready for action. He lowered the glasses and checked his Tak, tracking the suspicious boat.

“Anything?” I asked, lifting my hat and wiping the sweat off my forehead.

“Nothing yet.” He studied the screen. “They’ve made several stops along the way.”

“Maybe they’ll veer off.” I fanned my face with the baseball cap.

“That would be nice.” His tone told me he wasn’t counting on it.

“Since we’re waiting…” I lost my courage and let my words trail off.

“Since we’re waiting.” He cocked his eyebrows at me. “You’ve got more questions.”

I donned the cap and lowered the brim. “Am I that easy to read?”

“I’m learning.” He grinned behind the binoculars. “Ask.”

“Why did you tell me all that stuff?”

“You mean about your sisters and what they said about our connection?”

“Yes.”

“I promised I wouldn’t keep any secrets from you.

” He pushed up from the ground, leaned his back against the rock opposite to me, and, holding his binoculars in one hand, fixed his gaze on me.

“I’m a straight shooter, and I think you’re the same.

So why not put it all on the table and see what happens? ”

Yeah, why the fuck not, Astor?

Because…

Go ahead, find a good reason to keep any kind of joy and pleasure out of your life.

I glanced at the man sitting across from me, then lowered my stare to the ground, drawing lazy circles on the red dirt with my fingertips. Kai didn’t fit into any of my categories. Still, I had an easy way out of his what-ifs, courtesy of my no-men, no-love, no-aggravation rule.

Growing up Astor had broken my heart. Every man who’d ever approached me wanted Father’s money, not me.

Father himself had proven that males like him were an existential threat to the female species.

After my father had done his damage, if there had been any pieces of my heart left intact, they broke on the day Nix died.

Nix was gone, but Father raged on. I’d learned good men died to serve their country and evil men thrived, profiting from the blood, sweat, and pain of others.

After Nix died, parting from my sisters had pulverized whatever shards of my heart remained. Yep, that was me, tough on the outside and a broken, fucked-up mess inside.

I’d never had the will or the inclination to put my wrecked heart back together.

Committed to my routine and driven to succeed in my quest, I’d learned to live without feeling much of anything.

But Kai, he made me feel things. Powerful, overwhelming emotions and sizzling lust. Could it be that for the first time in my life, I had a crush on a guy?

No man in his right mind is ever gonna put up with you. Father’s voice reverberated in my head. You’re infuriating, worthless, heartless. You’re hardly a catch.

It would be so easy to get addicted to Kai, to his smile, company, and sex appeal. But why take the risk when my focus should be on my work and my sisters? Why start something doomed from the start? Why even try?

You think you’re miserable now? Ha! Wait and see what’s gonna happen to you when he inevitably drops you like the cantankerous hot potato you are.

Thanks for that, Father .

You’re welcome, Cersi .

Fuck you, asshole .

I glanced up at the broiling sun, trying to grill us into sweaty chunks of meat. Perhaps if I could rebuild myself, I could defy Father’s expectations and explore whatever this was with Kai.

Cease and desist, you dimwit. You’re the no-love sister. You don’t do love.

A bunch of stupid tears burned in my eyes. It took all I had to hide them. I focused on the chicken scratches my fingers had indented on the dirt. Were those curving lines forming a heart?

Fuck me . They were hearts!

Swiping my hand over the dirt, I erased all traces of my subliminal art, hoping that Kai hadn’t noticed. I’d drawn fucking hearts on the ground. Me!

It was time to get real.

I made a point of not meeting Kai’s gaze. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Test my sisters’ hypothesis.” I lowered my head and hid behind my bangs and the brim of my hat. “Test us . I’m just… not capable.”

For a moment, I spotted a hint of something in Kai’s eyes in my peripheral vision. Disappointment maybe? Then the placid smile returned to his face, and his Zen smothered my emotions.

“You’re capable of so much, Cece, if only you gave yourself a break.” When he stretched out his arms, he looked like a big, beautiful lion stirring from a long slumber. “At least now you know what’s in the mix, and also that you have choices.”

“You… um…” It was hard to shut me up, but somehow, he did it for, like, thirty seconds. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad? No.” He reached for his binoculars again, and, kneeling on the ground, peered over the rocks. “I’ve had some time to process this. You’ve had none. I trust my team and your sisters. You trust no one. I get why you feel you can’t rely on anyone but yourself.”

“Why is that?” I asked in that uppity tone I detested, even though I used it a lot.

“Your father.” It was all he said, all he needed to say.

He understood, but if I admitted this, I was going to break down and cry. Here, at the crest of this ridge, with the Pacific Ocean sprawled at my feet to witness my shame.

“Your father is gone,” Kai reminded me. “You’re free, Cece. To be yourself.”

Free . The word pealed in my head like a mighty bell.

“You get to choose,” he continued as he scoured the ocean. “I get to choose, too. You have a right to protect yourself, to sit this one out if that’s what you need. I’m disappointed, but I’m also relieved.”

I blinked several times. “Relieved?”

“A little, yes.”

“Why?”

He lowered the glasses, but kept his stare in the distance. A muscle flinched in his jaw before he muttered, “No risk, no danger.”

“What?” I drew back. “What danger?”

“Never mind.” He lifted the binoculars to his eyes. “If it’s a no-go, then it’s a no-go.”

Why did my insides sting as if I’d just swallowed a nest of hornets?

Pain brought out my temper. “You’re relieved because now you don’t have to fuck me.”

He pinned me with a stare and frowned. “What did you say?”

“You were just playing with me,” I said. “Connection. Attraction. Lust. All that shit.”

“No, but—”

“It’s fine,” I snapped, riding a rollercoaster of emotions that I didn’t understand. “You don’t find me fuckable after all.”

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” he groused. “I made my position clear back there before you shot the whole thing down. Whatever is going on inside your head, I don’t get it, but my body still agrees with your sisters’ suggestion. I’m attracted to you. Can you accept that?”

So it was true. Toes did curl inside sneakers when a special person reached out through the fog and gave CPR to one’s sick heart.

He still wanted me. Lovable was a stretch, but maybe I was fuckable after all.

The keen edge of my need vibrated at a high frequency.

For a moment, I dared to dream of all that Kai and I could be.

Taking a deep breath, I swept my gaze over the wild beauty around me.

The dramatic cliffs reached toward the sky.

The cove’s bejeweled waters shimmered below.

This place. It was just like me—wild, isolated, remote.

Like my lighthouse, but even more inaccessible; like my soul, although perhaps less feral.

A bunch of random emotions clogged my throat. Fear. Sadness. Confusion. Unfulfilled desires and cravings I’d ignored for years. I craved human touch—no—I craved Kai’s touch, his kisses, his powerful arms propping me up when I was tired. Or weak.

Could I ever allow myself to be tired and weak in front of him?

It struck me that I needed Kai. I needed him like an island needs a bridge to be part of the world.

For the first time since I could remember, I questioned my life’s priorities, my no-man, no-relationship rule, my inability to deviate from my path, and my rigid view of the world.

And then, because those questions didn’t rock my foundations hard enough, I shocked myself with a different question.

Why not?

“Cece?” The urgency in Kai’s voice kicked me out of my head.

“Kai?”

“Get down.” He flattened on the ground. “We’ve got company.”