Page 27 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

Cece

The moment my feet hit Serenity’s deck, I stomped to my berth and slammed the door behind me. After kicking off my shoes and ripping off my clothes, I got into the shower and scrubbed the dirt off me with a vengeance. Sunset at the ridge felt like a dream. And then…

What the hell had happened up there?

You lost your mind, that’s what happened. You gave in to him and lost yourself in his arms, forgetting your pride and sense of self.

I scrubbed my scalp until the shampoo’s suds dripped down from my head.

This was too much. First, Kai and I had that improbable conversation about my sisters’ hunches and this odd connection, an attraction I felt even now.

Somehow, the notion had gotten through my defenses and infiltrated my psyche.

I guessed that when a scientist had visual hallucinations, believing in hunches and connections became a thing.

Second, I’d had to deal with the terror of watching those mercs come so close to finding us, followed by the jubilation I felt when they left. It’d been a terrifying rollercoaster. If all of that was not enough, the sunset had transformed the ridge into the most romantic place in the world.

Romantic. Shit. I wanted to smack something or someone. That thought summarized the extent of my delusions. I shoved my head under the shower and stared at the drain as it sucked in the suds in the same inescapable way Kai had pulled me into his orbit.

But Kai had looked so handsome in the golden light, so perfect as his aura merged with dusk’s timeless blues. He was so alluring to my senses. Put all of that together, and… disaster.

Okay, so the orgasms had been good. No, not good; amazing. I’d discovered a new kind of pleasure riding Kai’s fingers, one that I’d never felt before with a guy. This was my little secret. Kai had broken the streak. Good news?

Sure, but then he’d pushed me away.

In an instant, he’d gone from hot and passionate to cold and distant. When I offered him release, he’d grown so rigid I feared he might break. With a big, fat “no,” he’d rejected me. Perhaps I would’ve felt differently if he’d allowed me to return the favor?

But did he?

Nope .

Not even a fucking nibble.

I put all my anger into turning off the shower.

He’d been smart when I’d been a fool, strong when I’d thrown out my convictions.

He’d held on to his discipline and dignity and kept his dick in his pants.

Oh, I knew his dick wanted me. I’d seen it jutting out of the lycra, felt it rubbing against me.

But the damn man kept what I’d lost: self-control.

I trudged out of the shower and snatched a towel. Why did he kiss me like that? I rubbed the terrycloth over my skin until it stung. Why did he touch me all over and make me burn so hot that I went liquid inside?

So fine, he’d heard me this morning. But I had a perfectly capable hand. I wiggled my fingers before my face. Perhaps his fingers were bigger, better, and more capable. Okay, a lot more capable. But I didn’t need him or his help to get off.

I couldn’t make sense of his actions. Of his reaction. One moment, he’d been all passion and desire. The next moment, he’d turned into an icicle. Had he faked his emotions? Did he do me out of pity or what? Did he see it as part of his job?

I couldn’t think of a worse insult. Humiliation burned my cheeks. Tonight, he had his self-esteem intact, whereas my self-esteem lay at my feet in tatters.

Like you ever had any self-esteem.

Shut up!

I couldn’t let it happen again. I’d gotten trapped in the wishful hope of his what-ifs. Reality hit too late. No matter how skillful he was or how wonderful I felt, I had to regain control of myself.

I slung the towel over the rim of the shower, marched to the wardrobe, and threw open the door.

What would happen if this became a habit?

If this somehow progressed into more intimacy?

Intimacy was a curse word to me, not something I’d ever aspired to before.

And what would I do if I let him have the run of my body—even if it was only for a few days—and then he dropped me at the first opportunity because I was such a cantankerous bitch?

What then, Cece?

A stray thought got in the way of my perfectly reasonable arguments. If it happened again, would I be able to climax in the same body and soul-shattering way I’d come at the ridge?

Cece! I yanked my panties on. This is nothing to be proud of. It’s not funny!

Affie’s giggles rang in my head . It is a little funny . Her amused voice echoed in my mind . But only because you are you. This is exactly how my snarky sister would’ve teased me had she been around.

I grabbed a T-shirt and jammed my head and arms in it.

My weakness for this man shamed me. I’d set my pride aside and broken my rules and my boundaries.

Sure, it’d felt awesome, but it also went against everything I believed in.

I plopped down on the bed and squeezed my head between my hands.

How was that for a new definition of failure?

A knock came from the door.

“Cece?” Kai’s voice drifted into my cabin. “It was a long day. I made us some food—”

“I’m not hungry,” I snapped, ignoring the growl in my belly. “Go away.”

“If I’ve offended you—”

“You didn’t.” I’d offended myself.

“If you’d like to talk—”

“No talking necessary.” He’d said it all up there with his actions. He could do me, but I couldn’t do him. How was that for an uneven exchange? “Leave me alone. I’ve got work to do.”

“If that’s what you want…” He let out a sigh on the other side of the door.

“I promise I won’t bother you again, but I’m leaving some food by the door.

” The small rattle of silverware came through as he settled what I guessed was a plate on the landing outside my berth.

“Please eat, Sorceress. You did a lot today. You need the calories.”

“Leave it if you want,” I called out, opening the case and sliding the laptop out. “If I get hungry, I’ll grab it.”

“Okay.” His voice sounded oddly hesitant. “Good night.”

I didn’t bother with a reply. I was a fool, but I knew he was right about me needing to eat something. It was sweet of him to think of me.

No, you idiot! Not sweet! Manipulative! Like most men I knew .

His offer of food was more likely a honey trap to draw me out of my room.

To talk. Blah, blah, blah. Well, guess what?

I didn’t want to talk. Instead, I wanted to forget everything that had happened on the ridge.

I’d wait until he went to sleep to fetch whatever food he’d left and devour every morsel.

With a huff, I relied on my fallback position to deal with the bitterness inside.

I put on my glasses, turned on my computer, and went to work, cataloguing all the data I’d collected in the last few weeks.

I’d never had time to draw up comparison tables.

Well, now I had the time and the wrath to power me into overdrive.

***

Kai

Cece hadn’t spoken to me for two days straight. The woman’s capacity for anger was astounding. She barely came out of her cabin. When she did, she grabbed the food I left ready on the counter and avoided eye contact with me.

She’d only addressed me twice with the same question. “Any news?” she’d demanded in her haughtiest Astor tone. “When the hell are we getting out of here?”

It irked me that I had no news for her, but things had been quiet, too quiet for comfort. What were Tracker Team and Booming Voice up to?

It pained me even more that I had zero access to Cece.

I didn’t have to be a genius like her to know she was angry with me, and yet I wasn’t sure exactly what had set her off.

Not true. I knew. I’d gone blank on her.

Mute. Cold. Not because of her, but because of the memories.

I thought I’d covered it up, but failed at that as well.

I’d tried apologizing, but she’d cut me off.

What was I gonna do about it?

My morning meditation didn’t help. Since I didn’t like confusion, I craved clarification as much as I craved her.

Even now, as I sat before my navigation station, checking my surveillance systems, my dick confirmed that last part.

Every time I thought of Cece, the bastard went stiff.

Since she dominated my thoughts, this happened way too often.

For a dude who liked his Zen, I wasn’t doing well.

As I scrolled through my monitors, reviewing the cameras’ footage, I could hear her in her cabin, pummeling her keyboard furiously, cursing aloud every once in a while.

I’d just cleaned up after returning from my evening patrol.

Pushing myself to the limit, I’d added speed and clicks to my hikes, and then swam for hours across the cove to work out my frustrations.

I needed to do something different.

Cece mattered to me. It was more than a feeling. It was a conviction, and maybe someday, if I could get over my hangups, I could matter to her. I wanted to get better, to move forward, to be free of the memories. But Cece had stamina. How long could she stay mad at me?

A long, long time, K-man.

I blew out a puff of air. The woman had a rare capacity to drive me insane.

It rankled me that while I wanted us to engage with each other, the distance she put between us gave me a reprieve, or better yet, an excuse not to confront the memories and own my failures.

I should talk to her. Explain, maybe. Or maybe not.

She didn’t want to talk to me, and what was there to explain?

The past was the past. I’d worked on my issues for a long time, and still didn’t know what to say to her.

As I brought up my radars on the screens, the sight of several pulsing red dots spread throughout the sea and the islands caught my attention. I leaned closer to the monitors. A slow smirk stretched my lips.

Oorah . Good news at last.

Tracker Team had not been idle. My teammates had advanced our plan. They had attached covert trackers to a significant number of watercrafts. These trackers marked the boats as participants in the NWO’s search and were only detectable to our systems.

The trackers gave me the ability to monitor the boats and the mercs’ search patterns even more closely. My crew had no doubt gone on some gnarly underwater adventures to achieve our goal. My smirk expanded. I leaned back in my chair and sent a mental mahalo to my friends.

They were getting up close and personal with our enemies.

Most of the boats on the screen were stationary at this late hour. They were anchored or moored in marinas for the night. One vessel captured my attention. This one was still moving on a heading toward the nearest marina, and yet it pinged at a different frequency.

I pulled up the live satellite image, amplified it, and compared it to the RHIB we’d encountered earlier.

Sure enough. It was the same boat, and even in the darkness, I spotted the colossal shape of the Stetson-wearing merc.

He was the reason the guys had pinged this boat with a different frequency.

To let me know it was the leader’s boat.

My guys were fucking awesome.

Booming Voice had survived Cece and me, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the asshole found himself in a fight for his life soonish, maybe even tonight.

I wished I could establish direct comms with the guys, to warn them about the brute’s nine lives.

Hell, a little talk with my best friend Goof would do me good just about now.

But direct contact risked giving away Serenity ’s position.

Silence and stealth were the best protections I could afford Cece, and even if she never spoke to me again, I would always protect her.

Working the keys, I programmed the system to monitor the frequency of the tracker for Booming Voice’s boat. Knowing his location allowed me to monitor him better. The hard-to-kill merc was a threat. I wouldn’t underestimate him. If he came my way again, I’d be ready for him.

Tracker Team’s success helped me get some of my Zen back. It was amazing what a little success could do for a guy’s mood. While I ran a full system check, I reviewed everything I knew about Cece. I questioned my assumptions. What could I do to change this untenable situation?

I had an idea. It offered a strategy, and it soon morphed into a plan. It was too late to implement it tonight, and perhaps a little sneaky on my part, but hell, I was desperate and I wasn’t a quitter. I was gonna get Cece Astor talking to me again. I hadn’t given up on her just yet. Or on myself.