Page 42 of Kai (Alpha Heroes #13)

Cece

“Good morning, Sorceress.” Kai’s voice startled me out of my trance. “The water looks awesome today. Doesn’t it?”

Startled, I whipped my head around and found him sitting cross-legged on the trampoline. I hadn’t seen him there, but then again, I’d been chasing fish. Or something else. I wasn’t sure what that was.

My face ignited with a flush. Had Kai been there all along?

He wore only a pair of board shorts printed with tropical flowers.

The sun kissed his bare shoulders and chest, worshiping his brown skin and highlighting the elegant definition of his muscles, the strength of his limbs, and the perfect shape of his long-fingered hands, which were draped over his knees.

From where I stood, his eyes looked like slashes carved into his handsome face, but his gaze sparkled with an emotion that tensed his features. The sight of him sitting with his back ramrod straight and his attention lasered on me slammed me back to the now.

I must have gasped because he flashed the ghost of a smile. “Did I surprise you?”

“How…?” I blinked several times.

I felt disoriented but also pulled to him, anchored to his form as firmly as Serenity to her moorings. Even though he didn’t move a muscle, his stare held on to me, a physical grip that steadied me.

How long had I been standing up here, staring at the water? Had I considered breaking my promise to Nix? Had I forgotten everything my brother taught me?

I couldn’t let him down. I couldn’t let myself down. Whatever this was, it had only happened in my head.

Knees wobbly, I lifted one leg, brought it around, and settled my foot on the deck. I did the same with my other leg. Fighting for balance, I braced my feet on the deck, even though I had to steady myself on the railing. Kai just stared at me, saying nothing.

“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked when I could steady my voice.

“A while.”

“I was tracking a school of fish.” I forced a fake grin onto my face.

He cocked his eyebrows. “There’s no need for you to pretend with me.”

His words hit me in the solar plexus, but I was good at pretending, so I asked a question instead. “What are you doing over there?”

“Meditating,” he replied. “It’s how I like to start my day. Wanna join me?”

“My mind’s too busy.” I released the railing and found my legs held. “My thoughts go too fast.”

“Are you scared of listening to the silence within?”

“Isn’t that an oxymoron?” I scrunched my nose. “What’s the point of listening to silence?”

“Peace,” he said. “A sense of self. Connection.”

“Connection with what?”

“With your soul, spark, spirit, whatever you wanna call it. With your essence. With the universe.”

I cocked my eyebrows at him. “God?”

“Why not if that’s your take?” He paused and studied my face. “You look tired. Rough night?”

“I’ve had better.”

“Sit with me.” He stretched out his hand. “Please?”

Abandoning my mug where it stood, I negotiated the trampoline’s bounce and made my way to him. I eased down next to him, my body stiff, my mind whirling with unease.

“Relax.” He uncrossed his legs and, after leaning back on the window, coiled an arm over my shoulder and pulled me to him. “There’s nothing to fear at this moment. I checked the radars. We’re in the clear. Breathe, Cece. Just breathe.”

I took a big inhale, stretched my legs before me, and allowed myself to lean against him. His heat filtered through the touch of our skin, seeping into me like sunshine. His hold grounded and reassured me.

“Close your eyes and breathe in for four, three, two, one,” he whispered, doing the same. “Hold it for four.” I locked the oxygen in my lungs. “Let it go for six, five, four, three, two, one.”

He led me through the breathing exercise for a few minutes. At some point, he stopped counting aloud. The fresh air felt like medicine to me. The migraine eased. Slowly, I relaxed against him.

After a little while, I felt calm and focused. Maybe there was something to this breathing slash meditation thing. I sighed and opened my eyes. “Where did you learn your calming magic?”

“The Marines trained me.” He smiled. “Although I learned the basics of it before I joined, when I spent a few months in a Buddhist monastery in Nepal.”

“Nepal?”

“I was on a learning kick,” he moved on before I could ask more questions. “It’s a useful skill to have, especially when you’ve got to ground yourself or catch some Zs in a combat zone.”

“For sure.” When I found the courage to speak again, I asked, “Are you mad at me?”

He drew his eyebrows together. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Last night?” I met his eyes. “Today?”

“I’m not mad.” His chest rose with a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t include you in the meeting. I prioritized your safety and rest, but now I understand your need to know.”

“Because I’m a control freak,” I huffed, staring at my hands.

“Because you’ve fought hard to take your life’s reins,” he said instead. “Plus, you’re curious, smart, and resourceful. You deserve access to information so that you can make your own decisions. I’d planned to share every bit of info with you. Is now a good time?”

He briefed me quickly on the intel Javier and Micah had shared. When he was done, I allowed my gaze to roam over the water. Decked in azures and aquas, the cove sparkled like a rare jewel. There was no judgment in Kai’s silence. He was all presence and support.

“I was awful last night,” I ventured. “I’m not proud when my weaknesses show up.”

“Pain is not a weakness,” he offered quietly. “It’s a condition, part of the human experience, as is suffering. It’s a good thing if you learn from it.”

I met his eyes. “How can pain be a good thing?”

“From pain, we learn health.”

I opened my mouth and closed it. Was that how it worked?

“You’ve got a highly evolved concept of pain, Obi-Kai Kenobi.”

He smiled, settled a hand on my face, and turned my head. “I’m a good listener.”

My throat croaked with a swallow. “I’m sorry about some of my behavior last night.” Apologies were hard for me, but I pushed on. “I had reasons for what I did, but—”

“I know,” he said and left it at that.

I hesitated to break the silence again. “Was I a total asshole to Javier?”

“Yes.” No lies from Kai, and yet he compensated with a wry smile. “But he understands where you’re coming from, and he’s a big boy. His ego is not as fragile as you think. He can take as well as he can give.”

“Yeah,” I admitted reluctantly. “I noticed.”

“The guy has gone through a lot of shit in the last three years,” Kai said. “He was by Nix’s side when he died.”

I snapped my back straight. “What did you say?”

“Guzman served under Nix,” Kai explained. “Your brother tried to outflank the tangos laying fire on his unit. He got caught in the crossfire. Javier went after Nix. He almost got him out, but they got hit with mortar fire. Javier got hurt that day.”

The breath shot out of my lungs. It was my rotten luck that on the day I had to vet someone, that someone had been the man who had attempted to save my brother’s life.

“Oh, shit.” I slapped my forehead. “Now I really feel like an asshole.”

“There’s more,” Kai continued. “Guzman infiltrated hostile territory to find Missy. He protected her from the NWO and walked through a nest of vipers to save Missy’s life.”

I frowned. “You’re talking figuratively, right?”

“Nope,” he assured me. “He almost died.”

I sank my face into my hands, then looked at him through my splayed fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me this before I was a royal bitch to Javier?”

“You didn’t ask, and I thought you’d want to hear the story directly from Missy.”

“Yup.” I threw my hands in the air and let them drop with a huff. “I’m a horrible person.”

“You’re not a horrible person,” he countered. “You wanted to protect Missy.”

It was my turn to cock my eyebrows at him. “You caught on to that, huh?”

“Being pretty doesn’t mean I’m dumb.” He teased me with a smile.

My lips curved up. This guy actually got me, and he didn’t seem to hold a grudge for long. Or at all. I huffed. Shame he couldn’t fall for me. Not that I could blame him.

“Guzman has been in the dumps since Nix died,” Kai said.

“That makes two of us.”

“But Missy changed that for him.”

“If anyone could pull someone out of a pit of despair, she’d be the one.”

“Just give the guy a chance.”

I expelled a gigantic sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He broadened his smile. “You mean it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll give him a chance, but if he—”

“Thank you.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “Question. Were you planning on giving me a heart attack or were you just now flirting with the water?”

“The only water flirt here is you. You love it. I suspect you have gills hidden somewhere. Based on what I’ve seen, you hide them in your ass crack.”

He burst out laughing. “That would be weird, not to mention unsanitary.”

“True.” I shrugged. “No gills then, but the ocean loves you.”

“I don’t know about that…”

This was the second time he had said something along those lines. I turned my head and was shocked to spot the sadness that dimmed his eyes.

“Kai?” I scooted around and sat facing him, knees to knees. “What happened?”

“I wanted to tell you, but…” He looked away.

“Whatever it is, I can handle it,” I said. “Please. Give me a chance to handle it.”

He swept his gaze over the cove. His eyes gained a distant glimmer.

My stomach roiled, and suddenly I wished I hadn’t asked.

Although I’d dealt with a lot of shit in my life, I wasn’t sure I could handle the storm darkening Mr. Sunshine’s gaze.

I felt more than saw the spike of sorrow I’d so carelessly dug out of him.

Yeah. I was gonna die a bitch.

***

Kai

The time of my reckoning had arrived. I felt it in my bones. It was now or never, and never was the option that cut me off from Cece for good. I took a deep breath, called on my guts to rise to the occasion, and charged forward like a platoon running toward the fight.