Page 46 of Is This Real or Just Pretend?

Alex returned home that evening later than ever before.

She had stayed in her office reviewing contracts and marking up reports until the words swam before her aching eyes and her back felt as stiff as a board.

Until she reached her limits, both physically and mentally.

Then she rode home in a daze, her mind blessedly empty of thoughts and recriminations.

At this hour she expected her family to either be out or abed and she sent up a silent prayer as she stepped into the quiet entryway and gave her cloak and gloves to the sleepy-eyed footman.

Then she padded up the stairs toward her room, too tired to even ring for a tray.

It wasn’t until she had closed her bedroom door, turned up the gas lamp, and begun unbuttoning her bodice that she noticed someone in the corner.

Freddie tugged on the lamp beside her with a well-timed dramatic flair and, even in her addled state, Alex was willing to bet she had practiced the motion at least several times.

“I’ve been waiting ages for you.”

Alex didn’t even try to hide her tired sigh as her gaze traveled over her sister. She was in her nightgown and slippers with a book on her lap. Alex narrowed her eyes. “With the light off?”

But Freddie merely lifted her chin in challenge. “No, I heard your carriage out front and set the scene.”

Something about this proud admission made Alex’s lips twitch with amusement, but she wasn’t in the mood for Freddie’s inquisition. “Can we leave the bevy of accusations for tomorrow? I’m really quite tired.”

Freddie set the book aside and came to her feet. “I’m not here to accuse you of anything.”

“No?” Alex couldn’t hide her surprise.

“I came to see if you are all right.”

Well, this was not what she had expected. Somehow that was almost worse. “I’m fine,” she insisted even as her shoulders hunched.

Her sister tilted her head. “It would be understandable if you weren’t.”

“You’re speaking of Lucien, I assume,” Alex said primly.

Freddie huffed a laugh. “You don’t need to pretend with me. I know you’re devastated.”

“I assure you, I am not,” Alex began. “We had an agreement. If you don’t believe me, ask Papa. He can confirm everything. Whatever you saw, it was only an act. A mutually beneficial arrangement that has come to its natural conclusion.” She finished this little speech with a decisive nod.

There. Now that it was all out in the open, she wouldn’t have to continue with this farce and play the part of the jilted woman.

“Oh, Alex,” Freddie sighed and shook her head. “You poor thing.”

“It’s true . Ask Papa,” she repeated, hating how desperate she sounded. “He’ll tell you we set it up.”

“For heaven’s sake, I know that,” Freddie snapped. “It was terribly obvious you were up to something at Mother’s birthday. And while I was furious in the beginning, neither you nor Lucien are that good at acting. Especially you .”

Alex opened her mouth, then closed it. She could hardly deny that.

“But then, after seeing you together that night at the theater,” Freddie began. “Well, I understood why—” She broke off and shook her head. “It just made a kind of sense. That’s all.”

“And yet you told quite the opposite to Benjamin Chisolm,” Alex said with far more bitterness than she would have liked.

Freddie’s face blanched and she looked down. “Yes. I’m sorry about that. I’ll admit I was feeling rather pitiful that evening. When he pestered me about you and Lucien, I eventually made some unkind insinuations.”

Alex pursed her lips. So Benjamin had been trying to sniff them out. That put Freddie in a better light than the version he had told.

Then her sister glanced up and her gaze sharpened with curiosity. “At the time I thought he was just being a nosy gossip. But if he actually brought it up to you, that’s rather forward. Especially for a mere acquaintance,” she added in a suggestive tone.

“So you aren’t mad at me for Lucien anymore?” Alex said instead.

Freddie sighed and mulled over the question. “I do like him,” Freddie said. “But not that way. And certainly not after seeing you together.”

Alex let out a dry laugh. “Am I really so repelling to you?”

“No,” Freddie drew out the word. “But I am quite certain I would have come to the same conclusion even without your interference.”

“Congratulations, then, on realizing you are in love with your fiancé,” she said dryly.

Freddie’s gaze darted away and she shifted on her feet. “About that…”

“Oh, Freddie.” Alex pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Just—just listen,” her sister said with a petulant little stamp of her foot. “I was fully prepared to marry Hank Jr. Was even looking forward to it. But then I…”

“Met someone?” Alex offered in the silence that followed. “If you don’t love Lucien,” she continued, “and you don’t love Hank Jr., then it stands to reason that someone else has captured your interest.”

“You make me sound hopelessly fickle,” Freddie said crossly.

“ Are you?”

Freddie swallowed and stared at a spot on the rug.

“Perhaps I was before. I can admit that. But this… this feels much different,” she murmured.

Then she looked to Alex. “That’s why I came here.

Because I can’t just stand back and watch you throw away your chance at happiness.

Most people don’t ever get to experience what you have with Lucien. ”

“Freddie—”

But her sister grabbed her hands then and gave them an urgent squeeze. “If you feel even a quarter of what I feel, you need to take this chance. Lucien loves you, Alex. I saw it yesterday with my own eyes. The man is truly lost to you.”

It took a few tries but Alex finally swallowed past the lump in her throat. “That may have been the case when you saw him, but he feels very differently now. I am quite certain.”

She then tugged on her hands but Freddie would not let go. “Are you?”

Alex had to turn away from her pleading gaze. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s gone.”

“He hasn’t disappeared off the face of the earth, Alex,” Freddie pressed. “Go after him.”

“Absolutely not.” She still had some pride left.

“And you will let him go? Just like that?”

“It is for the best,” Alex said with finality.

Freddie flinched. “That is a coward’s excuse,” she bit off with such vehemence Alex wondered if this mystery suitor hadn’t used the very same reason with her.

“Perhaps,” Alex allowed. “But it is also the truth. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it.”

Freddie released her then and took a step back. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt sorry for you before,” she murmured.

“I find that hard to believe. Most of London feels sorry for me.”

Ice queen. Spinster. Heartless shrew.

How many times had she heard those words, and not once had they ever bothered her. Until now. Because they must be true.

But this time her sister had no sharp retort. No snappy rejoinder. She only looked at Alex with undisguised pity. “I hope you can live with yourself, then. Knowing you let your chance at love slip away. I know I couldn’t.”

Alex turned to the hearth and stared at the flames, trying to find the words to explain. To assure Freddie that she had no regrets about Lucien. That she was confident in her decision. But when she finally looked back, Freddie was gone.

After Alex irrevocably ended things between them, Lucien left Park House and went straight to Alain’s hotel to ask for a job.

The only place available at the moment was as a kitchen grunt, someone to peel potatoes and chop vegetables and clean dishes.

It was well beneath his experience, but Lucien was desperate so he took it on the condition that he start the following week.

He needed to see his father first. The condition was granted and Lucien left for Bunbury on the early train the next morning.

He needed to reassure his father that he was well on the mend and also get an update on his own health.

Lucien didn’t think Alex or Mr. Atkinson would retaliate against his father, but it was better to be prepared.

Now that Lucien was merely hurt instead of hurt and angry, he regretted his parting words to Alex.

He couldn’t make her want to be with him and it was stupid to assume that their lone night together would be as earth-shattering for her as it had been for him.

He felt like the naive, immature lad Alex must see him as.

He wished he could be as controlled as she was, but Lucien simply didn’t have the stomach for it.

Better to live life with his heart on his sleeve than locked up in a box somewhere.

He departed the train and as he descended the platform, the parallels between today and his last visit to Bunbury were not lost on him.

How much had changed in a handful of weeks.

But this time there was no Freddie to offer him a ride, so Lucien made the two-mile trek to Atkinson House on foot.

He almost wished he had missed Freddie the first time too.

That he had never renewed his acquaintance with her and thus never lost his heart to Alex.

As he rounded the bend in the road and the large Georgian mansion came into view, Lucien came to a stop.

No, despite the very real pain in his chest, he could not regret what had happened.

Then he let out a helpless little laugh.

It had taken him years to move on from Freddie and that had been entirely one-sided.

It stood to reason then that he would be pining for Alex for the rest of his life.

He let out a resigned sigh, adjusted the strap of his battered satchel, and continued on.

So be it, then. He was used to torch-bearing.

When Lucien finally arrived at the carriage house, he was surprised to see his father not only out of bed but waxing the landau with smooth, vigorous strokes. He glanced up at the sound of Lucien’s footsteps, and then his face broke out into a wide smile.

“There he is!”