Page 34 of Is This Real or Just Pretend?

Lucien stifled a yawn with the back of his hand as he entered the lecture room of the Royal Geographical Society.

It was only a few minutes before the discussion started, but most of the attendees hadn’t taken their seats yet and instead milled about the room happily chatting with one another.

Lucien looked for Alex’s stiff form, but his heart sank.

She wasn’t here. He quickly took an empty seat at the back and braced his elbows on his thighs.

If she didn’t come tonight, he needed a plan.

He had left Alex’s office the night before convinced that she was the most maddening, impossible woman he had ever encountered.

Their exchange echoed in his head as he stormed into Alain’s flat, while he stripped down to his smallclothes, and as he scrubbed her scent from his face and body.

Then he flung himself onto a chair and glared up at the ceiling.

After all, a woman like me would be lucky to have an offer from a man like him.

Lucien let out a groan and pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes.

Maddening, impossible, and irritatingly insightful.

For until the truth of her past with Chisolm left her lips, it had been all too easy to imagine her as the wounded party.

As the lonely, heartbroken young woman burying herself in work to forget the pain of rejection.

This realization stripped the undeserved anger from his bones.

But it was the certainty in her words and bearing that left him tossing and turning for most of the night.

Because it was proof that he wasn’t any better. That he saw her just like everyone else.

And for that Lucien was thoroughly ashamed of himself.

I thought I was in love

But had Alex loved him? Was she even capable of the emotion? She spoke of intimacy the same way she talked of stock portfolios and investment capital. Lucien had wanted her to rage at him. To tear off that mask of cool indifference. But he knew the exact moment he lost her.

I don’t need your pity.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as his irritation began to rise anew. If only Alex were here he could try to—

“Mr. Taylor.”

Lucien glanced up in the direction of the mildly disapproving voice and locked eyes with Alex’s formidable aunt.

She came.

He scrambled to his feet and bobbed his head. “Mrs. Bailey,” he said while trying to cast a furtive glance behind her.

In response, the older woman let out an exasperated huff. “Alexandra will be here in a moment. She is in the hallway speaking with Mrs. LaSalle.”

Lucien gave a distracted nod and glanced eagerly toward the doorway. “Good. Wonderful. I’m very glad she is here.”

Mrs. Bailey narrowed her eyes. “Yes. I wanted to speak with you before she returns. About your… courtship.”

The hesitation in her voice drew his full attention.

“Madame?”

“I was a great fan of your mother. She made her way in the world through a mixture of talent and sheer will I couldn’t help but admire.”

“Thank you—”

She held up a hand. “Let me finish. Your father, however, always struck me as being more concerned with finding new ways to sneak in a few more chapters than excelling at his job.”

Lucien was sorely tempted to point out that there weren’t very many ways to excel beyond performing the task of driving Mr. Atkinson around, but he held his tongue. Besides, Mrs. Bailey wasn’t exactly wrong, as finding new ways to read more was one of the chief driving forces of his father’s life.

“Now, I may be a spoiled old woman, but I am not a snob. I don’t care that your father is the coachman and your mother was the cook.

Not if you truly care for Alexandra. I say all this because I have not yet decided which of your parent’s traits you have inherited: the drive of your mother, or the opportunism of your father.

And I am quite interested to see which wins out. ”

Lucien cleared his throat and nodded. He understood her skepticism, even while finding it deeply insulting.

“My niece is very dear to me,” Mrs. Bailey continued.

“And while she would be mortified if she knew I was saying any of this to you, I know how it can feel to be a woman out of step with society. The endless whispers, the deliberate exclusions, the outright lies. She has experienced all of it and bears it with more grace than anyone I know. But while her independence is one of her best qualities, a certain amount of loneliness can follow, if she isn’t careful. ”

“She doesn’t seem very lonely to me,” Lucien said, in an attempt to defend Alex.

But Mrs. Bailey shook her head in frustration.

“I’m not speaking of now , but years in the future.

Her sisters will marry soon. They will have families of their own.

And some day even she won’t be able to spend all her time in that blasted office!

” Mrs. Bailey punctuated this with a little stamp of her foot.

He glanced around the room, but her outburst seemed to have gone unnoticed—that, or people were polite enough to ignore it.

A large gentleman was watching the both of them from across the room and just as recognition began to kindle in his mind, Alex entered and his thoughts scattered.

As their gazes tangled, she stopped short and a look of hesitance crossed her face.

This uncharacteristic display of wariness struck a place deep within him and brought a single thought to the surface.

He didn’t want her to feel unsure. Ever.

Especially about him. As the corner of his mouth curved in greeting, Alex’s dark eyes fixed on it.

Come here , Lucien tried to say. Stand beside me.

After a moment, she took a halting step forward. Then another. His smile widened just as Mrs. Bailey tapped his forearm with her fan and he was obligated to tear his attention away from Alex. She gave him a smug smile and leaned closer.

“I, for one, am dearly hoping drive wins,” she murmured before turning to address Alex. “There you are. Take my seat. I’ve just spotted a gentleman I haven’t seen in many years and must accost him immediately about this oversight.”

Alex obeyed her aunt’s command and dutifully moved to the chair beside Lucien, which she took without looking at him. He held back a sigh and sat down. This was going to be difficult.

“I was worried you wouldn’t come tonight,” he said after a moment.

Alex swallowed and lifted her chin but kept her gaze firmly in front of her. “You should know by now that I always honor my business agreements, Mr. Taylor. No matter what.”

Lucien’s first instinct was to retreat, but he resisted. “Business agreements,” he repeated slowly, letting his tongue linger on the words. It felt as silly as it sounded.

When he didn’t say anything more, Alex reluctantly turned to him. “That’s what this is,” she insisted. “Or have you forgotten?”

He stared into her eyes, watching with relief as her pupils grew. Lucien might not be certain of much where Alex was concerned, but he knew she was attracted to him. “No, I haven’t forgotten. But I do think I have misunderstood.”

Just as her brow furrowed in confusion, a man with a large gray mustache approached the lectern and began to introduce the speaker. Alex gave Lucien another wary glance before facing forward.

Alex barely heard a word of the hour-long lecture, which was a pity as she had been looking forward to it. Instead, her mind turned over the words Lucien had muttered half to himself just before the lecture began.

I do think I have misunderstood.

Misunderstood what ?

When the roar of applause filled the room, Alex nearly jumped out of her seat.

She looked around in a daze before joining in and caught Lucien shooting her a knowing smile.

Alex frowned in return. She didn’t like this feeling he brought out in her.

It was as if she were standing on a small, slippery rock. One wrong move and she would fall.

Alex had come here tonight prepared to endure his company for the sake of appearances, and fully expected his enthusiasm level to match her own.

But then he had smiled at her when she entered the room.

The kind of private little smile she had seen her parents exchange hundreds of times.

One that spoke of a kind of intimacy that had always remained a mystery to her, until now.

It had brought her to a complete stop, yet she still felt the floor shift beneath her feet.

Do not fall.

Despite this admonishment, it still took her a moment to recover herself enough to move.

And still he smiled, watching her with an unfamiliar kind of interest that was both intoxicating and terrifying.

It was something of a relief when her aunt distracted him enough that she could continue unobserved.

Now, though, his attention had shifted away from the speaker to her once more.

Alex focused even harder on the empty lectern. “Fascinating, wasn’t it?” But this attempt at levity failed and the words came out strangled. Tight. Affected.

“Very.”

She cleared her throat at his deep murmur. And why must he continue to watch her? The man very well knew what she looked like. And yet, she could practically feel his gaze wandering over her cheek, the slope of her nose, down her neck—

“Alex,” he prompted.

She turned to him then only in a vain attempt to hide the blush fighting to escape her collar and raised an eyebrow, as if everything were perfectly normal between them.

As if his fingers hadn’t been inside her, urging her toward release.

As if she hadn’t stroked him to completion in her own office.

This man.

As she met his eyes, full once again of that damned spark of understanding, the weight of all that had passed between them suddenly pressed down on her.