Page 36 of Is This Real or Just Pretend?

As soon as Lucien caught sight of Alex entering the room, he made his excuses to the gentleman who had been talking his ear off for the last fifteen minutes.

About what, Lucien couldn’t even recall.

His only thoughts had been for Alex. Namely, what he would say to her and, more important, what she would say in return.

He weaved through the crowd toward her, unable to stop a genuine smile from spreading across his face.

But as Lucien grew closer, his step faltered.

Alex looked pale and drawn, while she clenched and unclenched her hands with a kind of nervous tension Lucien had never seen from her before.

Then she turned sharply to him. As their eyes met, Lucien knew.

She was going to end this tonight. End it now.

He could feel the smile fall away from his lips and his steps begin to drag. But there was no avoiding this. Nothing he could do to change her mind.

Lucien shoved his hands in his pockets as he moved beside her. “Well, then. Have you something to say to me?”

She cleared her throat and stood a little straighter, as if her puffed-out chest was a kind of armor. “I believe our association has come to its natural end.”

He let out a dispirited laugh at the primness in her voice. This woman who had fallen apart from his touch. “Oh, do you? Funny, I signed a contract that says otherwise.”

Alex’s eyes briefly fluttered closed. “I am voiding our contract.”

Lucien licked his lips. “On what grounds?” He forced his voice to remain steady. Controlled. “You know damn well I haven’t broken your morality clause.”

“I do.”

Her soft reply only angered him further. “Then why ?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Benjamin spoke to me just now. He is very keen for you to accept his offer. And I think you should take it,” she explained calmly, slowly.

As if he were an unruly dog that needed to be brought to heel.

“He’s a bit sore that you’ve been avoiding him, though, so it will be less than you originally discussed—” Lucien barked a laugh.

“But,” she continued with a silencing look. “I will make up the difference.”

“Absolutely not,” Lucien scoffed. “Forget the money, I don’t want to partner with him on principle.”

“But—”

He turned his whole body toward her. “I told you I don’t trust him,” he hissed.

“You must,” she urged. “He will ruin your good name if you don’t. And I—I won’t be able to protect you.”

Lucien stared into her pleading eyes. “Is he threatening you?”

Alex glanced away. “It’s… complicated.” Then she shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“I really did want to help you. But now all I’ve managed is to force you into a business relationship.”

He took her arm. “You haven’t forced me into anything.”

She let out a sigh. “Lucien, if you don’t partner with him, he will ruin your reputation.”

“Then let him. What do I care if—”

“And my sisters.” At his silence, she continued. “If it were just myself, then so be it. But Phoebe already has enough to deal with becoming a duchess and Freddie is one scandal short of being blackballed by society. I can’t… I can’t do that to them. No matter what I may want.”

“I see,” he murmured after a long moment, taking some comfort in the way her body visibly relaxed under his touch.

“Good,” she said with a nod. “I did make him promise that he would make a success of you.”

Lucien let out a dry laugh. “Well, that’s a relief.”

“And I will look over your contract. You won’t be bound to him forever,” she added, pressing her hand to his forearm for a brief moment.

Lucien stared at the spot before lifting his gaze to her face, where she watched him anxiously.

Was this how she expressed affection? In contracts and legalese and business dealings?

Was she trying to communicate her regard or was he simply looking for a scrap of meaning anywhere he could find it, like a hungry beggar in the doorway of a banquet?

“What about the board? Don’t you need me?”

But Alex shook her head. “I’ll think of something else. Or perhaps taking on the Ericsons as clients will be enough to prove my acumen once and for all.”

Suddenly a white-hot urge snaked through his veins.

The urge to take her firmly by the shoulders and refuse to let her go.

Not until she said something that couldn’t also double as recorded minutes from a board meeting.

Something real . As real as everything he felt for her.

Everything he had wanted to say. But he could still say them, couldn’t he?

Do it, then. If you’re so sure she’ll want to hear it. That she’ll fall into a swoon over you.

But instead Lucien kept his mouth shut. Kept all those pretty thoughts and feelings tucked safely away.

Because of course Alex wouldn’t swoon. She probably wouldn’t even blink.

He was Lucien Taylor, the son of the cook and the coachman.

He had been lucky she ever thought to bother with him at all.

Even if it had only been a ruse to keep him away from Freddie.

God, Freddie .

What Alex must think of him, claiming to be in love with her own sister but then gladly taking her favors. He was a cad. A walking embarrassment. Not even when he boarded the train to London with little more than the clothes on his back had he felt this pathetic.

She was right. Their association had come to an end. And not a moment too soon.

“All right, then. If that is what you think is best,” he said woodenly. “Consider our contract terminated. It was nice doing business with you, Miss Atkinson.” Then he gave her a stiff, short bow and walked out of the room.

Alex scanned the ballroom of Park House, taking in the array of guests enjoying her parents’ hospitality.

A month before, she would have been very pleased by the turnout—from a purely business-minded perspective, of course.

Personally, there were only a handful of people here that she could stand, and she was related to most of them.

But as her aunt had sagely noted, Will was a duke and dukes were expected to invite a certain kind of people.

Alex did note with pleasure that Phoebe had also invited all of her fellow schoolteachers, along with Inspector Holland, who somehow looked even more uncomfortable here than he had at the theater.

She had exchanged a congenial nod with him earlier before he slunk off to hold up a wall.

Now though, Alex took absolutely no pleasure in noting the attendance of various captains of industry.

For no matter how hard she looked, the one face she truly wished to see was not to be found among this crowd.

It had been a few days since she ended things with Lucien.

A few days since he walked out of her life without a backward glance—not that she deserved one anyway.

After they parted, she had walked blindly around the lecture hall until Marguerite found her and guided her to Aunt Winifred.

If they spoke on the way back home, Alex couldn’t recall a word.

When she woke the next morning, she went straight to the office and worked until her eyes ached.

Then Alex did the same thing the next day, and the next.

Work had saved her before when she needed to forget Benjamin and it would save her once again.

She was counting on it. Then this cursed engagement ball interrupted her schedule.

And if it had been for anyone other than two of her favorite people, she would have made some excuse.

But that wasn’t possible for Will and Phoebe.

And if the last few weeks had taught her anything, it was that Alex needed to keep the few people she loved very close.

Just as her throat began to tighten with emotion, someone who inspired the very opposite feeling approached.

“Alexandra! I was hoping to see you here.”

It was Mildred Henderson.

“A reasonable expectation, given that it is my sister’s engagement ball,” Alex said dryly.

Mildred let out a laugh, as if she had made a joke, and gestured to the nondescript man beside her. “This is my husband, Mr. Thomas Henderson.”

“How do you do,” Alex replied and wondered what on earth had made Mildred leave school early to marry this man. He seemed perfectly average to her. “I did not realize you knew my sister, or the duke.”

“We are quite good friends with Ellis,” Mildred said, using Will’s title, which Alex knew he absolutely hated and indicated that they were not, in fact, anything remotely close to good friends . “He and dear Thomas were at school together.”

At the mention of his name, dear Thomas gave a short bow and shot her a hesitant look. “I asked my wife to introduce us, actually.”

“Oh?” Alex said. That was genuinely surprising.

“The duke speaks very highly of your expertise,” he began. “And I—”

“Yes,” Mildred gracelessly interrupted him. “Dear Thomas is interested in investments and he is under the impression that you have some knowledge in that area.” She laughed again. “But I told him it is your father’s company.”

“Darling,” the man said tightly as an embarrassed flush stained his pale cheeks. “Miss Atkinson works there as well.”

“Oh, of course she does,” Mildred replied with a dismissive wave of her fan.

Alex began to suspect it was dear Thomas’s willingness to be bullied by Mildred that had been his greatest attraction. She almost felt sorry for him.

“Is that delightful Mr. Taylor here this evening?” Mildred asked while craning her neck. “I have not seen him.”

“No,” Alex said. “He is not.”

When it was clear she would not say anything more on the matter, Mildred pouted. “I am sorry to hear that. But chin up. There is still a little time left for you to find a husband.”

Alex did not reply to this remark and instead turned to Mr. Henderson, who looked absolutely mortified by his wife’s rude behavior. A pity he didn’t attempt to do anything about it.

“Come by our offices next week, if you wish. I am there every workday.”

The man broke into an eager smile that changed his demeanor entirely. “Thank you. I will.”

“Lovely to see you again, Alexandra!” Mildred trilled as she all but dragged him away.

Alex rolled her eyes in good-bye.

I am there every workday.

It was the truth, yet for some reason the thought caused a sinking feeling in her chest.

Before Alex could ruminate on it any further, Phoebe hurried over in a cloud of gold chiffon.

Mother really had outdone herself for Phoebe’s ballgown.

Even Alex could tell that it was beyond exquisite.

“Did you hear the news? Freddie is engaged! Hank Jr. proposed last night with the largest diamond I have ever seen.”

Alex blinked. Whatever relief she might have once felt at the news barely registered now. “Oh. That’s good,” she managed.

“I know I wasn’t very keen on their relationship before,” Phoebe began, “but she did seem happy when she was showing me the ring. Imagine, we could all be married within a year,” she said with a grin and then looked around. “Where is Lucien?”

“He isn’t coming.” And even though Alex made sure to sound controlled, some of the sorrow must have slipped in, for Phoebe immediately turned to her with concern.

“What’s happened?”

Everything.

Alex cleared her throat. “I ended things,” she said with a decided nod that must have looked as ridiculous as it felt.

“When?”

“Three days ago.”

Phoebe shook her head in disbelief. “But… why ?”

“I don’t want to get into it now,” Alex insisted. “This is your party and you should be celebrated accordingly. And please don’t say anything to Will. No one else knows yet. I told Mother and Father that Lucien was ill and couldn’t come tonight.”

Though that excuse wouldn’t work forever. Her father was already growing suspicious but had been too distracted with ball preparations to press her further. But after tonight, that would no longer be a distraction.

Phoebe put a hand on her shoulder. “Alex, I’m very sorry.”

Her throat tightened at the sympathy in her sister’s voice and Alex was sorely tempted to tell her the truth.

It wasn’t real anyway.

But she couldn’t manage the words. “It’s for the best,” she croaked instead.

Phoebe turned away as Will called to her from the dance floor. The orchestra had just struck up a waltz. “Oh, I wish I could stay with you, but—”

“Don’t worry about me,” Alex said with a wave. “Go enjoy yourself. I’ll be fine.”

And she would be. For Alex was always fine. But fine wasn’t the same as happy . She understood that now. All too well.

Phoebe shot her one last look before she joined Will. Freddie and Hank Jr. were also among the other dancing couples and as they swept past, the light of the chandelier caught on the ring and sparkled.

Phoebe was right. It was massive.

A smile played on her lips. Perhaps this would be all right. Perhaps Freddie would be happy in New York with Hank Jr. And if she wasn’t, well, now she could have Lucien.

Alex stepped away from the edge of the dance floor until her back touched the wall.

Until she was shrouded in shadows and would not draw any more attention.

Phoebe was mostly right. She and Freddie would both be married within the year, and Alex sincerely wished them every happiness.

She had played at courtship, and that had been more than enough for her.

Alex was cut from a different cloth and she needed to stop trying to fit in where she did not belong.

Tomorrow she would go back to the office and do what she did best. Do what she was made for.