Page 21 of Is This Real or Just Pretend?

As Lucien rode back to Hackney in the Atkinsons’ carriage, he couldn’t dispel the image of Alex’s face from his mind.

She had tried to hide the sly glances she kept giving Benjamin Chisolm all evening, but it had been clear enough to him that the man had caught her interest. The reason why it bothered him, however, was less clear.

And so what if Alex did still have a lingering tender for that man?

He had feelings for her own sister, after all.

Feelings that were very much a part of his present.

And yet, Lucien couldn’t help feeling a bit protective of her, especially when Chisolm had been quite clear about his own lack of affection for Alex.

Lucien would hate to see her hurt even while he acknowledged that she seemed imperviable to something as pedestrian as love .

Still, she had been more quiet than usual on the ride back to Park House and lost in her own thoughts.

But while Lucien and Mr. Atkinson discussed potential investors and stratagems, Alex tossed off sharp, insightful comments and pointed questions every so often as if she were flicking off specks of dust. It was, in Lucien’s opinion, a stunning performance that would have earned a round of applause in any board meeting.

Yet Mr. Atkinson barely seemed to notice or appreciate his daughter’s cunning perceptiveness.

Did he truly not see what an asset she was to him?

What a marvel? The more time Lucien spent with the family, the more he suspected that they did not, in fact, understand what they had in her.

To them she was as commonplace as the wallpaper.

Once the carriage arrived at Alain’s flat, Lucien made sure to climb out before Markham could open the door. It was dashed odd, having a man he had known since boyhood suddenly wait on him.

“Goodnight, Markham. Thank you for the ride,” Lucien said lightly, hoping it might dispel any awkwardness.

But as he looked up at the driver’s seat, there was no trace of disapproval in the older man’s face.

“My pleasure, Mr. Taylor. Glad to see you are doing well for yourself.”

Lucien ducked his head. “I’m trying, at least.”

“Your father is very proud, you know,” Markham said after a moment. “And we all wish him a speedy recovery.”

“Thank you.” Given that Markham had been promoted to head coachman on account of his father’s condition, Lucien wondered just how much the man wanted him to fully recover if it meant a demotion. But Lucien appreciated the sentiment anyway. “I’m sure I will see you again soon.”

“Yes,” Markham said with a nod. “I’m sure you will.” Then he gave Lucien a little salute before flicking the reigns.

Lucien remained on the pavement and watched the carriage progress down the road.

It was not lost on him that if his father had never fallen ill, he might very well have been the one manning the carriage this evening.

Or if Lucien had never gone to Paris, he would have followed in his father’s footsteps and become a coachman himself.

You need to go somewhere far, far away from here.

And against the odds, Lucien had managed to do it, thanks in large part to his father’s generosity. But it was unsettling to realize just how easily things could have been different for him. As well as the impact Alex’s words that night long ago had made on him.

Lucien tilted his head back to gaze up at the sky, but only a few of the very brightest stars were visible overhead.

It took him a moment to realize that the tightness in his chest was a longing for Bunbury.

For evenings by the fire in his parents’ little flat while his father read aloud from an adventure story, a warm cup of his mother’s chocolat chaud in his hands.

For a scene he could never return to, no matter how much he wished it.

Lucien brushed his cheek and stared at his wet fingertips for a moment, then let out a surprised laugh.

You’re just exhausted. And overwrought.

He had vastly underestimated the toll this deception would have on him.

Because he could not afford it. Idly he wondered if Alex was experiencing the same kind of strain but then dismissed the thought.

She was used to moving through this world.

And she seemed able to control her emotions with an iron fist. No, it could not be the same for her.

Lucien then made his way inside the building and trudged up the stairs to the flat. He was relieved that Alain was working late at the hotel this evening, for Lucien was in no mood to talk with anyone at the moment. He needed to sleep.

Several days later, Alex found herself in the music room of the Turners’ Belgravia mansion glowering as Lucien handed a cup of punch to a beaming Freddie across the room.

Tonight’s outing was the kind of invitation Alex usually ignored and Freddie delighted in, especially if it provided yet another opportunity to flirt shamelessly with Lucien.

Alex’s brow furrowed even deeper as Lucien leaned in closer to listen to whatever drivel her sister was spouting.

If he didn’t return to her side soon, Alex would have to go fetch him herself even though it went against her every instinct.

But otherwise, people might begin to talk.

Aunt Winifred had already cast her three urgent looks and she was liable to drag Alex across the room herself if she waited any longer.

This was turning into a mortifying ordeal. At least Alex was upholding her end of their agreement. Lucien had left the LaSalles’ salon with a stack of business cards in his pocket, but it would be far more difficult to sell their courtship if he made his interest in Freddie any more obvious.

“You know, it might be more effective if you just called Freddie out directly.”

Alex snapped to attention and found Will beside her. “When did you get here?”

“Just now. Phoebe’s talking to Mrs. Turner.” He gestured to her least irritating sister.

“Will you be my second?”

He smiled at the quip. “Even I am not foolish enough to get involved in an Atkinson sisters quarrel.”

“We aren’t quarreling. Freddie is behaving abominably, as usual. It’s a disgrace.”

“Hmm,” Will said as he eyed the pair. “It looks to me like she’s simply talking to Lucien.”

Alex huffed. “Yes, but they are standing far too close and she has been monopolizing him for—” She pulled out her pocket watch and frowned. Huh. Seven minutes. That wasn’t so bad. She could have sworn it was far longer.

Will tilted his head, awaiting her response. “Well?”

Alex shoved the watch back in her skirt pocket. “Never mind,” she grumbled.

“I never thought I’d see the day,” he marveled. “You’re jealous.”

“Absolutely not,” Alex said hotly, which wasn’t exactly convincing.

“You are.”

“Wipe that grin off your face. You look ridiculous. And we’re in public.”

But the man didn’t listen. “I assumed you had come to an agreement with Lucien,” he said. “But I never thought you’d have actual feelings for him.”

She had approached Will with a similar arrangement before he confessed his love for Phoebe. Though she was terribly happy for the both of them, it had certainly complicated things for her.

“I don’t . This is just a mutually advantageous business arrangement.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” Alex shot him her darkest look and Will held up his hands in defeat. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“You won’t say anything, will you?” Alex couldn’t hide the apprehension in her tone.

He sighed. “If Phoebe asks me directly, I won’t lie to her. But she seems convinced. At least for now.”

“Then I had better go fetch Lucien before he ruins everything.”

“Alex,” Will cautioned. “You’re sure about this?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

“Yes, but…” He hesitated. “Things can become complicated when matters of the heart are involved.”

“Haven’t you heard? I don’t have a heart,” she said with a laugh that Will didn’t return.

He stared at her for a moment. “We both know that isn’t true,” he murmured.

Will had been a student at Oxford at the same time as Alex.

And thus he was the only one who knew about her past with Benjamin.

The only one who had seen her at her rawest and most vulnerable.

And though he had treated her with nothing but the kindness and compassion she had needed back then, Alex could not stomach being so unguarded in front of another person ever again.

They had barely spoken about the business with Benjamin since.

That he would allude to it now was infuriating.

“And there are other ways for you to gain influence,” he added offhandedly. As if she hadn’t tried every other option she could think of before resorting to a fake suitor.

Alex lifted her chin as she simmered with barely leashed frustration.

“What would you know about gaining influence? All you did was manage to be born with a set of genitals that for completely arbitrary reasons are prized above mine and then inherit one of the most powerful titles in the country thanks to nothing more than fate .”

Will’s mouth dropped open, but before she could chastise him some more, Phoebe chose that moment to join them.

“What are you talking about?” she asked with a bright smile. Phoebe had been in a constant, cheerful mood since her engagement. At this moment it was highly irritating.

“Nothing,” Will replied just as Alex said, “Genitalia.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered something that sounded awfully like Dear God, woman .

“Well, it’s true,” Alex insisted.

“Funny how your commitment to the truth fluctuates wildly ,” he drawled.

Phoebe let out a long-suffering sigh. “Someone come and get me when you stop speaking in code.”

“No need,” Alex said crisply as she met Will’s eyes. “We’re done here.”

Then she turned on her heel and marched across the room to fetch Lucien. They had a show to put on.