Page 166 of Illicit Games

“Do you know what my second biggest regret is?”

I tilt my head, meeting his gaze. I’m blown away by the sorrow reflecting in his metallic eyes. I ache to take the sadness away so he stops blaming himself. “Kian-”

“That I never told you how madly and deeply and obsessively I’m in love with you.”

I freeze, my grip on his bicep going lax.

“It terrified me that I might never get the chance to say it to you. Because I was too chickenshit to say it back each time you uttered it to me. It infuriates me that it took me this long to get my head out of my ass and tell you.” Staring straight into my soul with tear-soaked eyes, he rasps, “I love you, Iris.”

My breath hitches as I inhale sharply. His admission shoots like an arrow straight into my heart, making it pound harder.

“I love you so, so much. The only woman I’ve ever loved and ever will. In every lifetime. In every universe. In every dream. I fucking love you, Rainbow.”

“Oh, Kian,” I stammer, sobbing loudly. “I love you too.”

His rough exhale teases my lips and he cups my face with both hands. “I’m going to tell you I love you every single day. Until you’re sick of hearing it, and I still won’t stop. I’m not wasting another day not telling you how much you mean to me because it’s you who taught me how to love.”

“I’ll never get tired.”

“I know. When I die, I want my last words to be that I love you. For breathing life into me. For never leaving my side. Most of all, for loving me back and saving me from death so I could spend my forever with you.”

I smile, for the first time since I woke up. Kian’s devoted gaze drops to my lips, softening at the corners. My heart squeezes behind my ribs as a tear falls down his cheek.

“God! I missed your smile.”

Wiping away the wetness on his cheeks, I inch closer and press my mouth against his. A shiver runs down both our spines, coiling into a low heat as our lips part and our tongues meet. Slanting my head, he sighs in pleasure and kisses me slowly, like he has all the time in the world.

“I love you,” he rasps.

“I love you too.”

“As long as we’re together, we’ll survive anything. Take however long you need to heal, Rainbow. I’m right here. All our dreams will come true, even if the road we need to choose is different.”

“I want to get better.”

“You will, baby,” he vows. “One step at a time.”

Chapter Forty-Five

Kian

Watching my little rainbow be sad and depressed over the past month, battling mental and physical scars, has been a tough journey.

The days she doesn’t want to get out of bed are the hardest. She is quiet, staring at the ocean for hours. I have to force her to eat because I can’t give her, her medication on an empty stomach. But these days are becoming fewer and far between.

The next morning, after she had stumbled into the nursery room, I had convinced her to start talking to a therapist. She showed all the signs of PTSD. I couldn’t stand by and watch her suffer in silence. I wanted her to have all the help she needed.

All of it is working because today, after over two months, she cooked in the kitchen and had breakfast with me at the dining table. It was just like in the past, making me overwhelmed.

I didn’t push her for more and we spent a lazy day together.

Every night, I’ve been bringing her for a walk on the beach. A serene smile always plays on her lips as she gazes at the vaststarry sky or as she dips her toes in the water. I don’t coax her to talk unless she initiates the conversation.

I’m desperate for more of her voice, her sweet laughter, and her teasing. I remind myself to be patient. The way she was with me in the beginning.

She hasn’t talked to her family or friends, but I keep them posted. I know they are dying to meet her, but she isn’t ready yet. All of us need to move at her pace.

“Can we sit, Kian?” Iris murmurs, staring at the tides, mesmerized.