Page 110 of Illicit Games

Raising a spoonful of vegetable soup to my lips, Kian says, “Open.”

I let him feed me and swallow it down. The warmth soothes my empty stomach. A few more sips and I turn my head. “No more.”

“Okay, baby.”

“I’ll be downstairs if she needs anything.”

“Thanks, Bianca.”

Her footsteps recede and the sound of the door shutting fills the silence. Gently, Kian lays me down and his body curves around mine from behind.

“The house feels lonely without him,” I whisper, making his arms tighten around my waist. “Every time I walk by his room, I wait for his voice to call meGuddu, but it… It never comes. No one’s ever going to call me that.”

“Shh…” he consoles, rubbing my arm as I sniffle. “I know it hurts too much right now, but you’re not alone.”

“I know he was suffering and he’s in a better place now. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye and hug him one last time.”

“I’m sorry you lost him, but you have to believe he’s watching over you even though you can’t see or hear him.” Turning me around so I’m facing him, he tips my chin up, watching me so tenderly that fresh tears burn my eyes. “If I had the power to bring him back, I would for you.”

I nod. “Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Twisting his T-shirt in my fist, I plead, “Don’t ever leave me.”

“Never,” he vows, bringing me flush against him. “Sleep. I got you.”

With his heartbeat thrumming in my ears, I drift off to slumber.

***

The hardest part of grieving comes in the silence after every ritual is done, marking the end of a funeral. When everybody goes back to their respective homes until it’s just you, all alone, surrounded by the ghost of memories of your loved one. The everyday routine you never once gave a thought to suddenly becomes suffocating, bringing a tsunami wave of sadness.

I’m trying to push through the same, now that Bianca and Rosalie have gone home to their families after I insisted I was fine. They have no idea what a difference it made having them looking after me in the past week, alongside Kian.

Kian reluctantly left for a quick meeting at the office once I shared that my mom and I will be going through mydadu’sbelongings and packing them to keep them safe. In the same way that we kept mydadi’sthings.

I couldn’t ignore going into his room forever. I also couldn’t put the burden solely on my mother either. Worse than us, it’s my dad who has been terribly affected. I can’t imagine losing both my parents. It’ll kill me.

My mom and I make our way intoDadu’sroom in the afternoon. My legs shake as I step inside, and the second my eyes land on the empty bed, my stomach cramps and I burst into sobs.

I can’t believe just weeks ago, we were chatting and laughing. His promise that he’ll be at my wedding rings in my ears, shattering my heart.

“Aww,bacha, come here,” coos my mom, wrapping me in a hug. “I know, I know… I miss him too.”

“How could he just be gone?”

“Death is in no one’s control, sweetie. We have to accept that no one will be with us forever and cherish the time we get to have with them.”

“He was supposed to be at my wedding. All he’ll remember is me ending one.”

“He wasn’t upset,” assures my mother, rubbing the moisture away from my face. “He wouldn’t have wanted you to marry a man you didn’t love.”

“I wanted to fulfill his last wish.”

My tone gives her pause. A frown forms between her eyebrows, before concern flickers in her eyes. “Iris… is that why you said yes to Nathan’s proposal?”

The guilt reflecting on my face gives me away.