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“Oh fuck. Oh yes… That’s it, little devil… Fuck you take me so well,” I groan fire building at the base of my spine as I thrust into him like a man possessed. “Look how well you take me. Fuck! There’s nothing better than seeing that pretty pussy stretched wide open taking my cock like a greedy little whore.”

My hands run along his tight hamstrings, fingers digging into his sweat slicked skin as I push his knees up to his chest canting his hips up so I can push inside him deeper and deeper with every thrust of my hips. Rhys’s eyes are glazed with lust as they trail over my face taking in every minute expression as I own every inch of him.

“Fuck, yes, angel. More… I need more.” Rhys’s orbs are almost solid black as he loses himself to the pleasurable pain I inflict on him, raised red score lines from my nails mar his almost flawless skin as my fingertips trace the brand I left on his chest. I manoeuvre him till his knees are by his head, I will never get over how someone as built and toned as him is so fucking flexible, this new angle means I am pounding his prostate like a pneumatic drill, every thrust and drag of my swollen head pushing him closer and closer to his release. “Harder, angel… please… please.” Fuck, I love it when he begs, when he owns his sexuality and doesn’t fear about anything other than submitting to me and the pleasure I can wring from his delectable body.

“Such a desperate, needy slut.” I run my tongue along the strained tendons of his neck tasting him. Salty sweat and sweet ozone burst across my taste buds before I sink my teeth into his soft lobe, slowly pulling it through my teeth to intensify the sensation. Rhys thrashes his head side to side at the onslaught, his ears being one of his most sensitive erogenous zones.

My lips brush across the stubble as I nip and suck my way across his jawline until I can fuse our lips together. The tip of my tongue traces his full bottom lip, teasing him with a hint of what he wants, what he needs. He opens for me and I lick into his mouth sucking his tongue into mine. A full body shudder rolls through him as I release his tongue, a deep keening moan builds in his chest as I tweak his erect nipple between my fingers. “Fuck,” he gasps against my lips, chasing me as I pull back.

Rhys’ hands palm my ass, fingers sinking into the skin to the point of pain as he tries to haul me closer using my weight as a counterbalance to keep his knees by his ears. “Fuck, you feel so good, little devil.” I mouth against his neck catching a bead of sweat with my tongue as it slides down his throat before I suck on his neck drawing the blood to the surface. Marking him. Claiming him as mine. I love it when his body is littered with my marks, little reminders of who he belongs to when we’re not together.

Nothing feels better than being connected to him like this buried deep inside him with no room between us. It’s like he was made for me and I complete him. Every thrust of my hips reaffirms this feeling, this connection we have. My balls draw up tight hugging the base of my cock as our slick skin grinds against each other his length trapped between us growing thicker with every roll of my hips, he’s close, so fucking close. I want him to stain my skin with his cum. I need him to own me like I do him.

“Oh my god.. I’m gonna… I’m so…” His voice catches as I hit his prostate, heaving breaths brush against my ear. “I need…”

“You want to come, little devil?”

“Fuck…yes, please.” He latches on to my neck, his teeth sinking in anchoring himself to me. I feel Rhys’s hand slide round my hip trying to get between us so he can wrap it around his dick to push him over the edge.

I lace our fingers and pin his hand above his head. “No,” I growl. “You’ll come when I say you can. When I make you and not before.” A whimpering whine peels out of his throat as he throws his head back, eyes screwed shut. I bite his bottom lip drawing it through my teeth until copper coats my tongue.

“Angel,” he begs, it’s a prayer, a curse a fucking need—one only I can give him.

The fire burning at the base of my spine becomes an uncontrollable inferno that swells flowing through my body as my orgasm is ready to detonate like electricity dancing over my skin. My cock thickens inside him, the walls of his tight channel ripple around me pulsing with a desire that mirrors my own. “Come now,” I command, his body locks up hot jets of cum coat my abs seeping between us as Rhys roars his release. His cunt clamps down on my cock choking it forcing more orgasm from me. Black dots cloud my vision as I swell to the point of pain before thick ropes of cum fill him up coating his insides staining him with my release. “Fuuuuccckkkk,” I moan and collapse on top of him.

A groan claws its way up my throat as I peel my eyelids open, battling against the darkness that threatens to pull me back under. Blinking furiously, I coax myself awake, my vision hazy and distorted, like peering through shattered glass. Silence envelops me, ringing in my ears like static, while a relentless pounding builds in my temples. With effort, I try to move my head, my hand reaching out in search of the warmth of the man of my dreams, but all I encounter is the cold, coarse sheets of my bed.

“Well, shit,” I rasp, the remnants of a vivid dream still lingering in my mind’s eye. I let my eyes fall shut, seeking solace in the embrace of the dream, if only for a moment, before reality comes crashing down. Rubbing my hands over my face, I press the heels of my palms into my aching eyes. A chilling shiver snakes through my body, prickling my skin, while a pang of longing tightens its grip on my heart, reminding me I’m all alone.

My hair feels brittle and clumped, my skin clammy to the touch as waves of mental and physical exhaustion wash over me. With a determined effort, I force my eyes open once more, the world gradually coming into focus. My room is shrouded in darkness, the closed door serving as a barrier against the outside world, if only for a little longer. Rolling onto my side, careful not to jostle my head too much, I face the window, a yawn escapes me, heralding the arrival of the first rays of sunlight splintering across the predawn sky like a phoenix, chasing away the remnants of the night’s cruel grip.

Time drifts by without meaning as I stare blankly ahead, watching the sun climb higher in the sky. Memories of yesterday dance before me like elusive shadow puppets, mocking me with truths I’d rather deny.

I summon what little strength I have left, I haul myself upright, feeling as though my legs could give out at any moment. Each step is a battle against the invisible currents, my limbs stiff and brittle as if a strong gust of wind could send me crashing to the floor in a heap of bones. The cool air of the room forces me to clench my jaw, every movement a struggle against the icy chill that seeps into my skin.

It feels like hours but is probably only minutes before I’m dragging on a pair of joggers and a hoodie, before sinking my feet into my wet combat boots. I can’t help my mind wondering about Rhys and how he’s feeling this morning. I’m terrified that my reaction to Thom might have ruined all the progress we’ve made. No matter how much he says he wants me the truth is still hanging over us like a guillotine ready to drop. I know I can’t keep it from him for much longer but every time I’m about to tell him it feels like the world is about to end.

Heavy footsteps announce Daryl’s arrival before my door opens, “Eighteen. I didn’t expect you to be up after that fucked up show yesterday,” he sneers, eyeing me with disdain. I stick my middle finger up at him in lieu of an answer making him snort. “You’re a fucking freak you know that kid.”

I snort, acid coating my tongue as bitterness floods my veins. His words echo so many people that have crossed my path before him. “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on,” I grunt.

“Ooo, someone woke up and chose violence today,” he snickers, his laughter fading as he leaves me alone. Always fucking alone.

“Knock, knock.” I jolt at the sweet melody of Michelle’s voice as she leans against the door frame. “Oh babycakes, you look like shit. You okay?”

“Ha, no.”

“Well, hopefully what I’m about to tell you will make you smile.” She skips into my room and plonks herself on my bed. Making herself comfortable she sits cross legged facing me, her energy vibrating around her is fucking infectious and the flicker of a smile curves my lips. “Ugh, that looks painful,” she mocks, tracing the corners of my mouth.

“Fuck off.”

“Oh honey.” She envelopes me in her arms and it takes fucking everything in me not to cry as tears prick the back of my eyes.

“It’s nothing,” I mutter, pulling back and wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Yup and I’m the Pope.” She rolls her eyes, beaming at me like the little firecracker she is. “Here.” She shoves a small box in my hands and bounces up and down. “It’s not much. Scrap that it’s a pile of shit but it’s a burner and I’ve added Rogue’s number into it for you. I heard back from them yester?—”

“How?” I stare at the old school Nokia brick in my hand, Immaculate case and fully charged.

“Carter and Miller.” I look up at her in confusion and she burst out laughing. “Kait’s brothers? Has she never told you their names before?” I scoff, looking at the contact listed in the phone and pull up a new message. “Anyway,” she continues. “They popped over yesterday afternoon after art therapy. Where were you anyway?” I go to speak but she just barrels on. “Doesn’t matter but, yeah, they came over to see if Kait could go home for Christmas and handed it over kept Amy distracted long enough for me to stash it in my room and well I brought it to you once I knew Daryl was out of the way.”

“I-I don’t know what to say…” My voice trails off as my throat closes up.

“A thank you would suffice.” She bounces up and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Don’t let anyone find it, okay.” I nod.

“Thanks, M.” I manage a weak smile in response to her glowing one as she slips out of my room and turns to face me from the landing.

“Toodles, Kayden. Anything I can do let me know.” She gives me a two finger salute, then disappears.

I stare at the blank message, the cursor flickering on the screen taunting me, as I struggle to find the right words. I mean how do you tell a stranger you don’t know you can trust, that you want to expose your stepfather’s vile secrets especially when he might find videos of him raping you as a child?

Me

Is this Rogue?

Withheld

Yes.

Me

I need you for a job. I have a problem that I want ending.

Withheld

Tell me what you need and I can get it for you.

Me

My stepfather is a paedophile, an abuser and a rapist. I want to take him and ruin his life.

Withheld

I can access anything, even if he’s tried to hide it. Do you want it destroyed or sent to the authorities?

Me

Let me know what you find on him and Doctor Wolfe…

Me

I think they’re in some kind of fucked up ring. They work together.

Withheld

Supply and demand. There’s always a facilitator in the ring and a cleaner. They will either work closely in the real world or have no apparent links.

Me

They have a working relationship…

Me

He sent me to her for counselling.

Withheld

Fuck, I’m sorry, man.

Withheld

Give me his name and I’ll get back to you in a week.

Me

Neil Dixon.

Withheld

On it. These messages will disappear and be untraceable. Hide it and wait for me to get back to you.

No sooner have their last message come through the whole chat history dissolves off the screen and their number vanishes from the contacts list too. “Well how the fuck am I meant to reach them now?” I huff in exasperation and card my hand through my hair wincing as my fingers catch on a matted knot, a viscous liquid coating them. With nothing left to do I power it off as I don’t have a charger and hide it next to my journal in my mattress.

* * *

The itchunder my skin is too much to ignore after sending those messages to Rouge. It set off a chain reaction of doubt and uncertainty that’s constantly churning in my head getting louder and louder. The need to claw at my skin to relieve the incessant gnawing pain is pushing me to my limits. I need a release, an escape and I can’t do it in the confined walls of the house, where I’m watched like a hawk, especially after yesterday. I’m spiralling into madness, my grasp on reality slipping like sand through my fingers as I descend into the depths of the devil’s playground. The monsters in my head are screaming, hurling memories at me like corrosive drugs, gnawing away at my sanity with relentless fervour.

I need pain.

Oblivion.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

My knees crash to the ground and I clutch at my head, the screaming inside my skull growing louder and louder. I fall back against the trunk of a tree, drawing my knees to my chest and wrap my arm around them. With shaky fingers I eventually manage to place a fag between my lips and spark up, taking drag after drag to get the damn thing to light in the damp winter air. My head thumps against the tree trunk pain ricocheting through my skull, the pain creating a blissful blanket of silence smothering the tempestuous monsters in my head.

“Rhys. Rhys. Rhys,” I chant over and over, as if I could will him here by the powers of manifestation. I need him and his light to ground me. His gentle touch and soft lips, the taste of his cum on my tongue. I just need something to know that this is real. That I’m real. Am I alive? I have no fucking idea. Emotion pricks the back of my eyes as they fill with water, my whole body shakes as I feel like I’m falling apart one grain of sand at a time, crumbling away, piece by piece.

“I thought I’d find you here,” the monster taunts as it stalks me through the shadows. I felt it following me the moment I left the house waiting for the perfect time to pounce.

“Leave me alone,” I whimper, flicking my hood over my head and my shoulders around my ear.

“Why would I do that?” he hums. “When I can have so much more fun toying with you.”

“You’re not real. You’re not real… not real…not…”

“Awww don’t say that,” he muses. “I’m as real as you are, but where you’re trapped in a cage… I’m free to do what I want to do.” I can feel him circling me, getting closer and closer with every step he takes towards me. I feel like I’m suffocating, it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

“No… no… leave me alone,” I gasp.

“And I want to make him suffer,” he snarls, his malicious tone sinking beneath my skin, darkness bleeding out of him

“I won’t let you.” He’s right next to me, I can hear his ragged breaths, feel them against the side of my face.

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me.” At his ominous words I lift my head and face down one of the monsters of my nightmares. His bloodshot grey eyes are sunken in his face, dark bruising blooming under his skin around his eye sockets.

“I won’t let you touch him,” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“You will never be strong enough to stop me.” He licks his lips, his twisted gaze roving over me making bile sear the back of my throat.

“I’d rather die than let you touch him again… Thom.”

“That can be arranged.” My heart skips a beat at the offer of freedom, I suck in a shuddering breath nearly choking on the smoke burning my lungs. “I can make all your dreams come true.” He pats my head, trailing his fingers down the side of my face as he squats in front of me. His touch sickens me making me want to shrink back, and get away from him but I’m trapped.

“Hello, my sweet boy.” Fuck! When one monster appears it seems the others do too, Neil’s voice oscillates around me. “I’m going to fuck you until you scream for me. I love your screams almost as much as I love to see your blood coating my cock.” I flush hot and cold, hot and cold, the alternating temperatures wreaking havoc on my stomach that churns like the wild seas crashed into the fracturing cliffs. I have just enough time to turn my head before vomit flies out of me like I’m auditioning for a starring role in the exorcist.

“Fucking pathetic little shit aren’t you,” Thom goads as I choke on the bile projectilling out of my nose. And mouth simultaneously.

When it finally stops, when my stomach is empty and my mouth is a wasteland I wipe my face with the back of my hand and rasp, “Fuck you.”

“Interesting offer and if you weren’t,” he waves his hand at me. “Like that I’d probably take you up on it. One hole is as good as another.” He sneers at me. “Even if you are a little skinny for my tastes. Now I prefer my men to have a bit more muscle on them.” He pins me with his dark lust filled eyes, his hand palming the growing bulge in his jeans thrusting his hips forwards. Thom’s head falls back on his shoulder as he continues to rut against his hand as he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and groans long and loud, scaring the birds from the nearby trees.

I wish I could move. I wish I could run away but I’m too weak to be able to run, let alone crawl. My body is overheating, sweat covering my skin, dripping down my temples and the back of my neck. My hands are shaking so violently I can’t hold on to anything. My breathing is nothing more than shallow pants. The edges of my vision darkening as the seconds tick by.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

My head is wrenched to the side, cracking my neck as Thom sinks his fingers into my hair angling my head so we’re nose to nose, his putrid breath gusting over my face making my stomach lurch, if I had anything in me I know without a shadow of a doubt it would be all over his vile face by now.

“L-leave…m-me…a….alone.”

“No. I don’t think I will… yet! I need you out of the way so I can take what I want from Rhys like I planned to before you fucked it all up.” My brain doesn’t even have time to register Thom’s movements as his fist connects with my left eye. The force crunching the bones jarring my head against the trunk. White hot pain ricochets through my skull and down my face, black spots burst across my vision before it all goes black and my breath catches in my throat.

I come to, slumped on the damp ground, curled into the foetal position. Arms banded around my stomach and chest that feels like a herd of horses have trampled on it. I can feel the deep bruises blooming under my skin as the blood seeps to places it shouldn’t

“You think you can beat me?”

“I don’t have to,” I splutter, blood dripping from my lips as I gingerly push myself back up to a seated position. The pain in my abdomen and ribs intensifies the more I twist and turn to get sat up again. “I just have to drag you down to hell with me.”

A hollow bellow rips from him somewhere between a laugh and a war cry. Fear wraps around me, its icy tendrils snaking over my arms and legs holding me hostage. Thom rounds on me stalking towards me, all traces of humanity gone from his face. Only the maniacal look in his eyes tells me he’s human and I only know that because it’s one I’ve seen reflected back at me in the mirror countless times.

It’s the look of someone who has nothing left to lose. The look of a man who doesn’t care if he lives or dies. Someone who has lost everything and dies every day in a hell of their own creation. Thom drops to his knees in front of me, his hand searching his pocket for something, the sinister gleam in his eyes makes my skin crawl.

“Ah! Here it is.” He smiles at me, the look of death in his pitch black eyes. “Look,” he waves a syringe in the cold air between us, the dark honeyed liquid sloshing inside it. “How do you fancy taking a little trip, brother fucker? Hmmm, what do you say?” He tilts his head, the angle and twist in his neck making him look truly possessed.

“No,” I breathe through a stuttering breath. I shake my head while my body screams yes. YES. YESSSS! It’s been nearly five months since I’ve touched drugs or alcohol. My only vice now is cigarettes. I know I shouldn’t want it. Why it’s bad but fuck it. Once an addict always an addict, and this is like my own personal heaven and hell. I’m dancing between the two, unable to find the strength to resist its siren’s song.

“You want it… you know you do.”

“No.” I nod my head, my hands reaching forwards. I can almost feel the weight of the syringe in my hand. I can see my fingers curled around it. I can feel the moment the needle pinches my skin before it sinks into my vein and the euphoria that follows. My mouth salivates and my heart pounds against my ribs.

“You want it,” Thom whispers, pushing my sleeve back. “You need it.” He rolls the cuff of my hoodie before wrapping a shoelace around my arm above my elbow. “Pump your hand brother fucker, give me a nice vein to sink it into.”

“No!” I cry, thrashing my head from side to side but not pushing him away. Unable to get to my feet, tears start to stream down my face as he pulls a wipe from a packet in his pocket.

“Who knew COVID would come in so handy? All these things we have these days that we didn’t have years ago.” His maniacal laughter makes me shiver but I’m not sure if it’s in fear or with anticipation.

“I don’t want it please…”

“Awww look at you, begging me.” I shake my head as he pulls my arms down, flicking at the veins on the inside of my elbow. “Mmmm, that’s a nice one,” he sighs. “This is going to be so much fun.”

“No… please, Thom. Don’t do this.” I bite my lip as it trembles. “Don’t do this to me.” I say but I hold my arm out to him, I can feel it flooding my system, taking away the pain leaving only warmth behind. “No… please.”

Thom sneers at me as he slicks the cap off the syringe and presses down the plunger. A few drops of liquid seep from the tip of the needle onto his finger. He holds it in front of his eyes, “I’ve always wondered what it tasted like,” he muses before sticking his finger in his mouth and humming. “Not bad. Oomph that warmth, now that’s something I could get used to.”

“Thom, don’t do this. Y-you don’t n-need to.”

“No. You’re right, I don’t.” I exhale a heavy breath. Thank fuck!

“You stupid fool.” He spits in my face, the globule dripping down my cheek. “I know I don’t have to but I want to.” He leans forward onto his knees and rests the needle against my vein while his dexterous fingers unwind the shoelace on my arm. “Here you go,” he coos as he depresses the plunger, sinking the liquid into my veins.

“Fuuuucccckkkkk,” I groan as euphoria engulfs me and my eyes roll back in my head.

“It’s a shame that the man who abused you… who raped you… ripped into your childlike body leaving you raw and broken…” He chuckles. “…shares your DNA.’’ His words have my eyes snapping open as I fight the effects of the drug in my system, my mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water but nothing comes out as my motor functions start to fade. I’m losing control.

“Dustan sends a message.” His crazed eyes bore into mine. “He hopes you fucking die this time and he can’t wait to see you in hell.” His sneer fades into the blackness that’s swallowing me whole. I’m drifting… drifting… drifting…

Everything I know about light was taught to me by the darkness I’ve endured. I have learned I can survive practically anything—even my monsters—if I can just see the light. As I float into the dark abyss of oblivion only one point of light remains but it’s so far out of reach.

I’m sorry, Rhys.

I’m so sorry for being too weak to be what you need.

I’m sorry for not being strong enough to keep fighting.

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough to love you how I should have.

I never meant to hurt you, little devil.

You are my one and only love… Please be happy without me.

“KAYDEN!!!!”