Page 22

Somehow I’d thought this place would have changed over the last forty eight hours but everything looks the same, maybe it is only me that has changed. The last night I spent here with Kayden has altered me in a way I’m quite sure I’m ready to admit, let alone face. I know we are on a precipice of change and all it will take is one wrong step for everything I’ve spent the last four months fighting to get back to slip through my fingers.

I’ve boxed up the pain and simmering resentment his disappearance had caused and buried it in the darkest reaches of my mind. I know it won’t take much to break the fragile chains I’ve wrapped around it but for now I have hope, and I will fucking cling to it until my fingertips are shredded and bleeding. Kayden has promised me the truth and judging by the desolate look in his eyes it is going to inflict just as much pain on me as I’d felt going back to find him gone.

The door to the staff room swings open with an ear splitting whine making my shoulders hunch around my ears and a shiver to roll across my skin. “They really need to get maintenance on that,” Roan chuckles. “I think we’ve all logged a call with Pete about it but apparently he has more important things to do.”

“I’m sure it wouldn’t take one of us too long to spray it with a bit of WD40 would it?” I throw out, and tuck my wallet, phone and coat in my locker.

“Nah, I’m sure it would be a piece of piss,” Daryl drawls. “But we don’t have access to the garage where Pete stores everything.” I peer at him around my locker door as I snatch up my phone and text Gale reminding him what time my shift ends.

“Why’s that?”

“Many reasons. Sure Jenna would fill you in if you ask,” Roan adds, taking a drink from his cup. “Won’t be long till Steve is here to do our handover.” Roan smothers a yawn with his hand which has Daryl rolling his eyes.

As if summoned by his name Steve strolls in and plops himself down on the arm of the sofa. His deep brown eyes cast a quick glance over the group assembled here waiting for him. “Right, hope you guys are all ready? Things have been quiet so far today…” My brain tunes out his whiney voice as Steve starts going over each of our current residents giving a quick update on what therapy sessions they have and any issues that have cropped up overnight or this morning. Same old shit different day, this place runs like clockwork. I’m not really sure why Jenna needs so many of us on shift but it’s not really my place to question. Isn’t it? You never question anything do you? That’s why you always let the people you care about down.

“Alright, everyone.” Steve calps loudly the sound booming in the quiet room making my eyes dart back to him just as he looks in my direction. “Rhys, Jenna wants to have a quick catch up with you as you’ve been here for a couple of weeks already.”

“Sure. I’ll head to her office now.”

Daryl slaps me on the back, “Have a good one.” His hand lingers just a bit too long to be comfortable making me squirm. My actions make him snicker, he winks at me before he releases his hold and heads out the door into the main house.

“You alright, Rhys?” Roan appears next to me, concern flashing across his face. “He’s an intimidating dick that gives me the heebie jeebies.”

A snort escapes me, accompanied by a shiver that races over my skin, but no matter how hard I try to shake it off, it lingers like an unwelcome presence. “You can say that again,” I mutter, preempting any response from Roan. With a light shove to his chest, I interject before he can speak, my finger pressing against him as a warning. “Don’t you dare,” I mock, shooting him a playful glare.

Holding his hands up in surrender and stepping away, Roan shakes his head turning his back on me. “Oh Rhys?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget your pager,” he nags but being the shift leader his reminder is justified, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been caught without it. I check my pockets, realising I’ve forgotten it, again, and grab it out of my locker before heading down to Jenna’s office.

The bright light of the low winter afternoon sun is obscured by looming grey clouds that creep across the once-blue sky. It seems odd, considering no rain had been forecast for today, yet it casts an ominous hue over my journey through the house to Jenna’s office. The golden cream walls, usually warm and inviting, now take on a sepia-grey pallor, their vibrancy draining away as my mood sours with each step. It has been over two days since I last saw Kayden, and every minute without him feels like an eternity, time stretching endlessly as my days dragged on.

Before I realise it, I reach Jenna’s office, my feet carrying me there almost instinctively. I hope that a deep inhale eases the gnawing uncertainty that has taken root in my veins. With a light rap on the door, I shake out my hands, waiting for permission to enter. “Come in,” Jenna’s soft voice greets me from beyond the closed door. As it swings open and I step inside, I find her already seated, facing the sofa, with two steaming mugs resting on the table between us. “Come sit down, Rhys. This won’t take long.”

The door snicks closed behind me silencing the outside world allowing my thoughts to run rampant. I slip onto the sofa, enveloped in a warm embrace by the cushions but it does little to ease the growing trepidation inside me. This was meant to be a review meeting of sorts about my first two weeks but something—everything—has felt off today from the minute my eyes opened this morning. The tension in my muscles rises making my skin tight, almost to the point of burst where it’s stretched to its limits. The hairs on my neck stand on end, I roll my shoulders and neck trying to ease the mounting pressure but nothing abates the feeling of a vise constricting around me.

With Jenna busy making notes and cross checking something on her phone in a world of her own. I take the opportunity to grab the cup of tea waiting for me hoping it will occupy my mind long enough that she’s ready to start our little chat. Two scolding mouthfuls of tea later all I’m left with is a raw throat and the inability to hold my cup because the tremor in my arm is making me spill tea all over my legs. I set the cup back on the table and slide my hands under my thighs hoping it will hide the maelstrom of emotions brewing within me.

“Sorry about that,” Jenna smiles softly at me, a hint of concern in her dark eyes. “We’ve got a new resident arriving shortly, a last minute booking and I needed to make sure all the paperwork was in order before he arrives.” Her words are completely commonplace in this environment, nothing out of the ordinary but my stomach drops and falls through my feet.

“That’s okay,” I croak, shifting uncomfortably. I feel too hot, perspiration is beading on my forehead and slowly trickling down the nape of my neck. “Do we know much about our new addition?” I enquire trying to get things moving before I end up doing something stupid like running out of here just so I can lay my eyes on K, and make sure he’s okay.

“A little bit.” She licks her lips as her eyes run over her notes. “He’s being brought in by his uncle, sounds like he’s been in a rough place and his mental health has taken a battering recently.”

“Oh, that’s never good, hopefully we’ll be able to help him while he’s here.” I smile but it feels as fake as my words, my mind is a million miles away from here.

“Yes,” she sighs. “That’s the plan, anyway.” Jenna picks up her coffee and sits back in her seat. I can feel her eyes running over me scrutinising me, she tilts her head before speaking. “So tell me Rhys, how are you finding things?”

“Here?”

A smile reveals a row of perfectly white teeth. “Yes here,” her tone carries a hint of amusement that’s echoed in the fine lines that surround her eyes.

I clear my throat. “Sorry, stupid thing to say.” She snorts and nods in agreement. “I think things are going well. I’ve learnt a lot about communication since I started. I guess you could say my life has been quite sheltered before I came here—especially to the struggles many people face, even if it’s of their own making.”

“Yes. Just because people come from a similar background to you doesn’t mean they’ve lived the same life as you. They always say you should never judge a person before walking in their shoes and that is very apt when you consider the work we do here.”

“It is,” I agree. Feeling a bit more settled I pick up my tea and take a sip, the warm liquid soothing my raw throat. “I’ve really enjoyed being part of the group and one-to-one therapy sessions.” A smile kicks up my lips, “I think I’ve learnt a few things that might even help me.”

“That’s brilliant to hear.” Placing her cup down next to her notebook she clasps her hands, resting them on her crossed legs. “Now, I wanted to talk to you about Christmas?—“

“Christ that’s next week isn’t it,” a pang of longing hits me knowing I won’t be spending a proper Christmas with my angel. I want to be able to give him the world but until we can work out how to get him out of here it’s a mute point and I fucking hate that. “What can I do?”

“Well, how are you at decorating?”

“Huh?”

“I would like you to organise the Christmas decorations, make the house look festive.” Picking up a plastic folder she passes it over to me and nods at it. “In there is a list, lots really,” she chuckles. “There are instructions as to where we can and can’t decorate and what ornaments are safe to be used in this environment.”

“Alright,” I tap the file. “Sounds simple enough.”

“I usually do it but with the influx of residents this time of year and a few funding issues I’ve run out of time to prepare for it. And to be honest with you no one else here wanted to do it so as the new guy you were voted Mr Christmas.”

“Ah, guess that explains the look Roan gave me when he said you wanted to see me.”

“Mmm, it would seem so?—”

Jenna’s words hang in the air, suspended, abruptly cut off by an inhuman scream that cleaves through the air, ripping through me like a lightning bolt, searing through my skin straight to the core of my heart, stopping it mid beat. A wave of nausea crashes over me, a split second after the heart-wrenching sound and the office phone begins to ring incessantly while our pagers buzz urgently at our sides, adding to the cacophony of chaos.

With wide eyed alarm, we lock gazes for a heartbeat, an unspoken understanding between us fueling our actions. In a blur of motion, we catapult out of our chairs towards the door, propelled by a primal instinct to respond. I wrench it open, ushering Jenna through ahead of me, urgency propelling us forward. Another round of screams echoes down the hallway, piercing the air like nails on a chalkboard, sending shivers down my spine as I flinch at the agony laced sound. We tear down the hallway, our footsteps echoing loudly, racing towards the main reception area where it splinters off into the maze of group therapy rooms.

My feet with a speed I didn’t know I possessed, propelled by a terror that chased me like the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels. Jenna, in her urgency, could rival Usain Bolt as she tore through the building, her feet barely touching the ground. We skid sideways on the glossy floor as we round the corner coming face to face with a sight that had my heart thundering up my throat and my heart wanting to run for the hills.

Kayden lay on the floor, a heaving mess of agony, his hands tearing at his hair with such force that handfuls were being ripped from his scalp. His screams tore through the air, rending it with a rawness that punched the air from my lungs and my heart was shredded in a woodchipper. It was enough to have me crawling across the floor to him, desperate to offer him the solace of my arms, but it was the sight of his eyes locked on the front door that had my legs stalling, as if cement had been poured into my bones, rendering me immobile.

My eyes burn as I stare in disbelief at the rumpled figure stood amidst the chaos, a twisted smirk curling his lips as bloodshot grey eyes bore into mine. “What the fuck?!” The words erupt deep within me, hollow and desperate, shredding my soul like a rusty blade. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

Jenna turns to look at me, confusion and concern warring on her face. Her eyes darting between me, Kayden and the monster standing in the reception area looking like he was about to start eating popcorn. “Rhys?” Her voice echoing in my ears like a distant whisper.

I feel the blood drain from my face as his gravelly chuckle grates against my skin, ricocheting around the hollow of my skull. His malevolence is palpable as he waves a mocking finger at me, his eyes never leaving mine. Amy stands frozen, vibrating with confusion as she takes in ground zero before us.

Jenna’s arms are gesticulating wildly like she is being electrocuted. Lips moving at a hundred miles an hour, her commands buzzing around me like static as she directs the staff that seem to materialise out of thin air to cover all the exists.

Roan approaches Kayden with caution, hands raised, his own panic rising with each step. Kayden’s screams reverberating off the walls, a symphony of fear stripping away another layer of my sanity. With only a couple of feet between them Kayden flies off the ground throwing himself against the wall ,his back crashing into it with enough force to shatter his ribs.

Fingers snapping in front of my face jolts me back to reality, Jenna’s eyes locking onto my own with intensity the brown depths are almost black as her pupils expand before my eyes. “Rhys, can you hear me?” She demands, her voice cutting through the chaos. I nod mutely, unable to find my voice as my lips kept saying Kayden’s name like a silent prayer; begging him, pleading with him to see me so I can drag him out of this waking nightmare as he has to face one of the people who has tried to break him by hurting me.

“Rhys!” Jenna’s voice snapping like a whip, pulling my focus back to the present. “Can you get him out of here? I need to deescalate the situation immediately.”

“Y-yes… I-I can try,” I manage, my voice raw with pain in disbelief.

“Good.” Jenna responds sharply, urgency lacing her tone. A loud clap of thunder rumbles overhead, the lights flicker ominously making this sight even more macabre like the fates are trying to fuck us over. Just when we are starting to piece ourselves back together they play a sick game and tear us down until we are nothing but crushed bones in a pool of blood at their feet. “NOW RHYS! GET HIM OUT OF HERE.”

“Amy, escort the gentlemen—” Jenna commands but I stop listening. Bile scorches up my throat, tasting like acid on my tongue at her words. “Rhys,” she hisses at me pointing to Kayden, his fingers clawing at his face, leaving jagged lines of crimson in their wake.

“Roan.” His head jolts up as soon as I call, his wide eyes twitching. “Can you help me?”

“Sure. What can I do,” he murmurs as he steps up next to me bracing his hand on my shoulder. “You good?”

“Yup. Thanks.” I give him a tight smile and gesture towards my broken angel. “Can you open the doors so I can get him out of here?” He nods his ascent and we move in synchronicity over to Kayden where he stands almost catatonic braced against the wall. His blue eyes are blank and unblinking as I step in front of him. He doesn’t even register my presence and I feel that rusty blade sink even further into my heart. I can’t lose you, not when I’ve only just found you again.

I lean down, hooking my arm behind his knees and lift him into a bridal hold. His head falls lifelessly against my shoulder, chest rising in shallow pants. The shirt he’s wearing clings to his sweat slicked skin as I adjust my hold so I don’t drop him. “Can you get the doors for me, Roan?” I ask, digging deep to find the strength to get us all out of this hell scape as the devil breathes down my neck.

My lips brush Kayden’s ear, “Angel, I’m going to get you out of here, okay?” I observe his face for any flicker of recognition but his features remain slack, an emotionless mask of death covering his beautiful face.

“Where are we heading?” Roan asks, voice strained with urgency.

“I’ll take him into the gardens,” I reply, determination fueling my words.

Roan’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “There’s a storm coming, man. That’s a bad idea.”

“It’s the only option I’ve got,” I retort, my resolve unwavering. “I’m not taking him to his room; it’s like a fucking prison. It would do more harm than good.”

Roan nods sagely, wisely choosing to keep his thoughts to himself. His shrewd eyes betray an understanding that runs deeper than mere words, but he doesn’t press the matter further. Instead, he silently clears a path to the nearest set of doors that open out onto the back terrace.

“Good luck,” he murmurs softly as I brush past him, his words hanging in the air like a benediction. I glance up at the sky, another roll of thunder echoing above our heads. The heavens are shrouded in darkness, tumultuous clouds swirling and writhing like a stormy sea. The scent of ozone permeates the air, electric and charged, as waves of electricity dance over my skin.

With my heart lodged firmly in my throat, I forge ahead towards the woods, clinging to the hope that their embrace will somehow coax K back to me. Soft, soothing words spill from my lips as my boots devour the distance between us and the sanctuary of the trees. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen my angel like this—only once before, after his last counselling session with Dr. Wolfe, when he climbed into my car and shut down, terrifying me to the core. I’ve never felt so helpless as I did during that drive back to Barton Grange. Nothing I did then helped him, and nothing I’m doing now seems to either.

Into the woods I stalk, my heart splintering with each step. The only things propelling me forward are the shallow rise and fall of his chest and the soft puffs of breath against my neck, reminders that he’s alive and in my arms, even though it feels like I’m carrying a lifeless body. It doesn’t take long before I reach a clearing of soft grass, and my mind flickers back to the day Kayden chased me through these very woods—that feels like another life even if it was only a few days ago.

I drop to the ground and position him across my lap and wrap my arms around him. “Come back to me, angel,” I sob, hot tears running down my cheeks falling into his hair. “He’s gone, you’re safe. I’ve got you.” I chant the words over and over again and the heat seeps out of my chest into him.

Lightning flashes, carving a path through the clouds as I sit rocking Kayden in my arms waiting for him to come back to me. I steel myself against the cold bite of the air waiting for the numbness that has claimed him to relinquish its hold and his body become pliable in my hands where he’s currently a statue carved from marble.

Pain is the gatekeeper of my destiny, it’s got the man who owns my heart locked away beyond my reach. I’m on my knees in the devil’s playground begging him to set free my reason for living. “Come back to me, baby,” I whimper. “Everything in my life has led to you—to us. Even the roads I took to forget this twisted, toxic obsession that was growing inside me still brought me to you. We’re as inevitable as the sunrise. Don’t leave me alone. I’m begging you…p-please.”

I weave my fingers through his damp hair, the first icy drops falling from the sky like tears, mirroring the anguish in my heart. “Your darkness holds its own beauty, angel—its own power.” My words are a fervent declaration, a vow branded on my heart. “How could you ever think it would drive me away from you? I don’t know. But know this—I’m here and I’m not letting go. Not now, not ever.”

The sky erupts like an atomic bomb detonating, waves of light cascade through the menacing clouds as time blurs into a frenzied rush as images assault my mind as it processes what happened back at the house. The storm rages directly above us, the ground trembling beneath the deafening roar of thunder, savage sheets of rain slice through the air, threatening to drown us in their fury. I can barely make out anything through the torrential downpour, but amidst the chaos, K stirs in my arms. My heart freezes unsure whether it should leap for joy or if its about to have the only thing that matters in this fucked up world snatched from its grasp.

Blinking through heavy-lidded eyes, he gazes up at me as if I’m the first rays of dawn after an eternal night. A small, fragile smile tugs at his lips, illuminating his broken features and desolate, haunted eyes. Kayden’s hand reaches to cup my face, his thumb tracing the curve of my bottom lip. Fingers then glide along the length of my jaw before settling at the nape of my neck, urging my lips towards his.

Our mouths meet in the gentlest of caresses, he opens for me on a gasp and I sink into him. Tongues dance a sensual dance as they become reacquainted and it feels as though I’ve been granted passage into heaven as I lose myself in the feeling of his tongue laving against mine.

“Hi,” I murmur against his mouth, our breaths mingling and fusing deep within me infiltrating my soul. I rest my forehead against his and hold him close but it’s not enough with all the saturated layers between us. I want to cut myself open and bury him inside me, so he can never leave me.

“H-hi,” he stutters, exhaustion evident in his slurred words. Dazed blue eyes search mine in the intermittent light, seeking answers to questions I can’t decipher. A look of anguish flows over his beautifully broken face, pain ricochets through me as the fingers of his free hand trace the damage.

Wanting to distract him and see that fragile smile back on his face, I say. “Why do you love thunderstorms so much?”

K huffs a stuttering exhale, as if the effort is too much for his body and I pull him closer into me. “B-because,” he manages teeth chattering. “Because i-it… reminds m-me… that even nature has to scream… s-sometimes.” K licks his lips catching the raindrops that cling to them. “A-and I don’t feel… l-like s-s-such a f-f-freak.”

“Oh angel, you are anything but. I love you.” I brush my lips against his and say, “This is just the beginning of our story.”