Page 7

TUCKER

“D o you want the front or back?” I asked Josh as we stood on the shore. Most of the team had already paddled out—each paired with a senior and carrying maps and supplies in case of separation.

“I’ve never been in a canoe before, so whatever’s easiest…” he said.

“Take the front.” I waited until he was in the canoe and positioned at the front before I handed him the paddle and pushed the canoe a little further out. I hopped in with ease, avoided getting my shoes wet, and used the paddle to shove us into the deeper water.

“I’m not going to be in charge of steering this thing am I?” Josh asked and I tried not to laugh at the hint of nervousness in his voice.

“No.” I dipped my oar into the water. “Just paddle.”

As we moved the canoe out to the middle of the lake, a calm silence fell between us; the water lapping against the wood and the breeze coasting over the surface of the lake. In the distance laughter could be heard as the group travelled.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, searching for a jumping-off point that wouldn’t get me yelled at, but the need to talk was festering. Josh seemed unbothered by the silence which only made me more antsy.

“Cael said-” I started, and Josh shook his head.

“Don’t,” he said shortly after. “I hate small talk.”

“We’re going to be in this canoe for three hours, Logan.”

The canoe rocked back and forth as Josh’s entire body turned to look at me.

“Hey, chill out or we’ll both end up in the water, Mr. I-can’t-swim. ” I put my hands up and tried to calm him down.

“I can swim.” He scowled and turned back around.

“So why won’t you do the polar dips?” I asked him. He had gone M.I.A. that morning again, before anyone could get their hands on him and force him into the water. My thoughts flashed to the scars that littered his skin and I swallowed the cotton ball that became lodged in my throat.

“Because they’re stupid,” he said, taking little strokes with his oar that weren’t really doing much to move us.

“A lot of your comebacks sound like third graders at recess.” I rolled my eyes. “If their stupidity is your only reason, I’m going to start forcing you. But if there’s another reason…”

“There’s not. I just don’t want to partake in your cult festivities.”

“Right.” I laughed. “Cael told me about your theory.”

“It’s not a theory, it’s an observation. If you’re just going to mock me, Tuck, I’d rather paddle in silence,” he said.

“Yeah, you would,” I snapped. “And stop calling me that.”

“Why?” He hummed. “Does it bother you? …Tuck .” Josh’s teeth clicked together as the ‘k’ rolled off his lips.

“You only do it because it bothers me.”

“If you didn’t want to be stuck in a canoe with me, why volunteer? I’m sure Cody would have been a less painful option,” he said.

“You don’t get to always take the easy way out,” I said to him, and watched all the muscles in his back tense. “Did I hit a nerve, Logan?” I teased.

“It’s cute you think it’s that easy,” he responded after a tense moment.

“I’ve seen you get worked up for less,” I said, trying to keep my tone light. I wasn’t looking for a fight with him; I wanted him to open up to me. to tell me what was going on in that mess of a mind, but I would take whatever the hell this was.

At least he wasn’t throwing punches.

“Or is it only fun when you aren’t on the receiving end?” I asked him.

“I can take a joke, Tuck. You just haven’t said anything funny,” Josh said, but I could hear the smile in his voice and I hated that it trickled down my spine in a warm line. I got a budding urge to keep up the banter just to hear that sound again.

“I’ve won funniest teammate back to back,” I said.

“Did Arlo make you all homemade trophies?” He teased, his shoulders shaking with a small laugh.

“No,” I grumbled, “Van did.”

“Are you serious?” That had his head whipping around to look at me.

The sun caught in his dark brown eyes, and for the first time ever I saw color there that wasn’t cold and endless. Amber swam beneath the surface, swirling in waves that drank in the sunlight pouring down on us. His skin was stained with freckles and, in the light, I could see more of those tiny white scars that littered his complexion.

Wind kicked up the curls that rested against his neck and I swallowed tightly, nodding because it was all I could manage as I worked to dampen the sparks lighting fires in the pit of my stomach.

“I’ll show it to you if you survive spring camp,” I managed to get out after a moment of him staring at me.

“You guys really are a cult.” He sighed and carefully turned back around in the canoe.

“Keep this up and you’ll win grumpiest Gus,” I teased.

“Shut up, Tuck,” he growled to get the last word, and I laughed before returning my focus to paddling.

If there was anyone that could break down Josh, it was me. I could do this. I just needed to figure out how. Alone, one-on-one, he wasn’t so bad. Maybe he wasn’t so overwhelmed or something, but he was different. The jokes were softer, the conversation enjoyable. He wasn’t protecting his throat like a dog backed into a corner.

He exuded confidence like a ray of light. Both on and off the field there was a rare time when any of us saw cracks in Josh Logan’s armor, but sitting here in the canoe, just the two of us, I was reminded that he was just a kid like the rest of us, trying to navigate his life without fucking it all up too badly.

By the time we got to the island half the team already had their tents up and a few of them were goofing around with a ball as the rest fought with poles and fabric. The sun was high in the sky but it wouldn’t be long before it dropped and brought the chill with it.

I hopped out, getting my shoes wet and wandered to the front of the canoe, yanking it with both arms up to the shore so Josh could get out.

“Thanks,” he said under his breath, and started to unload what we had brought.

I brought the tent over to the last free spot in the awkwardly arranged circle and pulled everything out, getting mere moments of silence before Cael wandered over, squatting down to my eye level.

“How was the canoe trip?” He asked, in a sing-song voice that made me wanna tie him to a tree.

“Fine.” I shrugged and counted the poles at my feet.

“Really?” He smiled at me. “Just fine?”

“Just. Fine.” I repeated, and looked over to where Josh was bringing a crate of cans up the shore.

“Oh, god.” Cael laughed and fell back on his ass. “You got the gooey look.”

“I do not.” I shook my head. “Don’t start that shit with me. I don’t, it’s not…” I sighed.

“It is. Josh gave you the goo,” Cael said, way too loudly.

“What the hell does that even mean, Cael? The goo?!” I couldn’t keep the laughter from bubbling up. “You’re a menace.”

“I’m allowed to be, I have a permit,” he said, pretending to dig out a piece of paper but flipped me off instead.

“Eat shit.” I laughed more and shoved him away playfully.

“Seriously though…”

“Nothing happened. There was no goo ,” I said.

“I wasn’t serious about the canoe blowjobs,” Cael said, leaning closer and lowering his voice. “Unless it actually happened, then I kind of want details. Clementine will kill me if I don’t get the gossip.”

I pushed him in the shoulder and knocked him off balance. “You’re an asshole.” I pointed at him with a scowl on my face.

“A menace, an asshole. Insult me more, it gets my cock hard,” Cael purred.

“Cut it out!” I growled. “We just talked…”

“You talked?” Cael’s eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, Cael, like normal humans… we talked,” I said, as I started to slot the poles into the tent fabric.

“Did you talk about me?” Cael sat up again and brushed his fingers behind his ears as he fluttered his lashes.

“No,” I shook my head, “we talked about why he won’t do the team dips in the morning.”

“Did you get an answer?” He asked.

“No,” I responded with a huff.

“Three hours and that’s all you talked about?” He questioned.

“Yeah, that was it. Will you go help them start a fire or something?” I brushed him off and he narrowed his eyes at me. “It was nothing. Stop staring at me like you have to plan a wedding.”

“In this economy?” He rolled his eyes. “You and Logan can get married at the court house. You kids think I’m made of money.” He pushed to his feet and smiled at me.

“Go away, Cael.”

I watched his lanky body stumble over the uneven ground toward Josh and groaned. I should have known that he wasn’t going to leave this alone. Cael was a cat—sneaky, clumsy, and always causing chaos. It took him seconds to become hyperfixated on causing trouble. He thrived on the attention it brought–and selfishly, I enjoyed it when it didn’t involve me.

Josh looked over, brow furrowed as Cael rambled beside him. His eyes flickered back to him and a small, playful smile formed on his face. It was strange to watch them interact with all the assumptions that floated around who exactly we thought Josh was.

A piece of hardened shell cracked inside of my chest. I could feel it fall away as I watched him with Cael; his slow, careful patience, the intention behind his eyes as he listened to my best friend run his ear off about nonsense. It was a quiet devotion to a friendship I couldn’t even begin to understand, but one that I was grateful Cael had.

I returned to the tent, fumbling with both poles and emotions as the sun started to drop. Cael helped Van and a few of the boys make lunch, and the rest of the team cleaned up before scattering around camp.

“Sneakers on.” I clapped, moving out of my tent with my hoodie pulled around my jaw.

“You’re about to ruin our day aren’t you?” Jensen sat up on his elbows, bare chested, his tattoos on full display and bathing in the sun despite the frigid breeze.

“Only yours,” I grumbled. “We need to move our bodies. Hike time,” I said loudly, cutting off whatever was about to come out of Cael's mouth. “Most of you know the trails by heart but if you don’t, pair up with someone. I don’t want anyone getting lost.”

“I mean, there’s someone I can think of that can get lost,” Todd piped up, and everyone grumbled in unison before pairing up in groups and heading out.

”Good start.” Cael pushed off the ground and paired up with Van leaving Jensen with a hopeless look on his face without a partner. “Yee-haw, big boy. To Candy Mountain we go!” He hopped on Van’s back and the two of them disappeared down the trail.

Josh sat on his bed roll with his arms hanging over his curled up knees and his dark eyes on the opening to the hiking path.

”Get up and go on the hike.” I looked over at him and put my hands on my hips. “Don’t give them another reason to hate you.”

“I don't know the trails, Tuck,” he said in a low, tight tone that suggested he was angry but trying to control himself.

“It’s called the buddy system; but if you piss me off I’m leaving you to the wolves.” I nodded to the path.

Josh contemplated my offer for a split second too long and I started to walk away. I didn’t have to put up with his bullshit. It wasn’t in the captain rule book. If anything, I was allowed to show tough love even if the definition was loose. Arlo ruled with tough love, he was born to do it, but I just… couldn’t find my line, at least not yet, but with the way Josh challenged every decision, every comment; suddenly I found myself compelled to find it faster.