Page 55

TUCKER

S tanding on that stage felt like flying—after I pushed past the violent nausea in my gut and dug up the courage buried deep in my chest. My father locked eyes with me as I accepted the award, pride burning in my chest brighter than it ever had. He stormed off like a bull in a china shop, and it only made me stand taller and smile harder.

I was done hiding.

I thanked everyone again, climbing down from the stage back to my seat. Everyone was still clapping as I rounded the chairs and dropped the award to the table with a thunk. Josh stood, clapping the loudest—an arrogant smile on his face, pride blazing in his eyes.

“That was amazing,” he yelled over the sound of the applause, and his hands separated to take my face between them.

The world dropped away, sound reduced to a muted roar as our eyes locked. His fingers curled into my hair as I leaned in, capturing his lips in a heated, confident kiss that turned my body to rubber.

My stomach was tingly with nervousness, and my head dizzy from adrenaline. I mirrored his movement, pressing my hands to his cheeks to prolong the greedy kiss that I never wanted to end. Silas’s hand on my back was the only reason I pulled away. With my confidence at an all-time high, willing to get lost against Josh for the entire night.

“You’re in public, boys.” Silas cleared his throat.

I pulled back from Josh but kept my hands around his face as I looked around. His forehead pressed against my jaw as I took in everyone staring at us. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment under their attention. Josh laughed, straightened out, and took his seat as I waved and offered one more thank you before sinking into mine.

Josh’s hand found mine under the table, his touch gentle and familiar. I looked over at him one more time as the next award was handed out, everyone having turned their focus back to the stage. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he turned to look at me with a smile on his face. “I’m proud of you,” Josh said after a moment of staring and only loud enough for me to hear.

I was proud of both of us, tonight had the potential to be a disaster. Proud that I had found the courage to sit here next to the man I loved, to show the world that love without hiding. I found my person, and Cael was right, all that time I just wanted someone to share these moments with. Now that I had it, it felt surreal.

But I was also proud of Josh, he had every reason to fall apart the last few months. He had gone through the ringer more than once, and instead of crumbling into dust and letting the wind take him. He grew harder, he was starting to understand himself, and all of the emotions that made him up.

The Joshua Logan that had climbed onto the bus for spring camp was angry, it had been all he knew and all he wanted to know, but… The Josh that sat in front of me, smiling like an idiot under the twinkling lights, was so much more.

I wanted to kiss him again so badly that my body was leaning toward him without conscious thought. I stayed there, as close as I could, while we ate and the band started back up. Josh never complained for more space or grumbled that I needed the contact; he just ate in silence while the table talked, the awards were handed out, and the music blared.

I turned in my chair as a swarm of players flooded the dance floor—already drunk, ready to party, grinning like idiots. Josh leaned into my back, head resting on my shoulder, eyes closed as his hand found the back of my hair.

We sat like that for a long, calm moment, watching our friends dance and enjoy the night. For the first time in my entire life I felt free. There was no judgement around us and everytime my mother attempted to cross the field and speak with me, she was intercepted by a player or Coach, shutting her down with conversation or directing her attention elsewhere.

Josh huffed with pleasure every single time it happened, and the sound of his content was like a warm blanket around me.

“I’m done here. I want ice cream,” he said as slower music vibrated through the stadium. “Take me back to the Nest?”

I turned to look at him, our noses brushing from how close we were. A smile crept onto my face. “The Nest?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Take me home, Tuck.”

His brown eyes were soft, and the smile on his face was lazily curled to the side as he admired me in the dim lighting.

“Alright, alright—you don’t have to beg,” I teased, rising from my chair. I looked down at the award and then over at Silas. “Put this in the display case, it doesn’t belong to me.” I chucked it at him and he barely caught it.

“You’re finally starting to sound like a captain.” Silas nodded, cradling it in his palm.

“Yeah, well, I’m starting to feel like one,” I said, slipping my hand into Josh’s as he stood.

I pushed open the back door of the Nest for him, and he brushed past me into the kitchen. I tossed my jacket on the counter and popped open the freezer with my foot before reaching inside for the tub of vanilla ice cream.

Josh undid the top buttons of his dress shirt, stretching his neck as I tossed the tub onto the counter.

“I got it,” he said, nudging me out of the way as I reached for the junk cupboard. I grabbed two spoons as he dumped half the container of sprinkles straight into the ice cream. I laughed while handing him a spoon. “You deserved extra today,” he said with a shrug.

“Yeah, so did you,” I said, stuffing a massive spoonful into my mouth.

“You know, I don’t think I told you how handsome you looked tonight,” Josh said, his eyes on the ice cream.

“Kind of rude of you,” I hummed, taking another spoon.

“I have a reputation to uphold, Tuck.” He hid his amused smile with another bite.

“God forbid someone finds out you’re a massive softie for complimenting your boyfriend,” I teased.

“I don’t think I can spare even one after I kissed you in front of a room of teammates and strangers.” He swallowed, and the corners of his lips turned upward.

“Oh, you met your quota?” I laughed, dropping the spoon in the middle of the tub and leaning back against the counter with my arms crossed.

“Yeah, once a week… if that…” Josh looked up at me, pulling the tub closer to him while he rested on his elbows.

“I hate you,” I hummed.

“Do you?” Josh asked, his tone light and playful as I turned back to his treat. “Or do you just need to be on your knees to admit you don’t?”

“I mean, I don’t mind doing it for you,” I smirked, my stomach tightening in response.

“All that attention is going to your head,” he purred, and I swear my temperature rose. I could feel my ears going red and instantly hated it. “But look at that, same old Tuck.” He licked his bottom lip clean of the melted vanilla ice cream.

“Doesn’t help when I didn’t get attention from the one person I actually wanted it from,” I tried to tease, though my brain was swimming and my heart was racing. Josh set the spoon down and straightened out, his chest coming to meet my shoulder. He was so close now I could count the freckles that painted the bridge of his nose and the few golden flecks in his sable eyes.

“Is that so?” he hummed. "Because from my point of view, my attention never wavered.”

I wanted to kiss him so badly that the need itched at my fingertips.

But Josh enjoyed the game more than the outcome, he always had, and if this was his foreplay, I would resist cutting it short because seeing him wound up only made me hard.

“I caught you checking Van out,” I teased. “Is it a height thing or…”

“Yeah, I’m unreasonably attracted to trees,” Josh smirked.

“I knew it.” I smiled back at him. “It’s alright, I get it. We’ve both seen what Mitchell is hauling around.”

“So compliant, not jealous at all?” Josh whispered. “You know, there was a guy there tonight—tall, blond…” His eyes flicked to my hair, his lashes so long I could still feel the way they tickled my skin when we kissed. “Annoyingly happy with a smart mouth, I enjoy kissing and an incessant need for attention twenty-four seven.”

“He sounds horrible,” I said, swallowing tightly as I turned so our chests were parallel.

“The worst,” Josh said in amusement.

“Can we go back to the kissing part?” I asked quietly, and he laughed. “I’d really love to hear all the ways you enjoy kissing—maybe you can show me. Or not, that’s fine too…” I rambled.“I mean, if you want to find that guy from the party, he sounded handsome, and I wouldn’t blame you—”

“Dean, would you just…” Josh huffed, completely exasperated with my shit—but still smiling like I was his favorite person in the world. His breath was warm against my lips. His hand moved to cup my jaw, his thumb tracing my bottom lip as he brought us closer together.

“Shut up and kiss you?” I asked more softly that time.

“Shut up and kiss me,” he said, his voice low and sincere.

The kiss that followed was gentle as my hand came to his face, fingers curling into the sharp ridge of his jaw and tugging him forward into me. Josh groaned softly, his other arm wrapping around me to deepen the kiss. It was surprisingly passionate—slower than he usually kissed me—and I sank into the feeling, never wanting it to end.

After a while, Josh finally broke the kiss to rest his forehead against mine, his breath shaky and shallow. "Dean,” he breathed out.

“Josh.” I brushed my nose against his, tempted to steal another kiss.

His hands moved to frame my face, his baseball-worn fingertips brushing over my cheeks. “If you keep doing shit like that,” he paused, his voice lowering and his breath hot against my skin. "I’m going to need you to…” He sighed.

“Only if that’s what you want,” I said quietly, and he leaned in, capturing my lips with more urgency this time.

“It’s what I need,” he said, pulling away.

“Are you sure?” I asked him.

“Are you?” he asked, his voice catching. “You seem…” I watched as the nervousness bubbled violently up inside of him, and I realized that he thought I didn’t want it just because I was making sure he did.