Page 45

TUCKER

I t felt good to be back on the field, nearly two weeks back from my suspension and winning felt even better. Everyone in the locker room was hollering and shoving as we flooded back inside and started to strip out of our sweaty clothes. Josh confined himself to a corner, but he was talking to Jensen, which was refreshing—and made me feel like maybe I was doing something right.

“I’m impressed, Tucker.” Silas came up beside me with his arms crossed, his gaze on his brother. “I think he might have just laughed at whatever Jensen said.”

“No.” I shook my head. "That was a grimace.” I laughed and Silas chuckled beside me. “He’s doing okay though,” I said. "He’s been seeing Riona. Whatever they’re doing is working.”

“You aren’t giving yourself enough credit,” Silas added as Josh searched the room, stopping only when he found us standing together. His jaw tightened, but his eyes flicked to me as Jensen talked his ear off. “He seeks you out when he’s uncomfortable, Tucker…” Silas clapped his hand on my back. “How are your meetings with Riona going?” He asked.

“Fine. We have lunch a couple times a week and it’s helping with everything.” I started to unbutton my jersey and shifted to my locker, Silas leaning against the side as we talked.

“She could talk a brick wall into confessing its darkest secrets.” Silas nodded. “What about uh…your family?”

“What is this?” I looked up at him, confused. “It’s weird…”

“What’s weird?” Silas lowered his voice.

“You asking questions like you’re my dad…” I stripped from my jersey and tossed it between my feet as I worked the buckle on my pants. “If this is some weird, ‘ if you hurt my brother I'll kill you’ thing I think you’re about twenty four years too late to the party.”

Silas stared at me with an unreadable expression that scared me a little. I shifted on my bench away from him a little and plastered a smile on my face. “Sorry that was mean,” I laughed nervously. "You’re doing a good job with him too,” I said, trying to satiate my guilt.

“I’m just looking out for you, I know you’ve had it rough for a little bit and you never called pineapple,” he said. That stupid safe word we used for press conferences was being brought up too much lately. I appreciated it every time he gave me the option but I hated that the situation kept arising for its need.

I shook my head and laughed. "I didn’t need to but it’s there in cases of emergencies,” I said, looking over to catch Josh still watching us like a hawk. “You’re making him nervous,” I said.

You're making me nervous. I wanted to say.

“He probably thinks we're talking shit about him,” I added.

“I’ve never met a guy that suspicious,” Silas sighed.

“Do you blame him?” I said standing from my locker. “I stink…I need to shower, and to answer your question, my parents still aren’t talking to me.”

“Mmm.” Silas nodded and looked over at Josh. “Good game today.” He walked away from me without another word but I could tell he wanted to keep pushing the conversation.

I groaned as the water splashed over my dirty, sore skin. Stretching out my neck under the heat just chasing the relief that each rotation brought. The noise faded out around me, leaving me alone inside of my own head but the first time in weeks it wasn’t filled with questions, or what ifs. It was quiet.

I inhaled slowly and pressed my hands against the tiles to keep myself upright through the exhaustion. We were winning games, the press had moved on to more important topics and Josh was finally starting to open up to the team. I laughed under my breath at myself, how scared I had been that day on the bus; unsure if I could manage it all.

And maybe I couldn’t, not by myself anyways but I hadn’t been alone in it from the beginning. I should have realized that sooner, that my family wasn’t Sunday dinners and trust funds. It wasn’t staying small to appease their wicked ideals and twisted morals. It was standing up for myself, for my real real family. The ones that’d would also have my back, rain or shine.

And Harbor often felt the effects of thunderstorms.

“Tuck,” Josh’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I hissed as I came back to reality, standing in an ice-cold shower and the locker room empty. “You alright?”

He’s leaning against the wall at the door, watching me, waiting for an answer, but I was too distracted by his smile. It wasn’t smug or forced, it wasn’t one I’d seen before, but I liked it and it sent a shiver through my body.

“Yeah, I just lost track of time,” I said. “You wanna go to Hilly’s?” I asked, my stomach growling. Even my appetite had returned as the stress started to settle and I could breathe normally again.

“Yeah, they have a shirt and shoe policy, though,” he smirked, and his eyes dragged down over my naked thighs.

My ears turned red at his adoration, completely forgetting that I was naked standing here. Idiot . “Guess I’ll get dressed then,” I turned off the shower and wandered over to the towels, Josh watching every move like a hawk.

“Shame,” he whispered as I passed him, causing my breath to catch in my throat. Whatever he had been doing with Riona had made him braver, he still had a hard time with the physical aspect of our relationship. Everything was slow and one sided, but I didn’t care, what mattered was the difference.

He was happier, and that wasn’t to say he wasn’t an absolute asshole most of the time but in quiet moments, between just the two of us, I could feel the ease within him. It radiated. Before it was suffocated, and used as a weapon. Now he was able to sit still for a second, he didn’t need to be busy to keep the demons at bay and there was something so simply sweet in it.

I chucked my shirt at him, and he caught it against his face as I pulled on a pair of underwear and clean jeans. He wandered over and handed it to me, but didn’t let go right away.

“You did really good out there today,” he said in a low tone, his gaze locking on mine as they raked up over my chest. “The double in the fifth carried us home.” He swallowed tightly.

The tension between was quiet but sparking like a wire. Josh’s eyes were focusing carefully between my eyes and lips as I thanked him for the compliment. I laughed gently realizing what it was that he was doing.

“Do you want a kiss?” I asked him my voice low, practically begging him to say yes, knowing that he wouldn’t ask himself. He rarely did, he usually just waited for me to ask for one.

“ Please .” He licked his bottom lip and I obliged his need with deprived precision. Not that I had been counting but it had been three days since I asked last, maybe waiting him out to see if he would break before me but he never did. Until now. It was gentle and he hummed, his throat vibrating in nervous pleasure as we collided softly. His bottom lip brushed against mine, as our noses bumped together and static coursed through my body at his touch.

My free hand lifted and I felt him breathe through his nose sharply as my fingers pressed to his chin and tilted his head closer to mine. His fist curled into the fabric of my shirt held between us and I leaned into him for more when he showed signs of pulling back too soon. Like my touch was an open invitation, Josh’s free hand curled into the band of my jeans. I swallowed and deepened the kiss as much as he would allow as he pulled on the fabric around my hips and urged me gently forward.

I couldn’t even believe he had let it go on for so long that when he finally broke away I stayed there, leaning forward with my arm out suspended in time trying to catch my breath.

“Get dressed, Tuck. I’m starving,” he said, pressing the shirt against my chest before grabbing his bag. He left me dumbfounded and scrambling into my shirt, chasing after him as his sneakers echoed down the hall toward the parking lot.

I tossed my bag in the back of my Jeep and watched as he silently mirrored my movements and climbed into his side. There were a few cars at Hilly’s including Van’s truck and Cael’s stupid blue Subaru that should have been at the dump. Josh held the door open for me and wandered inside.

“Up.” I pointed to the stairs when he paused at the size of the crowd inside. Usually after games the students would flood down the hill for drinks and either ended up here or Delta. But the loft was for the teams, it wouldn’t be as busy and Josh wouldn’t feel so caged.

He took the stairs and his shoulders relaxed a little when he saw that only two of the eight tables upstairs were crowded with the team. Van had Zoey in his lap as he argued with Jensen over comic book characters that I couldn’t name even if I tried.

Cael rested against the side talking to Arlo with his arms crossed when we walked up to the table. "Where’s Clem?” I asked him as he unfolded himself and smiled at me.

“She abandoned me for work.” He pouted like a child.

Josh shook his head and pulled up a nearby chair, straddling it backward as I shoved Van deeper into the booth and leaned in on my elbows.

“Abandoned.” Ella snorted. "You’re so dramatic.”

“It’s part of the charm,” Cael sighed in his massive hoodie and loose shorts. “Didn’t expect to see Grumpy Bear make a Hilly’s appearance.” He reached out to tug on one of Josh’s curls and was met with a snarl.

“Touch me and you’ll lose that finger, Cody,” he warned and Cael returned to his insufferable pouting when he realized he had no one to tease.

“Let’s play pool.” Cael bumped Arlo, and he shrugged, pushing from the table as Kelly came around with water and let us order some food. Josh stole their spot in the booth as more of them left to join the game, leaving us alone to wait for our orders.

I watched them all goof around, laughing and fighting as they played. I could be up against all the worst imaginable things and still feel like I could accomplish them if I could just remember how I felt in that moment. Watching them celebrate as a family, all of them happy and filled with so much love. I started to laugh when it hit me, I had it… I had what Cael was talking about.

I turned to Josh. “Will you be my date to the Gala?” I asked him.

“What?” he stopped, looking away from the pool table to meet my gaze.

“The Gala that the school hosts to raise money, it’s hosted at the stadium…everyone gets dressed up and gets drunk. We let old ladies hit on us all night so they’ll give the team money for shit,” I explained turning on the booth so I was properly facing him.

“I know what a fundraiser is, Tuck, we did them at Lorette,” Josh huffed and went still as Kelly put two plates on the table. “The Shores host that don’t they?” He asked when she was out of earshot.

“No, well…” I swallowed tightly, he was going to say no to me. “Kind of, they’re usually there.”

“I don’t think so. I—” he turned and focused on his food, his jaw set tightly. It was an entire two minutes before he spoke again and holding my breath was going to kill me. “We aren’t going as friends,” he said, not looking at me.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“It’s a public event, and if you want to go, we aren’t going as friends. We go as boyfriends or we don’t go at all.”

I smiled. "Is that all?”

Josh turned to look at me with shock twisted among his normally angry expressions.

“I can do it,” I said. "If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You haven’t even told Cael.” He pointed to my best friend with his head, the anger seeping back in to take control

“I don’t have to tell Cael!” I fought to control my tone. "He’s known the second you stepped on the bus for camp. He’s the reason we’re in this mess,” I said a little quieter. “You’re only setting that stipulation because you thought I wouldn’t do it,” I challenged.

“I know you won’t,” he argued and shoved some fries in his mouth. “It’s been two weeks since the party at Delta and you haven’t said a word to any of them about us .”

I laughed. "Half of campus has seen my dick, the other half saw my ass. I’m not scared to tell my friends.”

He stared at me like I was insane but I could see the violent doubt swimming behind his eyes. “Are you seriously bent up about this?” I sighed, I understood his frustration but he wasn’t seeing the truth. I stood from the bench onto the table as Josh slid his plate out of the way to protect it from my sneakers.

“What are you doing, Tucker?” Arlo was the first to notice me.

“I have an announcement,” I said loudly over the music and crowd downstairs. Van leaned against the pool table, and Zoey pressed herself against him as Ella tucked against Cael, pinching his sides and making him squirm.

“Dean Tucker get your ass off that table,” Josh spat.

“Full-named,” I whispered at him in shock, a tiny laugh falling from me as I gently kicked his grabbing hand and turned back to the group.

“Fuck sakes.” He pressed his hands through his hair.

“We’re listening,” Cael laughed, swatting Ella away.

Josh was a darker shade of red than my ears and I could feel the anxiety building from my toes to my throat as they all waited for me to speak again.

“Tucker!” Arlo barked, and I flinched into action.

“Josh is my boyfriend,” I blurted proudly, arms out at my sides with a helpless little shrug.

They all stared at me for a moment and suddenly I felt like I shouldn’t have said anything.

“I can’t believe it…” Cael and Van dug into their pockets and tossed money toward Arlo on the table.

“You too, Novak,” Arlo said, eyeing the tiny brunette.

Before Arlo could snag the money, Ella reached her hand across the table. "Sorry, that’s mine,” she said proudly and pocketed the money with a smile on her face.

“Blondie.” Arlo leaned across the shabby green fabric of the table on his forearms, trying to look intimidating, his voice low and commanding, but Ella just laughed at him. “I said before the gala,” he argued.

“And I told you it would be a spur-of-the-moment outburst.” She pointed to me without looking at me, her eyes trained on Arlos'. Josh sighed deeply and rubbed the tension out from between his eyebrows. “It was a good outburst, Dean.” She turned to look at me.

“What!” I hollered, stomping across the table and jumping down to the floor. “You guys were taking bets?”

“Cael collected them the day we got off the bus from camp,” Jensen said.

“You too?” I grumbled.

“Oh no, I didn’t think you had the guts,” he shrugged, and Arlo slapped his arm out from under him on the table, sending Jensen stumbling.

“It was only a matter of time,” Cael said, something unspoken passed between us that felt like someone cutting a wire. It snapped free and stung as it unraveled from our connected souls. I nodded, and he put a smile on his face that felt like a blessing even though we both knew I didn’t need one.

“Guess that means you have no choice?” I turned to Josh.

“I hate to ruin this bizarre Brady Bunch moment, but I don’t own a suit.” Josh leaned back against the booth like he had won because he didn’t have an outfit. Cael laughed loudly, and Zoey gave him a pathetic look of sympathy.

“Oh Josh,” she sighed. He had no fucking idea what he had just done.