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THE brADY FAMILY - TEXTS

Mama

Oh I knew you two would be like love’s young dream. I hope you’re not gonna keep me waiting for a wedding like my other children.

Pops

Now, baby, go easy. This is a new relationship.

Mama

Hush. They’ve been walking around each other for years.

Jenson

They have, Mama. And they look mighty loved up to me. You saw the picture.

Penny

I’m gonna hurt you. You remember all those self defence classes my dad made me do. I’m gonna inflict so much pain.

Mama

Now, now Penny. You have to wait till the season’s over first.

Jenson

Mama!

Mama

You know I love you, but I loved the Spartans first.

Penny

Deal, Mama. I’ll wait and do this with your blessing.

Pops

You’re in for it now. I still remember what that boy looked like who tried to kiss her and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Penny

Jimmy Newham? I think I made him prettier.

Pops

Black and blue was what you made him.

Jaxson

I’m supposed to be sleeping but this seemed like it was too good to miss.

Jameson

It is. Penny’s going to kill Jenson, Mama gave her blessing, and Pops is reminiscing about the pain she's inflicted on others. And I’m letting Ben and Angie read the texts as we go.

Mama

Hey there, Angie and Ben. We really oughta make a group chat with you in it, seeing as y’all are family now.

Jameson

They’d both love that, Mama.

Penny

And that’s two for two.

Penny

Jaxson, wanna make it a full house?

Jaxson

Nope. I’m fine over here. Crack on, Pen.

Mama

I hope you’re all ready for Christmas tomorrow. Oh Penny, you never know, your present might be something sparkly.

Jameson

Ben nearly choked on his drink, Mama. This is so much fun.

Penny

Ok, so Jameson first, then Jenson.

Jenson

Penny, we’re all happy to see you settled down. It’s been a long time coming.

Penny

Whoever got Jenson for secret Santa, I wanna switch. I have the perfect gift for him.

Mama

Now, Penny, you know we’re not allowed to discuss secret Santa, or switch picks.

Pops

And on that note, I think it’s time for us to leave you young uns alone. I gotta go play with the package the kids came in, if ya get my drift…

Mama

Jayson Brady!

Jenson

I just threw up in my mouth.

Jameson

Pops, we didn’t need the visual.

Jaxson

I don’t get it.

Jameson

Wait for it…

Jameson

Welp, Ben’s traumatised and Angie is laughing so hard she can’t breathe.

Penny

I’m glad my dad’s single.

Pops

I could tell you some stories if you’d like.

Penny

Don’t you dare. I’ll get Mama’s blessing to make it the three of you.

Pops

Okay I won’t say a thing. Except feathers, leathers, and spankings.

Jameson

Oh my!

Penny

I hate this group.

Jaxson

I just got it. Pops, I don’t know whether to high five you or shun you.

Jameson

And there it is.

Pops

You’ve got all this to come.

Jenson

Where’d Mama go?

Mama

I’m here. Just stepped away for a second. Needed to wrap the package for your dad. Have fun kids.

Jenson

I hate our parents.

Jaxson

Me too.

Jameson

And me.

Penny

Yup. And Jenson. This was all his fault.