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THE brADYS MADE AND CLAIMED - GROUP TEXTS

Angie

We have a couple of liars in our midst, guys.

Jenson

Oh no.

Jenson

Who could they be?

Angie

Two people we’ve trusted and done nothing but try to help.

Jenson

I wonder why they felt the need to lie to their family, Kitten?

Angie

Sigh, they should’ve known we’d figure it out.

Jaxson

This is the worst sketch I’ve ever been a part of.

Jenson

You’re ruining it, dickweed.

Jaxson

You ruined it first.

Angie

You’re both idiots.

Edie

I have to agree. It was a lame sketch.

Angie

I told Jenson it was, but he wouldn’t listen.

Jenson

That’s cold, Kitten. You just threw me under the bus like that.

Edie

Get used to it. You don’t even want to know how many times she snitched on me to save herself.

Angie

There’s nothing wrong with self preservation.

Jaxson

Where I come from, snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches.

Jenson

Back off, little brother. I wouldn’t wanna catch a flight for you to catch these hands.

Jaxson

You’d choose her over your own kin?

Jenson

Always.

Angie

Well that guaranteed you getting laid tonight.

Angie

Oh and Penny and Ben lied to us all. He’s been taking the sausage bus to taco town.

Edie

Brilliant!

Nicole

You mean she’s been doing squat thrusts in his cucumber garden?

Edie

Oh my god lol

Angie

Yep. He's been tossing his hotdog down her hallway.

Jaxson

Jenson, make them stop. I don’t wanna think of Penny’s taco.

Jenson

They won’t listen to me. I’ve got images of my boss’s hotdog in my head. Not cool, ladies.

Nicole

It’s okay, he’s just bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house

Jaxson

I don’t get that one

Jenson

I do…be grateful.

Angie

Don’t be prudes. It’s just a little Bam-Bam in the ham. We all do it.

Jenson

Yeah, but that’s our sister, dude.

Angie

Dude, you weren’t complaining when you were batter dipping your corn dog in me last night.

Nicole

ANGIE! I SPIT MY TEA ALL OVER MY COMPUTER

Edie

I have one, I have one… ready?

Edie

He’s groping for Trout in a peculiar river

Angie

Oh babe…

Jaxson

You’re so pretty, Eddie.

Edie

It’s from Shakespeare.

Angie

Shhhhhh, don’t speak. Let your beauty speak for you.

Edie

You suck.

Lockheart

As entertaining as this was, I really don’t care what Penny and Ben are getting up to. But I wouldn’t mind having my corn dog battered tonight, Nico.

Nicole

Only if you eat my bikini burger first.

Lockheart

Deal.

Jameson

Owen might not care, but I do. Penelope Richards, you have some ‘splaining to do, girl.

Jaxson

I bet he’s got his arms folded with the same disappointed face Pops uses.

Jenson

Probably. He uses that face on me all the time. It’s not as effective as Pops.

Jameson

I’m ignoring all you asshats and I want to hear from my girl.

Ben

I think you mean, MY girl.

Angie

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Angie

I don’t even care about the cussing. I’ll take the slap from Mama. That was epic. He came in here all charming and confident and claimed her. He was silent for the sex-nanigans and then BAM.

Angie

Boss, that was epic.

Nicole

That was HAWT.

Lockheart

Got to admit, that was pretty good. Welcome to the group. Hopefully they’ll annoy you more now and leave me alone.

Jaxson

You’ll never be free from us, Owen.

Lockheart

That’s brave seeing as I’m in your house right now.

Jaxson

Meh, I can take you, old timer.

Lockheart

You couldn’t take me with Thor’s hammer and his biceps. Even with both hands tied behind my back, I’d still own your arse.

Jaxson

I don’t need to know your kinks, Owen, save them for the bedroom.

Lockheart

Such a twat.

Jameson

He is, but that’s for another time. Much like your bedroom antics.

Jameson

Ben, you didn’t think to ask any of her brothers about this before you claimed her?

Penny

Hold the fudge up. Why does he need to run anything by any of you? The only person he needed to consult with was me, and he did. I expected more from you, Jameson.

Jameson

Hook, line, and sinker. I knew there was only one way to get you to respond. Now d’you wanna explain why you haven’t spoken to me about any of this?

Penny

Shoot. I walked into that one.

Ben

You did, Little One.

Angie

OH MY FUCKING GOD - she has a nickname. Edie, is this how you felt when Jenson called me Kitten for the first time?

Edie

Yep. Exactly like this. I feel like a proud mumma with all her babies settling down.

Penny

Easy momma bear. We’re still in the early stages here.

Ben

Early stages?

Penny

Well, we are.

Ben

Hmmmm. We’ll discuss this more later.

Penny

We won’t because we’re heading over to my dad’s tonight and then to Mama Brady’s for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Besides, we're fine.

Ben

Hmmmmm

Jenson

Ohhhhh you’re in trouble

Penny

I am not.

Ben

You kinda are.

Angie

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Penny

Fudge sake.

Jaxson

I am loving life right now.

Edie

Is this about the ice cream?

Jaxson

It’s always about the ice cream.

Jameson

Penny, when do I get my convo?

Penny

I’m suddenly free tonight.

Ben

You are not. I’m not facing Hank alone.

Jenson

I’ll come with you. I can’t wait to see Hank kick yo ass.

Penny

That’s settled then. Jameson, Angie, and I are having girls’ night.

Penny

Jenson, Ben, and my dad are having boys’ night.

Penny

Toodles.

Ben

So. Much. Trouble.

Jaxson

I like this dude. A lot!