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THE brADYS MADE AND CLAIMED - GROUP TEXTS MINUS PENNY

Jenson

Who wants to know a secret?

Jaxson

Always

Lockheart

If I play along, will this end sooner?

Jameson

If you sent me a pic of a certain appendage, I’d delete your number from their phones and you’d never have to deal with them again. Just saying.

Nicole

Nope, that dick’s mine, Jameson. I’m not sharing. And you already have two you can look at. You’re being greedy.

Jameson

No fair. Neither of them are pierced. What if I send you one of Jonathan’s?

Nicole

Shameless.

Jameson

You didn’t say no.

Nicole

That’s because I’m thinking.

Lockheart

Thinking about what, Lady?

Nicole

Jonathan’s cute is all I’m saying.

Lockheart

Mine should be the only dick you need to see, Nico. Carry on thinking, and I’ll send my dick pic myself and take away your leverage.

Jameson

Oh, do carry on, Nicole. Pretty please.

Jenson

Hey, I was the one who initiated this conversation. Do you wanna hear gossip or not? I knew I should’ve made Jaxson my Myrtle.

Jaxson

Ha! Too late. I’ve already got my own Myrtle, thank you very much. Even if he is talking about dick pics with my brother. Gross, btw.

Jaxson

Why isn’t Pen in here?

Jenson

She’s not invited to this party.

Jaxson

Why?

Nicole

So the news is about her then? She’s gonna kill you.

Jenson

Not if she never finds out.

Angie

This time I think he’s on the right track, guys.

Jaxson

Okay, well that's interesting. What’s going on? Is Penny alright?

Jenson

Oh, she’s more than alright. She was caught making out with the big bossman in the elevator the other day.

Jaxson

The boss she hates?

Jenson

The one and only.

Lockheart

When you say caught?

Jenson

Maintenance guy let it slip to me. He saw it on the monitors. No one else knows.

Jameson

I knew.

Jenson

What? How?

Angie

And you didn’t tell me? Least favourite Brady ever.

Jameson

I thought she told you. Normally, if she shares with me, she shares with you.

Jameson

It’s why I made you both come to game night. I was trying to force the two of them to speak. Even tried to get Ben to admit something was going on before you got there, but they’re both as stubborn as each other.

Jenson

They need some Brady help.

Jaxson

Like Lockheart did when he was trying to win back Nicole?

Lockheart

Funny. What about you when you couldn’t get your head out of your arse over Edie?

Jaxson

Fair play.

Jenson

I didn’t need any help to get my kitten.

Angie

No, you just faked being seriously injured to get me to say I love you.

Jenson

And I’m not even a little sorry.

Nicole

So what are you guys thinking?

Edie

My phone is blowing up. Give me a minute to catch up.

Edie

Oh it just got interesting. What's the game plan, QB?

Jenson

Christmas party.

Jameson

Huh?

Lockheart

Like an office party or a Brady one?

Jenson

Office. She won’t do anything if her dad and Mama are there. Every year, Ben organises a party for the office staff. The team doesn't get to party though, not with the playoffs and, if we’re lucky, the superbowl.

Jameson

After the superbowl. You guys are going all the way this year.

Jenson

I love the faith you have in us, but we haven’t got a chance in hell this year. Maybe next, though.

Jameson

Manifest it and it will happen.

Lockheart

For the love of... Can we please not start talking about manifesting and the universe’s cosmic energy and all that bullshit?

Nicole

Now play nice, mister. Besides, the universe manifested some great things for you.

Jaxson

For someone so old, you’d think you’d be wiser.

Lockheart

I’m choosing to ignore you. Maybe if I do it enough, you’ll disappear.

Nicole

Manifest it, baby. Let the universe help you.

Jaxson

You used to be nicer, Nicole. What happened?

Nicole

I got Bradyfied

Jaxson

NOICE

Edie

So what's the plan for the Christmas party?

Jenson

Thank you for focusing on the endgame, Edie. The real MVP.

Edie

*Blushing*

Jaxson

I thought I was the only Brady to make you blush.

Angie

No, you’re the only one to make her come. There’s a difference.

Edie

Angelina!

Jaxson

Yeah I am. I wish I could high five you, Angie.

Jenson

Y’all have the attention spans of a goldfish. I swear to god.

Angie

Right, focus. Go, Hotshot.

Jenson

Thank you, Kitten. I was thinking Angie gets Buttercup all dolled up. Dressed to fluffing kill. That kind of thing and… that’s all I got.

Edie

What?

Jameson

Dude.

Angie

Well that was anticlimactic.

Jaxson

I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve felt disappointed like that, Angie.

Jenson

Fluffing a-hole.

Jenson

And in my defence, Penny and Jameson are normally the ones who come up with this kind of shizzle. I just make sure it plays out smoothly, like I did for Lockheart.

Edie

Holy cheese on a cracker, I’ve got it. Angie somehow manages to get them in his office together after she’s put mistletoe up all over the ceiling, and then locks them in. They kissed when they were alone and in close proximity in the lift, right?

Jenson

They did

Edie

So they’ll do it again in his office, and the mistletoe will guarantee it.

Jaxson

Oh my god! This is perfect. Forced proximity.

Jameson

One of my favorite romance tropes. That and one bed, but we can’t make that happen so…

Lockheart

Nicole, are you following all this?

Nicole

I’ll explain it later.

Angie

She’s going to kill us.

Edie

Only if we get caught.

Jameson

Have I said how much I love this fudging family?