Page 9 of His Flawed Ride (Sons of Lost Souls MC #16)
Chapter Seven
Lily
I want to scream. I have spent five hours on my feet, and I can’t get the hang of Kristen’s computer system.
I’m one minute away from quitting when Slade walks in.
He would expect me to quit on my first day.
He beelines for his wife, plants a kiss on her and then all smiles are gone when he turns his attention onto me.
“Wanna explain what last night was about?”
For once I don’t have to lie. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He rounds the counter and looms over me like the big brother he’s always been.
“Shane said something spooked you at the motel. He said you were acting suspicious.”
Damn, Shane! Apparently, this Lost Souls brother doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.
“You saying he’s bullshittin’ me?”
“I don’t claim to know what he’s up to, I told you there’s no need to worry about me and you don’t.”
Narrowing his eyes, he says, “Lils, there’ll never be a time I’m not worrying about you, cause you’ve made it an artform of making terrible decisions and even worser mistakes.”
“Love you too, bro.”
Rolling his eyes, he says, “Shane wouldn’t make shit up. Tell me what’s going on and don’t fuckin’ lie.”
I huff. “I’m not lying. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I asked him to drop me off at the bar, then he walked me back to the motel. Nothing happened.”
Which technically wasn’t a lie. Nothing did happen and I haven’t seen a single motorcycle today.
If the club find out where I’ve really been, under Leo’s presidency, they’ll kill me or leave me to the wolves. At this point, I don’t know who to be more scared of.
“If you’re keeping anything from me, from the club, it will come out so tell me now while I can possibly do something about it.”
If I tell him about Hopper, I don’t think it will be his disappointed face I see. He’s going to be pissed, and I fully believe him when he says I’m on my last chance. If I don’t have my family, I’ll be all alone to make even more terrible decisions and even worser mistakes.
“Jeez, Slade. Nothing happened last night…”
“So maybe Shane came up with that bullshit story cause he’s been somewhere he shouldn’t and crapped out and didn’t wanna admit it to me.”
It takes me a minute, but I catch on. Now I lie. “Oh for fuck’s sake. Shane obviously has issues. Why he’s bringing them into my life I’m not sure. But I’m done with this conversation. I have to figure this computer out before your wife fires me on my first day.”
I feel his heavy glare upon me, but I ignore him and stare at the computer screen while the headache from Hell creeps up on me.
Tapping his finger on the counter, he tells me, “I’ll catch you later, Lils. If there’s anything you’re hiding, it’ll come out eventually. It always does.”
He disappears into the back to find his wife and I spend the next hour failing to get a grip on technology.
“If you want it, it’s yours. Just sign the lease and pay the rent on time and we’ll be the best of friends.”
I pass the landlord three months’ rent and the first and last and he happily passes the keys over and leaves. It takes a few trips to bring my bags in but one bag in particular has my special attention.
I go to lock myself in the bathroom when I remember I’m here alone.
In the back of the cupboard, I lift the bottom board and shove the bag inside.
I place the board back into place and sit on the edge of the bathtub.
There have been times I’ve sunk to low places, but I never thought I’d sink this low.
The last time I had pure hope that life would work out peachy for me was when Harper was born.
I’m deliciously numb between my legs but I’m scared for when the drugs wear off.
Yet with the small baby girl in my arms, I don’t care.
I’ve carried this tiny bundle of joy for nine months and it hasn’t been real until now.
Her tiny button nose and the way her mouth forms a tiny O, the dark wisps of hair covering the top of her head, she’s perfect and she’s mine.
“Lils, I let it go when you were pregnant cause I didn’t want to put stress on you and the baby, but she’s here now. Who is her father?”
I look to mom for help with Slade. He’s ruining this and after the pain I’ve endured over the last eighteen hours, I deserve to have him off my back for a while.
“She doesn’t need a daddy. She has me.”
“What about support? Babies cost a lot of money, and I don’t need to remind you that you don’t have any.”
“I’m well aware, Slade, but I’m not going to tell you who he is so lay off.”
“Son, why don’t we head home and get everything ready?”
Ignoring our mom, his glare stabs me. “I want a name, Lily. Now.”
There’s no chance I’m telling him about my night with Cas. No one will ever know he is Harper’s father.
“I’m not doing this. Go home with mom and I’ll see you later.”
“I’m not leaving. Give me a name.” His tone darkens.
Sighing, I ask, “What are you going to do if I tell you? Go find him?”
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Tell him he has a daughter and that if he wants to continue living with both legs and arms, he’ll pay his way.”
A part of me would like to see Slade’s face when he hears his precious club brother is the father, but the moment wouldn’t last long and then I’d have to deal with the fallout. And no part of me wants that.
“He’s not going to want to be in any part of her life, Slade. Please listen to me when I say she’s better off without him.”
Once we’re alone, I smile down at my daughter. “I don’t care how hard this is going to be, I’m going to love you and be there for you. We don’t need your father. We’re going to be just fine. I promise.”
It’s not like Cas would want the responsibility anyway.
He acted like he couldn’t remember our night together and I was all too happy to let him.
Waking up next to Cas, I knew he wasn’t going to be obsessed with me and make me his old lady.
Him calling out Alannah’s name when he climaxed was a big indicator he’d never be mine.
I’ve spent months carrying his child and wondering what his reaction would be if I told him I was pregnant.
Nope, me and Harper are better off on our own. I’ve got this.
How hope has let me down time after time.
Now years later I have relationship with my daughter that’s surviving by a thread and no relationship with my grandson.
My relationship with my brother is different and my mom is gone.
Without Slade and Harper, I have no one and it kills me that it’s my own actions that have led me here.
Harper is breaking unhealthy cycles with her son because I was the one who started them.
There’s nothing like seeing your parenting reflected back to you in how different your child parents.
It’s the biggest wakeup call I could get.
Falling onto the couch, I grab my phone and bring up the notes app.
I type out a to-do list:
Stop drinking.
Stay home and away from men.
Fix relationship with Harper.
Get to know Gunner.
Learn how to ignore JJ and the club.
Prove to Slade I can change.
Keep my job no matter what.
Shutting down my phone, I toss it to the side and close my eyes. I have never been so driven to make amends.