Page 3 of His Flawed Ride (Sons of Lost Souls MC #16)

Chapter Two

Lily

M y heart raced as I drove toward the Lost Souls Motorcycle Club.

It was ridiculous. I had been here a thousand times throughout my life.

I even conceived Harper in one of the rooms, or the bar, or out back behind the bar up against the wall, I’m not sure, but it was definitely under their roof.

I was depending on the whispers I had heard about Luca being true.

If he’s in Bolton, Dog City, then he wouldn’t be around to kill me.

My hands tightened around the wheel as I pulled up to the club.

“Who are you here to see?” the guy manning the gates asked.

Another new prospect I have no intention in getting to know. I wonder how many young men have worn the prospect’s patch since the club began.

“Slade.”

“Does he know you?”

“I’m his sister. Please, open the gate. I haven’t got all day.”

He snorted. “Funny, I literally have all day so wait here while I go get him.”

I sank back into the seat, and rested my arm on the window ledge to try and breathe through the nervousness that was making me feel sick.

The place seemed different, but it hadn’t changed all that much. There was a shit load more cameras, but the feeling of freedom still lingered in the air. I had spent some of my best times here, and I had also some of my worst times because of it.

A lot has happened over the last couple of years that has come close to the worst times but now I’m home, they seem so far away.

I inhaled deeply when Slade walked out of the bar.

It hit me like a hammer to the head how much older my brother was looking.

There was a number of grey hairs streaking through his dark locks.

His squint lines spreading out from the corner of his eyes had grown deeper.

And his shoulders sagged a little heavier than before.

God, I’ve missed him so much. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been able to rely on and guilt sets in when I’m constantly reminded of how many times I’ve let him down.

Come on, Lil, this is the moment we’ve been preparing for.

I have played out over a hundred different scenarios of what my return could look like, and I’m hoping and praying that it’s not the scenario where Luca puts a bullet in my head and buries me in the middle of nowhere, keeping his murderous promise.

Though he’s looking older, my brother still looks good. I was worried for a time that he wouldn’t be himself again after losing India. But as he instructed the prospect to open the gate, I saw glimmers in him of old.

I miss the times when he smiled at my arrival. Today he’s guarded. Bringing myself into the present, I drive through and park up and he leans on the car, rather than opening my door.

Seconds drag out, neither of us saying a word. I’m well aware he’s been the brother I’ve never deserved and I’m the sister he should’ve been rid of years ago.

“What are you doing here, Lil?” he finally asks.

“I’m home, brother. And I’ve got to tell Leo something.”

“For how long this time? A week? A month?”

If only he knew why I left the last time.

“For good.”

Staring off toward the club, I begin to worry he’s going to send me away before I have the chance to see Harper.

“What do you need to talk to Leo about?”

Since he’s the one I need to get me through the door, I tell him, “While I was driving here, I overheard some guys at a bar talking about the club. Saying how they were gunning for you all.”

I now have his full attention. “What guys? Another club?”

My half-truth is getting more difficult to tell. I should’ve prepared for this. “They weren’t wearing patches, but they could’ve been bikers, I suppose. Now I’ve told you, I need to go see Harper.”

“I ain’t got a clue how your return is gonna go down and I’m not sure I have it in me to be the buffer for you again.”

Shaking my head, I’m quick to tell him, “I’m here to stand on my own, take responsibility for my actions.”

“That’s good to hear, but I gotta say, I won’t believe it till I see it.”

Another notch on my guilt trip. I deserve it.

“Please, Slade. I fucked up but I have a grandson who doesn’t know me.”

Slade pushes away from the car and opens the door. I climb out but he steps in front of me, blocking me.

“It’s your fault you’ve missed out, Lily. You’ve ducked out too many times, no one’s gonna trust you easily.”

“I know, Slade. I know.”

His eyes move over my shoulder, and I turn to see Zach jogging toward us.

“Hey, you’re back,” he points out.

“In the flesh,” I tease but it falls flat.

“Where’s your stuff?” he asks, looking into the back of the car.

“I’m at the motel until I can find a place.”

Father and son glance at one another and my stomach sinks that they’re already doubting me. I’ve earned it but still, it doesn’t feel good.

“Come on, Harper’s at home,” Slade says, and I follow my brother.

I’m not prepared for the new housing around the back of the clubhouse. With a few more dwellings, they’ll be no need for anyone in the club to live in town. Apart from getting supplies, they’d have everything right here.

“You’ve got a lot to make up for. Harper’s been doing well, she’s happy and settled, don’t fuck her up.”

I bite down on my tongue to stop the retort wanting to lash at him.

I simply nod and climb the front steps to the house on the end of the row.

What Slade is unaware of is that I want happiness, for myself and for my daughter, and regrettably, it’s taken years to realise that it’s my family who make me happy.

Year in and year out, I’ve chased happiness believing if I wasn’t always moving around, I would never find it.

Over the last few months, I’ve looked back on my life and the only times I enjoy the memories is when they’re full of moments with my family.

I block out the memories of where I’ve been for the last year and take a deep breath.

Slade knocks on the door and my hands start clamming up. My heart thunders in my chest and when JJ opens the door, a sense of fear creeps in. I wanted to see Harper before I saw the brothers.

It’s the little boy in his arms that kills the fear. He’s so beautiful. He has Harper’s eyes and JJ’s hair. He’s the perfect blend of them.

“Holy fuck no. Harp’s don’t need your shit.”

I snap back to JJ and he goes to slam the door in my face. Slade is quick to shove his foot in the doorway and stops him.

“It’s Harper’s decision,” Slade reminds him.

He drags his eyes from Slade to mine and asks, “Does Luca know you’re here?”

Slade’s brows knit together in confusion. “What’s Luca gotta do with it?”

“Nothing,” I quickly lie.

“Babe? Who is it?”

Harper’s voice is a balm over my soul, and I go to call out to her when she appears beside JJ.

“Mom?” She quickly collects herself and steps out onto the porch. “You’re here? Why?”

“I fucked up, I know that, and I want to make it right. I’ll do anything you say to make it happen.”

JJ snorts but thankfully my daughter ignores him. “I don’t know what you expect me to say or do…”

“No-no. I’m not expecting anything. This is on me. I just want the opportunity to make amends.”

“So you do expect something?” JJ mutters sarcastically. “You’ve got a fuckin’ nerve, Lily. If you think I’m gonna let you come back around here to play house for however long it suits you, just for you to fuck off again, you’re living in a dream world.”

“This is between me and my daughter…”

“Like fuck it is. Your daughter is my old lady and I’m the one who picks up the pieces when you decide you’ve had enough.”

“I’m telling you that’s not going to happen again,” I argue.

“Sorry if I think every word out of your mouth is bullshit.”

I look to Slade, but he keeps his mouth firmly closed. He warned me he wouldn’t be the buffer again, but I thought he’d relent. He always has done before.

I turn to Harper. “Please, can we go somewhere, just us, and talk?”

JJ laughs cruelly. “Get the fuck outta here, Lily. You’ve fucked any chance of being family. We’re all much better off without you.”

Harper clears her throat. She doesn’t disagree with her husband, but she does say, “I need you to leave. We can talk later. I’ll come find you.”

I tell myself it’s better than nothing. It’s more than I deserve. I nod and offer a small smile.

“You heard her, Lily. Now leave.”

Slade walks with me back to my car. “It’ll work out if you’re serious and you put in the work.”

I nod in agreement but the numbness of having to walk away sets in. There are no offers to go round for dinner or to stay with him and Kris rather than at the motel.

This is the last chance I’m going to get, and it’s never hurt as much as it does now. As soon as I’m in the motel room, locked away from the world, I collapse on the bed and let the tears free.

I wasn’t expecting a warm welcome, but I was hoping not to be told to leave. I scrub my face and wipe away the tears. I’ll take these hits, and prove how serious I am.

I take a shower and freshen up. My first instinct is to get dressed and head to Josie’s bar.

I’m old enough now to admit I can’t stand being alone.

But if word gets back to Harper that I’m spending my time in the bars every night, she won’t believe a word I say.

I order food in and settle down in front of television and flick through the shitty channel selection.

I’m engrossed in a game show when someone knocks at the door. Keeping my eyes on the screen as I cross the room and open the door, I’m pushed back, and the door is slammed shut.

It only takes a second to see it’s the guy from last night. The one I brought back to my room.

“What the fuck? Get the fuck out!” I shriek.

“I know I was wasted last night, but I’m pretty fuckin’ sure if you had told me who you were, I never would’ve touched you.”

His anger confuses me. “I’m… Wait, who is it you think I am?”

“You’re related to like, half the fuckin’ club!”

“And why the hell do you care about that…” My gaze drops to the patches on his leather, and it falls into place.

He’s a god damn Lost Soul.

He wasn’t wearing his cut last night. I certainly would have noticed if he were.

This is bad… for him, and now me. This won’t look good, me fucking a brother and after seeing him in a sober light, a brother who’s half my age.

“Look, I’m getting the vibe you don’t want anyone finding out. Neither do I. So, if I don’t say a word, and you don’t say a word. Then no one will ever know.”

This seems to calm him. “Our little secret?”

“Exactly.”

“Hmph, you’d be my hottest secret, but it could work.”

I ignore his flirtatious smirk. “It has to. I won’t let this mess shit up for me. I don’t even remember your name.”

“It’s Shane…”

“I don’t care. All I need from you is to forget last night and act like we’ve never met if you see me at the club.”

His laughter takes me off guard. “If I’m being honest, I don’t fuckin’ remember much of it. So you have nothing to worry about.”

I roam his body and even drunk my standards are high. He’s good looking, no doubt about it, but I can’t go there again, even if he is delicious to look at.

“You can go and make sure no one sees you leaving.”

Arching his brow, it takes a minute, but he nods. “Before I go, how old are you?”

I cringe. I wasn’t the only one who had too much to drink last night, he was obviously wearing his beer blinkers and didn’t see that I was older than him.

“Don’t you know you should never ask a lady how old she is?”

“Give me a ballpark then.”

“None of your fucking business.”

He opens the door, looks left, then right, then leaves, shutting me in alone. If Harper or Slade hears about my night with Shane, the miniscule chance I have will be gone forever.